Over controlling grandparent, or am I over-reacting?

Question

I am 23 living with my parents and my 18month old son. I Moved back in after 4 years of not being home. My son is growing up and needing boundries. My Mother is constantly putting her "2 cents" in, and blaming me for him crying. (We recently took him off the bottle, and he cries a little.) I'm not sure if I am over-reacting or if she is becoming too controlling. And yes, I know I need to move out, and am doing everything I can to financially be able to do it. (Single mom alert). Any other suggestions? Preferrably what to tell her?

Answer 1

Hi, first off let me tell you that there is no shame living with your parents. This society is stupid thinking that there's something wrong with that. Just because you're over 18 does not mean that your mother has lost the responsibility to care for you.

With that said, have you ever heard of the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child"?

I know how it feels (as a fellow parent) to have people tell you how to raise your children. I even got into an argument with an older lady in my family where I ended up losing my temper, after trying to reason with her, and yelled back at her.

Your mom is diong it because she loves you. You just need to tell her that you appreciate it so much. Tell her that she may give you "guidance" but ultimately you are the one who makes the decisions. Tell her that you know that she loves you and your baby and that's why she throws in her two cents, but that you hve to learn to make those decisions.

Also, you need to learn that she is giving you advice. Treat it as advice, and when she gives it to you just say , "Well mom, thank you for your advice, and I'll take it into consideration".

She will get the hint after a while, and this way you don't hurt her feelings.

Answer 2

"We" recently took him off the bottle. That should tell you everything you need to know. If you are allowing your mom to parent your child and then being resentful when she does so, is not fair.

You had to move home, you have a young child, you are very young. All those factors have got to make you feel exhausted, scared and maybe like you failed. So its possible that you are over reacting. I would assume that, because your folks took you and your son back into their home. They obviously love and care about you. Taking a baby off the bottle is traumatic, and if you simply took him off instead of weaning him, you probably shocked him. Remember he has also had alot of changes in his life recently too.

I think you need to reach a common ground with your mother because you need her right now. Don't expect her to parent your child would be the first place to start. The second is, you might have to compromise and overlook things because right now, you don't have alot of control. And get to working on getting your own place so things can get back to normal for everyone. Good luck.

Answer 3

My mother is great when it comes to my son, but I trust her to do things her way when she is babysitting him. She raised me well, why wouldn't I trust her to do what's right for my son?

These days, I think too many parents get their parenting advice from books than their own parents, which is just wrong in my opinion. Trying listening to her "2 cents" once in a while, you may be surprised that she MAY know what she's talking about.

Then again, if she says things that are really bothering you, don't hold it in. I have a problem with (not my mom, but) my "godmom" who watches my son on a regular basis. My son starts acting up when I come to pick him up, 1) because he's tired and 2) because i'm mom. kids test moms. But she always makes it a point to rub it in my face day after day that he's such an angel with her and he ONLY acts "bad" because I'm there, he's only cranky around me. Hearing it once doesn't bother me, but day after day, it seriously hurts my feelings. I broke down and cried yesterday because of it, I can't take it anymore. (And who came around to give me his stuffed puppy and a long hug? My 1 1/2 yr old son!)

So I'm going to say something next time, and you should too if your mom bothers you THAT much.

Tell her something like:
"Mom, I respect what you have to say about raising ____, but I'm a first time mom, I'm doing the best I can, and I think I can learn better by figure it out for myself, instead of just feeling blamed like I'm doing it all wrong, it sincerely hurts my feelings..."

Answer 4

I would bet your son is confused with so many bosses. Try sitting down with your Mom. Tell her how much she helps you and how much you appreciate her help but your son is confused and needs boundaries and discipline from only you most of the time. Tell her she is a wonderful Mom and a wonderful Grandmother and apologize for putting her in this situation but you have no choice right now although you will move as soon as possible.

Answer 5

Next time she chimes in with her 2 cents, nicely say
"mom I appreciate your input, but I need to raise MY child the way I see fit. I'll let you know if I need any advice in the future"

Answer 6

just have a private talk with your mom. let her know u appreciate everythign she is doing for you and that the stress of this bottle transmissions is making it hard on you. you appreciate her kindness but if she could maybe back off a little. im sure she doesnt realize how over bearing u are.

Answer 7

you can't move out yet, cause your baby is to young & you need alot of money in order to live alone & who's going babysit???

maybe your mom is getting old, she can't stand noises
it will get better once he's a bit older,

Answer 8

Tell her you appreciate her suggestions and will take them under consideration and then do what you want to do with your child.

Answer 9

well your the mom and... well she was/is the mommy so tell her its your turn... even if u aren't financially capable.. that doesn't mean that she gave birth to him.. right.. :)