How come many home school families become so defensive when answering questions from home school detractors?

Question

Home school families only please.

Many times I read answers that sound pretty defensive instead of just factual, and "real".
I came on this forum with the intention of exchanging information, discuss home schooling issues, and maybe help answer some questions for a family who is just starting their home school journey.
Is it so hard to admit that at times home schooling is difficult, exhausting, and that on occasion we doubt ourselves too?
Trust me we would not have it any other way, and neither would our children; so please explain to me; without getting defensive, why some of the questions/statements push the "let me tell you" button, knowing full well know that that is their goal?.
Yes, unfortunately I too have fallen into that trap myself several times.
So does it really matter what others believe, and if so why?

My family is very passionate about home schooling, we believe in our way of life, and the God given directive to educate our children.

We see the positive effects of home schooling not only in our own children, but also in many other home school families in our area.

I have at times answered questions more defensively than I would have liked as well, that is why I do understand the reactions to some of the questions.

The point I am trying to make is that we can combat ignorance, and educate other families on the benefits, as well as give factual answers about home schooling without lowering ourselves to the level of the home school detractors who are, as some pointed out are just all to happy to keep up their rhetoric.

However by making some of the answers sound like counter attacks, or using less than flattering language we are not always helping to improve the situation.

Thanks for taken the time to answer so many questions to help people, I think it's awesome.

Answer 1

For the most part, I have found people make idiotic statements concerning home-based learning. The biggest MYTH concerns about socialization. Then there is the comparative with PUBLIC schools.

To homeschool your child is a commitment that is commendable. It is unfortunate that because of fear, ignorance or both, people berate those who do. Anything from challenging their abilities, to flat out calling them religious nuts.

One of Horace Mann's chief objectives; which was followed up by John Dewey was to remove Christian values from the school. They have succeeded for the most part. And look at what has become of our educational system as a nation. There are many excellent teachers, and schools, however, pound for pound, it is my belief and conviction that home-based learning is best, (when the parents are committed to it.)

It is very taxing, but well worth it.

Much love!

Answer 2

I think we because we get so tired of answering the same questions again and again. We get tired of explaining how well socialized our kids really are, only to have someone in turn say that all of our activities are not "real world" just because they don't happen in a classroom.
Of course homeschooling is difficult, exhausting, and we question what we are doing at times, but most of us answer those questions for ourselves by deciding that we are doing what we believe is best for our children.
Its hard NOT to be defensive when someone answers a homeschool high school student's question about a diploma or transcripts by saying he'll never get into college anyway so why bother. As homeschoolers we know this is totally false, and wish others would realize it too.
I'm not saying we SHOULD get defensive, just that its an understandable reaction when you think about it.
I recently answered a question that touched on whether homeschoolers "experience life", so I listed a whole bunch of things I've done with my kids in the past 13 years of homeschooling, I don't think that was defensive, just informative. But I have gotten defensive at rude questions asked by people who just desire to put down homeschoolers, I probably shouldn't have, but hey, I'm only human.

Answer 3

Yes, it does matter what others believe, because if they post negative, false information with no backing here, they are spreading a rhetoric with no basis among people who know no better. People who say "I once knew a guy..." are (maybe, some people just outright lie to try and back their pathetic excuses against homeschooling) trying to discourage people who are asking honest questions about homeschooling.

There are countless people who may read this forum, and who may decide against homeschooling based on the falsehoods shared by inexperienced people. For many people, homeschooling would be not only a viable option, but maybe the best option, but they dismiss it out of their choices because of false information. For those people, I will post responses that state the facts of homeschooling, as well as share my information. i like to think I'm not hostile, I guess I could go back and read my answers, but I am always authentic. I'm not going to suck up just for a chance to get 'best answer'.

I don't get angry with most posters, because I think they are being honest. i do get frustrated with the few who are only posting to point gain, or for no other reason than to attack homeschoolers. and it is frustrating to read the same questions over and over again when I *KNOW* that Yahoo answers posts similar questions when you ask your own. That to me is pure harrassment. And as ewalters posted above, there have been people who have posted "My sister homeschools, should I call DHS?" How many more people are reading in silence, waiting for the answer that validates their concern and step in where it's not appropriate? I have had friends who had CPS called in because they played outside during school hours, or because their neighbors didn't like the way their kids learned.

To me, homeschooling has never been difficult, and I've never doubted that it's the right thing for our family. I am tired, but no more than I would be if my kids were in public school.

Answer 4

I feel my defenses get into gear, because the people who are "concerned" could easily call social services and then we're under investigation for no reason other than someone doesn't mind their own business.

I try not to sound defensive, but the questions I get asked just don't sound like honest questions. They always have an alternative opinion in them. For example, I don't get asked about why I made the choice to homeschool. I get asked:Aren't you concerned about socialization? or How can they learn how to deal with conflict, if you keep them home with you? (and it's in a confrontational tone)

If someone wants to know, they could ask: Do you all just do everything at home, or do you go places? Do you do field trips and such? Can they belong to 4H or scouts since you're not in a school? How do you teach them about social diversity and conflict resolution? (in a 'just curious' tone of voice)

Another issue I have, is that you can't walk up to someone who is a lesbian who has adopted a child and say something about that because it's not politically correct. You can't say anything negative about Mohammed to a muslim because it's not politically correct. You can't say anything negative about Wicca, because it's not politically correct. But apparently, you can say anything NEGATIVE you want about Jesus, Christianity and the choice to homeschool your children and the ACLU will be on your side.

That's why I get defensive.

Answer 5

I agree, I think there are people who get too defensive of homeschooling or their lifestyle. It's a reaction to criticism, some become very touchy.

That seems to happen with just about every group, though, doesn't it? I've known some public school teachers who were overly-defensive of the public school system. I know breastfeeders-- and bottle feeders for that matter-- who get overly-defensive.

Answer 6

I try not to be but I know I am Defensive Because it is me and When I get criticized for What I do it Hurts so I just get defensive! I mean it is not to be mean or to try to hurt others I just want to defend what I do and It just hurts when people generalize about us!

Answer 7

You are right. I am guilty too. I guess I need to have more patience with people who bring up the same issues over and over again; i.e. socialization, qualification and ability of parents to be teachers, weirdness, religious fanatics, child abuse, etc.
I will try to be more patient and understanding of anti-home school people who come to this section to bash us.

Answer 8

I get defensive because I'm sick of constantly defending my way of life against every hack who can just say, "durrh hoemskul iz badd," and get respected for it, while pulling up statistic after statistic and using unwarped common sense to defend what I do is seen as parroting some freaky rhetoric.

How many times can you defuse a lie that everyone paints you with before you get a little sick of it?

Answer 9

"Yes, unfortunately I too have fallen into that trap myself several times."

Well, then, you know just why some of us become defensive! :)