I'm 14 and my dad has been abusing me by throwing, plates, knives, chairs, etc and locking me the basement (unfinished) for days on end, and also emotionally abusing me.... he has been doing this for 6 years now and I've had enough of it but I love my dad and I don't want to get him in trouble. How can I get him to stop without telling anyone?
2007-06-27 05:45:19 · 17 answers · asked by Lyzz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
First I want to say that I know where you are coming from. I actually had abusive parents and finally left one day. Before that time I always fought with myself about whether or not I should tell someone, would I be getting them into trouble, what about my siblings, etc.
The truth is, it's very, very, VERY hard to do because you feel like you have nowhere else to go. It's a strange thing really...at one hand you want to leave, but on another because he is your dad you don't want to even though the situation is so horrible!
But I must sadly say that there will be consequences and yes...your dad will get into trouble. You really need to tell someone or else it will get worse-- wait till you turn 18, and after then NOONE can help you-- you're expected to be able to do everything on your own and there isn't as much support out there as you'd think. You're only 14 so there are going to be resources out there to help you be in a safe place and help you get healthy and your dad.
I would really recommend getting a police report with evidence. I know this sounds gross and twisted, but if he hits or you get hurt by something, you need to take a picture of yourself and also of the weapon that was used. I know, that sounds awful doesn't it! But this is the reality (I know I have been there): If you file a police report and do NOT have physical evidence, they will just sit there while you cry your eyes out telling your story and then write that you had a really bad argument with your dad. That is the truth. You MUST have physical evidence-- even if it's of a chair that got broken by throwing it at you, or even plates, or anything else! You NEED that or else they won't do anything for you.
Better than the police, go to your school's counselor with a friend who knows what's happening and tell the counselor. What they then do is send someone (probably child protection) to your house explaining to your dad what they were told and whatever else needs to happen.
Regardless you NEED to tell someone and have evidence with you. This is such an unhealthy environment to be and I have a cousin whose mother abused her and she committed suicide last year because she didn't tell anyone, and also because she was over 18 when the abuse was still occurring and she still wasn't able to get enough help.
Please tell someone.
2007-06-27 06:09:50 · answer #1 · answered by Orchideye 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Abuse of any kind is unacceptable. It is understandable that you love your dad, because he is your dad, but there is no reason for that kind of treatment. He needs to get professional help and you need to report him, despite feeling bad, it will only get worse for you, or it could end up being a behavior you repeat when you are old enough to have a family of your own. Call the local authorities!
2007-06-27 06:27:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only way that it is going to stop is for you to get out of the situation. He needs help and sometimes getting in trouble for it will help him get the help he needs. You have to tell someone otherwise it will never end. If you move out and it ends for you, that doesn't mean he is going to stop and not abuse anyone else.
2007-06-27 07:41:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lyzz, this is a serious problem. I applaud you for even posting that here. It shows you are courageous. Now take the next step. Maybe you can tell a relative you feel safe with and trust what is going on and see if you can go live with them. You want people to respect you, show them you respect yourself, and get out of this situation. Don't runaway, tell the authorities and secure a living arrangement with someone in your family. I hope there is no sexual abuse either. But Lyzz if there is please please seek help and get out, its not your fault, you have not asked for this, this person needs help, and you cannot provide it.
2007-06-27 05:57:14 · answer #4 · answered by Laura C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well honey if he gets in trouble, it will be his fault and no one elses. It's not your fault, but it is your problem. The best way to stop him is to report him, before he goes too far and kills you.
This is a very real possibility, even though you think it isn't. Get help now.
Is your mother not in the picture? She may be able to help you, but if not, go to the police.
2007-06-27 06:30:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont understand how you would not want him to pay for what he does to you, unless it has something to do with your mom?
You should report him, because even if you manage to escape, he will just find another person to abuse, to report him would be to help his future victims.
But, since you feel he is worthey of getting away with abusing you, You should move out. Your young, but im sure a friend would take you in under the circumstances. You have told your friends right?
but please please please, report him, you wont regret it
2007-06-27 07:05:45 · answer #6 · answered by Nightfire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to tell someone, possibly a teacher you admire. Your father has a serious problem and his behavior will only destroy you, Go find the right person to tell and to help you, there is no other way.
2007-06-27 05:54:47 · answer #7 · answered by fran j 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to report him to someone, where is your mother while this is going on? He evidently doesn't care about hurting you, so honestly, you really should not care about him getting in trouble, he needs help. and you need help to either get it stopped or get out of there..people have died from abuse, you don't want to be one of them. So please get someone to step in and stop in immediately.
2007-06-27 16:56:17 · answer #8 · answered by lostsoul 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't. You need to tell a friend or a teacher, or someone in authority. Your father is sick and he needs help from a grown up.
2007-06-27 06:05:18 · answer #9 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
inpossible he needs to be locked up himself you are not a dog get some backbone girl and confide to someone you are way too young to deal with this so called father call someone now
2007-06-27 05:52:03 · answer #10 · answered by nicola T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋