How did you cope with the sudden death of a child.?

Question

My 3 year old son was killed in an automobile accident two years ago. I am coping with the death and have had counseling to do so. However, how do you deal with the guilt of being responsible for their death? I was only 10 feet away and because I didn't look twice my son is gone. So I feel a lot of guilt. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

first off let me say that I am very sorry for your loss . I think you need to stick with counseling and just remember it is was not your fault . You just need to keep up with the counseling that helps alot . good luck and I will pray for you that you have some comfort .

Answer 2

You are not responsible for his death. The accident is responsible for his death. I know it's easier said than done, I'd probably feel responsible too.
There are things you can do-
plant a tree in his name or plant a garden. dedicate a spot that you will need to nurture just as if your son was still alive.
Donate money to a charitable cause. Just as little as a couple of bucks. Support those who are just now going through what your going through-thats the only way you can figure out how to get through the death of your son-yes, talking helps through counceling, but more often than not, I've only truly seen success if your experience can help others.(eventually you will say something to another that will help you as well).
Write in journals-write a book, start a website.
Keep in mind that your baby is an angel and God doesn't take anyone before their time. I am 100% positive your son loved you and wouldn't want you to be sad-after all he was just being a 3 year old-one second they are in reach and the next they are far from safety. last but not least, parents are human. we make mistakes, we don't think how something could hurt our kids-and trust me-kids will find ways to figure out what it is they are not supposed to be doing.
i wish i could say more or do more for you. i do not know what it is like losing a child, but i have suffered loss in my life and although not comparable, their is pain.

god bless....

Answer 3

You need to find a way to let yourself off the hook, loss is one of the hardest things to cope with, but the guilt?

That you don't need its only making things worse for you.... it doesn't sound as if you intended for this to happen, (if you did you'd probably be guilty of manslaughter or murder, and would be unlikely to be so concerned about your guilt)...

Afterall thats why they call it an Accident...
Note: again, it wasn't something you intended...

A nice quote for some people from depression is "blessed are those who are cracked, thats how the light gets in"

I hope you open your eyes and see some light soon, I have a feeling its staring you right in the face...

Answer 4

this is kind of hard for me to answer, because i have not lost any of my children, but one of my children was premature four months and she has many disabilities and she is 7 and still has to be fed out of a tube. she cannot breathe properly and every time i look into her tiny eyes i think to myself why couldn't i have just coped with the pain and waited four more months. she is only 3 feet 2 inches and the doctors don't know if she will even live until she is 10 because her heart might fail. every day i have to live with that guilt, that pressure that i might not even have her tomorrow and its all my fault. maybe this is what God wanted to happen. maybe your child was just meant to be in heaven. i know that this sounds terrible as a mother. god does what he has to do. i don't think that you should feel guilty, it wasn't your fault, maybe everything just went how God wanted it to. He is mysterious and i think that you should go through therapy even though you will never forget about your son and you will always feel like it was your fault even though it wasn't.

Answer 5

I wish I could offer you a solution to solve this right now but I can't. Just know that every single parent out in the world could be standing in your shoes but for the grace of God. Who hasn't turned their back for 1 second and the child disappears or gets into something dangerous.
I remember living in Europe where bedrooms all have sinks for washing in, I was downstairs going to do the dishes. My 18 month old was sitting on the floor next to me and before I had the sink 1/3 full, he had crawled up all the stairs, into a spare bedroom, pushed a chair over and climbed up into in and got in the sink and turned the hot water on scalding his one foot. The scream I still can't get out of my mind 28 years later. Whenever I see the scars I still feel guilt.
We all feel guilty when something happens and unfortunately your tragedy was much worse. Do not blame yourself, I'm sure your Son doesn't.
Do you believe in God? That helps. If so, listen to a song by Stephen Curtis Chapman called "With Hope". It was originally written for a student at Columbine but his friends little son died a few days later and it was used at both funerals. I listen to it often, especially whenever I miss any family member who are recently deceased.
Why not buy a journal and write your son letters and notes in there. Pour out your heart and your feelings of guilt in there and I'm sure that by doing that, it may almost seem you are talking to him.
Remember that God gives us children, all of them Angels but they are not ours really...they are his...and sometimes he has to call them home...no matter how hard it is on us. God needed your son and his work on earth was done so search for the meaning of what his little life represented and what changed because of his time in our world. One day you'll meet him again and I'm sure the first thing he'll say is "Dad, it wasn't your fault".
God Bless and I'll be thinking of you.

Answer 6

you cant blame your self for what you could have done.the the best way of coping is time losing a child id very hard you will never get over the lost but with time the pain will go away .my hubby and i lost a baby 6 years ago and i still cry on his birth day.so just keep getting help and lean on others that will listen and help.i also found writing in a diary when i felt bad helped getting over the pain.please keep you head up.

Answer 7

i lost my son at 1 mth of age ... whether u misscarry at a mth or lose a one year old or a 10 year old i dont think the pain vil ever go away ... even 15 years down the lane when u look back it vil pinch ...n the q's of wht if ? vil always b ther ... bt u hav to b strong ... if nothin else then think wat yr partner would b goin through ... n as of guilt ... dont b ...everyone has a time .. God gav him too u n he took him he prob has somethin better planned for u ... its a easy thing to say bt a difficult thing to do bt hav a strong heart ... take care

Answer 8

honey, it was his time to go home to God. You are not responsible for your son's death! Everything happens for a reason. (Sorry, I'm sure you've heard that allot)

Maybe doing something positive like going to elementary schools and talking with kids about safety would help you see this has happened so you can save others.

I'm so very sorry for your lose!!! I will pray for God to ease your pain and let you find the reasoning.

Answer 9

Its annoying to tell each and each individual a thank you to regulate I in simple terms went day after day at times feeling like a huge black cloud had swallowed me yet others i could desire to locate peace with headphones and my ipod doing issues to maintain busy. interior the top its all approximately letting bypass of the what ifs? They make it a lot harder to regulate. i'm hoping this helps a splash.

Answer 10

i am so, so sorry for your loss.
i think that no matter how a child passes away, their parents are going to feel a lot of guilt.
it does sounds like more counseling wouldn't hurt.