Daughters father wants to come back in our lives.....?

Question

My ex and I were together for a while and i got pregnant on birth control...i told him, the first thing he said was "what are our options?" I told him i was keeping the baby..a month later, he broke up with me. I of course was upset b/c i loved him (still do too) but i got stronger from it. When i was 8mnths pregnant, he said he was so sorry and he was an a*s for doing what he did and he wanted the family back....so of course, i took him back. We got an apartment together and everything was great...so i thought. 3wks later he asked me to leave because he was unhappy and just didn't know what he wanted anymore. I of course freaked and cried hysterically...i had to move all my stuff out and the baby's stuff and son's clothing...with a lot of help of course, i was 9mnths pregnant then. So i had a beautiful baby girl and he did call to see how she was doing...he does now everyday. She is 6mnths old now and the daddy not only wants to come into her life, he wants to be back in mine as well.

the only thing i am afraid of, is him coming and going or is this what he really wants. my daughter deserves to know her real father but i am afraid she will get hurt...but even after all this, i still love him.....

Answer 1

WELL THATS TOUGH: i would give it another try, have him understand what its like to be a dad, have him care for your daughter. its always better for a child to grow up with both parents i think. i think its very important. hopefully he´ll grow up and be a better person and take care of you and his daughter. i wish u the best of luck.

Answer 2

Well you can tell this immature person that he is entitled to give you child support and see his child on whatever schedule the courts deem appropriate.
This man has treated you and the baby like a yo-yo. He comes and goes when it suits his own needs. He sure wasn't thinking that a woman who is 9 months pregnant might need him.
This man will exhaust you if you get back together with him. Just take his child support money and let him visit the baby at supervised visits and find yourself a REAL man for a life partner.

Answer 3

I think history has told you exactly what Baby's Daddy is going to do to you. Grows some mammaries and don't be a doormat!!!! He not only left you twice while you were pregnant with his child, he kicked you out of his apartment while you were pregnant with his child. Get off the stupid pills and face reality. He's on a dating low and is probably falling back on Old Reliable (that would be you.) Your daughter can know her father without you being a couple with him.

Answer 4

Oh my gosh. Let me hold back from talking mess. Here is the best case for you in my opinion. From now on, create a wall hard enough for him to have to work at to get to you, protect yourself, financially and emotionally. He is immature, not stepping up to his repsonsibilies, and he cares more for himself than he does his family. If you want to be with him, move in together AGAIN, put the place in your name, if you can, if not co-sign and he doesn't have power to kick you out, and attain before hand a paper that he signs away his rights, cuz if he is the biological father and/or is on the birth certificate, he has authority just as much as u do. So, if he wants to leave have him sign that. and you can b on your merry way with a lesson learned. always keep him contact though, your baby might grow older and when she learns to make her own adult decision and decides to meet with him, u cannot control that. get his full name, date of birth, city and place of birth, his parent's name and infor, address where he will be going or is. anything for ur baby girl! good luck.

Answer 5

Wow - tough situation. Only you can truly answer this question. My hope is that your ex really is a good guy who just got a little shell shocked by the unexpected changes in his life. Maybe he needed some time to sort through his feelings and figure out what he really wants. Or it could just be that he is immature and you are suffering as a result. I think only time will tell.

In order to protect yourself, why don't you take things slowly this time. Don't move in together right away - "date" him again to determine how much he really wants this relationship. In the meantime, absolutely encourage him to be the best father he can be - your daughter deserves her father's love and attention - whether he is part of your life or not.

Good luck.

Answer 6

He left you when you really needed him. Then he came back and you gave him a second chance, and he left you again. Don't be a fool and take him back again. You know the saying: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me again, shame on me." What you are feeling is not really love. It is loneliness and desperation. How could you really and truly love someone who treats you like an object to be thrown aside when he is bored? That is not the kind of father you want for your child. Be strong for your child. That child deserves to be raised by a sensible, strong, and self-respecting parent. Your child will be just like you when they grow up. She is better off with a single parent who acts with dignity and intelligence, rather than with a father who is liable to ditch her when SHE really needs him and a mother who lets him. Don't be a victim. You owe it to your daughter. Sue him for child support, and send him packing. Then get out there and meet people and stay active in your community. With a little luck, you'll find a man that will treat you and your child right. If not, then that is THEIR loss! Good luck!

Answer 7

You have set boundaries, your job is to protect your little one. This baby is counting on you. You need to be healthy mentally, emotionally, and physically for this precious girl. It will be hard but don't give anyone that type of control over your emotions. When you do you tend to make wrong decisions. I would take it very slow and know that the ball is in your court. He has to prove that he can be a good father and as well as a good mate for you. Don't make it easy for him, let him work to really show that it is not a game. Good Luck.

Answer 8

Well its one thing for him to be apart of both your lives.. just makes sure this time u take it a little slower. Like him NOT moving in with you right away.. etc. Let him come by to see your daughter.. but he has to leave. Let him know that he hurt you twice and you, for yourself and your child want to take it a little slower this time. Becuase to be honest you donty know his 'motivation' ya know. It maybe that hes truley sorry and wants to be there.. or it could be that he's in a rut has noone and your his backfall until he finds another. Ya know? Just look at your options.. take it in a slow stride and things will come to be the way they should be. GL!

Answer 9

Just because he is the daddy does not mean he gets to be part of her life. Tell him he needs to be a little more emotionally stable before he can become permenent fixture in you or his daughters life. Maybe small dates are good a good idea for starters. like going to the movies or going out for dinners or just going to the park. Start out slow again. Hope I helped.

Answer 10

I would take baby steps and go back to dating him, make him prove that he is going to stick around this time. If he keeps his own place and only spends time with you and his daughter for now that would probably be the best thing for all of you since he sounds like he changes his mind alot about his responsibilites do not rely on him for anything for yourself, make him pay child support and buy the baby stuff she needs and re acess the situation 6 months from now and then decide whether or not he is worthy to live with you and your kids again.

Answer 11

You need to let your daughter develop a relationship with her father.... Good or bad, it is something that they will need work out between the two of them.... That goes the same for you... Just because you support your child's relationship with her father does not mean that you need to be anything but friends... But that is for you do decide...