how to motivate a 16 yr. old boy within the public school sytem?

Question

has been evaluated as adhd of the attentive sort....did well in grammar school and from 6th grade on has gone down hill...I think he is more aspergers syndrom on the mild spectrum. I don't medicate but have made dietary changes. He has failed all classes in 10th grade, but his computer (98-100). He won't cooperate with counseling. Talking things away doesn't work..no matter how long it's taken away. We have been consistent and can't inspire him. He won't do the homework, school just thinks he's lazy and insubordinate. I'm at a loss. I've put three older children through (girls) and they did well. I'm sad that I am failing him. I'm not putting him through any more eval's so my opinion on the asperger's is not part of documentation. Any constructive advice would be welcome.
He's a good kid, but has bucked the system from day one. His social skills are weak and he lacks empathy for others. I don't mind the repeating of grade just want him to do the work.

Answer 1

I think a lot of the problem may derive from the way you treat him. I don't mean this in a bad way,it is just that you take him to a bunch of counseling and everything. This may make him feel stupid. Upon feeling stupid, he may decide that he is stupid and therefore does not try anymore. Support him in everything he does. Also, dont compare him to his sisters. When you compare children their self esteem may drop

Answer 2

Maybe you need to consider sending your son to a school that is better equipped for him. Sometimes, kids with ADD/ADHD will do better in a private school because there is more individualized attention, and smaller class sizes. You need to talk to him, and ask him, when you're in class, why don't you do well? And explain to him that you want him to be honest. Is it the teachers? The classmates? The learning style? Then, find a school that helps with that problem. If finding a private school isn't an option (or there are also boarding schools that deal especially with ADD/ADHD, and many offer scholarships), and he has to go to this public school, then you need to sit down with the school district and a therapist licensed in ADD/ADHD treatment, and discuss how you're going to handle this together. Maybe he can do independent study courses where he is learning on the computer, or maybe he can work with the teachers after school more. There are also ADD/ADHD methods that can be implemented in the classroom, and these can be found on the internet or by talking to a licensed therapist. Good luck!

Answer 3

My daughter was the same way - I ended up pulling her out and homeschooling her for the balance of that year. She missed the social activities, her friends, etc. so she went back the next year, but knew that I could pull her back out at any time.

I have an ADHD son and see some of the same behaviors starting to emerge. However, he's gifted - you may be surprised to find that your son is also gifted, but bored. My son gets not-so-great grades because he loses his work, forgets to turn it in, etc. However, if it's a "race" because it's overdue, he's great at doing it.

When my daughter was younger, I actually went inside the school to pick her up, and walked around to each teacher to see what her day was like, and what her homework assignments were. I then made sure she had all her papers and books she needed to do the work. That would certainly embarrass a 16yr old if homeschooling isn't an option for you!

I would take him to a neuropsychologist to find out exactly what you're dealing with, and get some suggestions from the dr on what to do with the information. You may be very surprised at the results!

Answer 4

You know, my little brother was kind of like that in school. He was never diagnosed with a learning or behavioral disability or anything, but he definitely had no use for school his whole life, and all but completely stopped trying to do well around middle school or so. On the other hand, I was the classic overachiever- straight A's, honors classes, on the school trivia bowl and various spelling bees, etc. and school just always came easily for me. My brother isn't any less intelligent than I am- on the contrary, he's something of a computer genius, as your son sounds to be as well- but he didn't have any use for anything he learned in school. Somy mom and I helped him out as much as we could by buying him books he may be interested in reading, helping him with his projects and homework every single night, and getting him supplemental resources like Cliffs Notes or the movie version of a book he was supposed to read for English, etc. which I now know is wrong, but it got him through high school. He went to college for a semester after high school, but dropped out when he was offered a web design job starting at $40K a year- not too shabby for an 18-year-old!!! He now DJ's at several local clubs, makes probably more than I do in my investment firm, and has a pretty happy life. My point: don't worry about your son's scholastic achievement- just get him through it as best as you can, and if he is as smart as he sounds, he will eventually land a great career that is lucrative and enjoyable, and is more about natural intelligence than academic achievement.

Answer 5

If you have magnet schools in the area, check into those. Most have a waiting list, but they are still public schools, so no pricey tuition to pay. He may be able to be placed in a school where the method of learning is more appropriate for him and he can be geared toward subjects that interest him. If he's doing that well in computer, I would say lead him in that direction. You may be raising the next Bill Gates.

Answer 6

my 8 year old son has adhd, he is on ratalin and has improved leaps and bounds, if ratalin is not your idea you can try fish oil that sometimes improves concentration levels.
we explain at lenghts to our boy about his condition and he fully understands now and how to explain it to people because other people (children as well as adults) just think he is naughty kids with adhd often are depressed to and need a lot of confidence boost. he does often get hurt by other children because of his impulsiveness and lack of social understanding but as i say the ritalin has brought him on leaps and bounds and he can now be around children and play well to some exstent but he has also attended speech therapy and social skills classes they must be talked to in the manner that they could put it if they could instructions must be given in the order they are to be done with an ammount of time in between to prosses, and before more instructions are given, strict routiene is important with a routiene they settle better, and if the routiene must change for whatever reason they must be informed and verry set up for the change otherwise it will throw them. DO NOT let anyone tell you he is just naughty because he is not it is an ilness and cannot be helped.

Answer 7

Check the internet for the most poverty stricken neighborhood you can find, locate homeless shelters nearest you, and some run down public housing units. Visit these places and talk with people who are there. Let him know that this is his future without a high school diploma. What's a few years of school compared to a lifetime of worrying about how to put food on the table?

If that isn't enough then bribe him.

Answer 8

Try a charter type school with smaller classes and more individual attention. Those big schools aren't for everyone.

Answer 9

pay him 25$ for every B he gets and 50$ for every A... but don't let him try to sign up for all the easiast classes just to make money.