My mother recently passed away with whom I was very close with. I have one sister who has 2 children. I also?

Question

have 3 children. After my mothers body was removed from her hospital bed, my sisters daughter took my mothers wedding ring (after asking my grieving and devastated father for it...he was in no state to make that decision so just told her ok). Anyway, later when I realized it was missing I contacted my sister who said her daughter took it and planned to keep it. I immediatly told her that it was too soon to start passing things out (only a few days since her death) and that I would like it placed back at my mothers home. My sister completley understood and said she would get the ring back immediatly from her daughter. A few weeks later I found out that my niece not only had the ring resized for her finger but also added her children's birthstones, changing my mothers ring around completly within a few weeks of her death. I was devastated and not sure how to handle this. My niece and sister feel as though neither did anything wrong....any advice for me would be appreciated! Thanks!

The actual ring doesnt bother me...it is the deciet and lack of respect that has come out!

Answer 1

That was messed up. Your niece had no right in doing what she did. Your sister was wrong for taking her daughter side. They should have expressed that they wanted it. But waited till you all agreed on it.

Answer 2

Going through a traumatic situation such as the death of your Mother is hard on everyone. If you think about it the ring was meaningful to your Mother and Your Father. AND though he may not have been in his right mind when he made that decision it should be he decision on whether she needs to return the ring.

I think what she did was callous and harsh considering it had only been a few days. Greed comes out in all kinds of ways when a person passes on. I would tell your Niece your feelings. That it hurt you that she did not ask you the daughter if you wanted the ring. Be honest with her, no mean but honest. I am very sorry for your loss.

Answer 3

Go to the court house and file paperwork for temp custody, then as others say get a family lawyer. They will post in the paper that you wish to take these kids on, but do not worry about it, if he has not been there up to now he will more then likely not be there later today either. Did she leave any type of legal paperwork, or are there any witnesses that can come forward and say this is what she wanted IE: talked about it to parents or friends? It will be a fight, but he will need to prove that he is the father if no paperwork is out there that he is. Can you prove UN fit? Has he be in trouble with law? Drug use or something that maybe caught in a test? How clean are you? Never ask for a test that you are not ready to take either. How about where they live? Safety screens on windows etc. Good luck, and spend money for a good lawyer. There is a reason why great lawyers cost good money, and cheap lawyers are cheaper.

Answer 4

Oh, honey - that was incredibly insensitive and boorish and just plain rude of them to have done. You have my sympathy on your mother's passing foremost, but my sympathy on having to go through this as a direct second.

Your family is just going to have to let this go, unfortunately. Fighting over it will only tear the family further apart. Had your niece not changed the ring entirely, I'd tell you to go for it and get it back - but in this case, you can't get your mother's original ring back anymore, so fighting over it will only hurt the family.

The only upshot of this situation is that you now know exactly what kind of people your sister and niece are, and won't get any further behavioral surprises.

After your father's grieved for a while, and is in a good place emotionally, you may want to see if you can get a replica of the ring and give it to him as a gift. You and he know that the original is past retrieving, but the replica should mean something to him and might give him something to hold on to.

Answer 5

What a tough situation to be in and I am sorry for your loss. As hard as it maybe, I would just let the situation go. I know it is easier said than done but it will just cause termoil and hard feelings. It sounds like your family has been through enough. No need to divide the family over a ring. They will probably never admit they are wrong in what they did to the ring and how the obtained it, so really no since in even trying to reason with them. I wish you luck with all this!

Answer 6

A ring is just a symbol whereas the memories you have of your mother no one can alter. In order to keep the peace you would be in place to tell your sister and her daughter that you are hurt and dismayed by what they did but that you will get over it and then you need to proceed to do so. Keep your mother's warm memory alive in your heart and all will be well for you. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 7

Your mom died, And you are grieving but so are your other family members, The ring is gone, but will always remain because your niece is wearing it and treasures it. What is hard is that we tend to consider that it is only us that grieve, but all your family members are grieving in their own way. Don't let a material object come between you and your family . Life is to short.

Answer 8

chill, man...i had sort of the same experience...when my mom died, my grandmother took some of her necklaces and customized to fit her. of course, we didn't like it especially since we wanted all my mom's jewelries to go to my sisters.

anyways, thing is...your sister's mistake is that she told you that she understood and that she'd get it back to you. which she did not. as for the ring...well, you're both married so its not like its the kind of ring that you guys will use on your weddings..hehe bottomline, i see nothing wrong with your niece wearing it and attaching birthstones to it...yes, you want it preserved as is in memory of your mother, but im sure your mom would want her granddaughter to be happy using it...

Answer 9

Who is the executor of your mother's estate? Your father? If so it is his responsibility to oversee distribution.Her possessions I unless otherwise stated would go to him. If he is not with it enough to do this, then talk with him and his attorney about designating someone else. There is no doubt that what happened was wrong. I would say try to not focus on this or it will truly upset you. It is not unusual, sadly.

Answer 10

I think you should just let it go.Your mother wouldn't want you fighting over a ring.Lord knows i wouldn't want my kids fighting over something that small.Your mother lived a good life and you just remembering how she was is all you need.Cherish photos and memories of her rather than things like that.Its not worth starting something with your family that you can't replace cause one day you'll regret it.