Quick history: I was in an abusive relationship 2 yrs ago(physically and emotionally) My family went thru a lot of therapy to help me out. Fast Forward today: The other day my mom came home and my boyfriend and I were arguing. She ended up coming into my room to see if I was ok because things sounded heated and he was slamming his hand on my desk and she was worried about me. She was really angry at him and called him an a**hole. She said that he was being mean, demeaning,intimidating and bullying me. I said I was used to it, thats just the way he talks and I also said some not too nice things to him. Now he doesn't want to come over and said my mom should not have "disrespected" him that way. My mother told him she was sorry for calling him a bad name, but he still hasn't come back over. Do you think my mom over reacted? She said she was freaked because of my past abusive relationship and wasn't going to let anyone do that again.
2007-06-27 07:22:27 · 50 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You know what, I think your mother was in the right.
I'm sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but no one should ever be "used" to that sort of behavior or violent speech. I've been married for 3 years, and we dated for 2 years before that. Sometimes my husband gets very, very upset with me. He yells at me, and I yell back, but if he ever slammed his hand down somewhere or threw something, I would consider that violent, and I would leave and let him cool off.
You boyfriend should take into account your history of abuse and calm down his tone when talking to you. He should also be sensetive to the fact that your mother was only trying to protect you because she has seen you in an abusive relationship before too. He needs to apologize to both you and your mother for his behavior and for reminding you both of a very painful history.
Don't ever let anyone try to scare you. There are tons of men out there that know not to do that, that will be much more gentle.
2007-06-27 07:28:51 · answer #1 · answered by sweetfix 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
First off, your mom was trying to protect you - what do you think she was doing, being nosy ???. Look at it from her point of view, YOU made a REALLY bad choice the last time so who`s to say that you haven`t done it again ?. As for your b/f, someone should teach him that respect works BOTH ways!. Too many people go around crying about being disrespected without having the brains to realize that to GET respect you must, ONE - be WORTHY of respect, and TWO - you must GIVE respect !. Your b/f realizes neither - slamming his hand on your desk isn`t being respectful to YOU or your mother, remember, it`s not HIS home, it`s your mothers !. Another thing, slamming his hand or pounding furniture is a Neanderthal thing to do, it`s just another way that men use to try to intimidate a woman. He`s really saying, " this is how strong I am, if this gets physical then you haven`t a chance against me ". From what you tell me of him it seems as if you`re well on your way to making yet another bad choice !. If this bozo was anything like a REAL man then he`d be over to apologize to your mom for the upset that he caused her. You tell me a lot when you say that " thats just the way he talks ". NOBODY just "talks " like that unless the other person LETS them !. I suppose that when he hits you it`ll be because he `s just " like " that !.
2007-06-27 07:43:09 · answer #2 · answered by Hondaman 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mom didn't over react. And as far as her "disrespecting" your boyfriend, it's HER house! If she's guilty of anything, it's trying to PROTECT you from getting yourself into the same mess you were in in the past. She did more than I would have when she apologized to him. If he can't accept her apology, that's his problem. You need to consider what your family's been through. If boyfriend was sincere, he'd understand considering the past, and get over it. But like most abusers, they're never sincere. You need to tell boyfriend buh-bye. By the way, your family was there before he came along and will be there when he's gone.
2007-06-27 07:35:03 · answer #3 · answered by tenncopgrl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
quick history: I too was in an abusive relationship. It started out with the verbal and the day I said ENOUGH! I'd had to call the Police and clean up the blood everywhere. Today: I am married to a wonderful guy, he gets angry with me and I him, BUT! he has NEVER called me any names, even when I actually deserved them, and he has NEVER lifted his hand to come anywhere close to hitting me. NOW you said, your mom came home... to her house? if so, she had EVERY right to tell the demeaning, intimidating bully just what she thought. It was NOT your mom being disrespectful to him, but HE was being disrespectful to her AND to you in HER home.... Tell that cowardice pup to leave and not come back!
2007-06-27 07:31:43 · answer #4 · answered by sred 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that your mom overacted because she was worried about you. You shouldn't have to accept someone demeaning or disrespecting you ever in your life. That verbal abuse can easily escalate to physical abuse and you could end up where you began. If your boyfriend knows your past he should understand the way your mother reacted and choose not yell at someone that he cares for.
2007-06-27 07:28:25 · answer #5 · answered by cRazY8s 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay as a Mum she is concerned for you, it sounds to me that this guy needs to apologize to her for disrespecting her in her own home. He also sounds as if he has anger issues. If she was really angry and only called him that then she showed great restraint. How does you Dad feel about this, does he even know? Protecting your children from harm is the most natural instinct women posses.
No way did she over react, no way.
Now this guy is trying to cause ag. by not coming over, bet you he's hoping you fall out with your Mum over this.
Good luck, I hope it all turns out okay.
2007-06-27 07:31:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, you put your family thru you know what only to take him back for more of the same or pick another guy just like him? This is your mom's house, and you and your boyfriend need to take your arguments elsewhere if you don't want her involved. She also didn't deserve someone slamming things in her house. Maybe you should apologize to your mother and everyone else you put thru you know what for having gotten involved in this type of relationship again, and pay everyone back who paid for your therapy. Your mom shouldn't have to apologize to either one of you. He should apologize to her as well, but that's probably not going to happen, and let her take back her apology to him.
2007-06-27 07:30:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No - your mother was doing her job and protecting her daughter. Based on two past abusive relationships, and the fact that she heard shouting and pounding, she was exactly right. It does sound like you seem to always pick the same kind of boyfriend, and that this one will also be abusive. You should examine why you picked all three of these boys, and learn to look for other qualities in the future.
2007-06-27 07:26:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Mom's will do what they do best and that is stand up for their own. I most definitely don't see it as an over reaction especially since he was slamming his hand against your desk. I'm all for letting go of frustrations but an adult learns to curb his/her anger. To top it off your mom apologized for calling him an asshole and his pride won't let him step into your home. It's not like your mom isn't welcoming him or ignoring him so what's his deal? I don't think your mom overreacted at all.
2007-06-27 07:28:26 · answer #9 · answered by Jessie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well you now how moms are, they worry a lot about their children. She was probably really worried if you were getting hurt and she was also really mad at your boyfriend so her worrying and anger got the better of her. So she should have been mad at your boyfriend because she didn't want the same thing happening again. I think you should dump your boyfriend and get a new one that will treat you with some more respect and a better temper.
2007-06-27 07:30:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋