Daughter seeing school counsellor?

Question

Our 13 yr old daughter has justed started to have weekly sessions with her school counsellor due to her having self injured. She has huge image conscious problems (most do this age). She also has a younger brother with autism. I did initally speak to the counsellor over the phone and she told me about her procedures etc. but I wondered whether it would be too pushy to go along and see her. I understand everything is confidential between my daughter and therapist, but I am anxious to know how she is getting on. She is telling me bits and pieces, or should I leave it for a few more sessions and then ask if we can come in? Thanks

Answer 1

I believe I would insist on a session with the counselor to get a better understanding of what is going on ~ She is your daughter and I believe you still have rights as a parent. I hope she is not cutting ~ 13 is a tender age and the amount of peer pressure is astonishing. My daughter is 12 headed for 13 and kids in her class have categorized the class ~ nerds, geeks, popular ~ ITS TOUGH OUT THERE ! Talk to the counselor to find out what is going on ~ Its not being pushy ~ I am sure as a mother you want to do what is best for her. Let your daughter know that you are here for her ~ and you love her.

Answer 2

Talk To The Counselor More So When Your Daughter Doesn't See Her As Much. Don't Call Her All The Time Or Anything. Your Daughters Problems are her Business. All Daughters Hate When Their Mothers Try To Run Their Lives And Get Into Their Problems. I Go 2 a Counselor For Depression and Self Harm. My Counselor Made My Mom Sit In the Room With Me First Session & Asked me If I Did Any Self Harm. I Looked Straight at My Mother. I Didn't Answer. She Said Let's See Your Arms. I Showed Her & My Mom Was Pissed. I Had To Hear About It For Weeks About how Stupid I Was. So Wait Til She's More Comfortable with The Counselor & Ask Her For her Opinion. Say, Do You Want Me To Sit In With You? Do You want Me To Go With You? Would It Help If I Was There? Do You Want Me To Talk To Her? Do You Want Me To Know What's Going On? Things Like That. Then You'll Know What she wants & you can Just Go From There.

Answer 3

Hi,

Obviously i don't know the situation completely but it sounds like you have a great daughter and the fact she is open enough to be able to tell you she's in counselling and lets you know bits and pieces, is enough. You have to respect the fact that the reason counselling works is for privacy, its a school counsellor not a regular one, so really the main aim is to help the student. You sound like a very caring mum and i am sure you are worried but the fact that your daughter has someone else to confide in, outside of the family and friends unit is maybe what's helping her so much and if you intrude you would be taking that away from her. If you feel you really would like to know how she's doing, ask her, trust her to tell you and ask her if she would like or mind you going in for a family session, she may not want this, so you shouldn't push her. Unless it is group counselling, it's a very private and personal matter.

best of luck to you and your family

Answer 4

I saw the school counsellor for a total of 2 sessions.
The reason? because my father contacted him and the counsellor told my dad a lot of things that i would rather have kept quiet about. The counsellor claimed that he was well within his right to do so. I never attended an appointment again.
My point is... counselling can be a vital part of realising where your life is going wrong, and making steps to put it right and moving on to have a fullfilling life. Let your daughter use the counsellor to help with her problems. it may only be for a short time, anyway.
I understand that the whole situation must be very worrying, but the counsellor will get in contact with you if they are overly concerned.

Answer 5

I mean this in no harsh way but your daughter feels unable to speak to you regarding things that are going on in her life, it's not that she doesn't love you, but she obviously doesn't feel happy enough to talk about things with you.

The councillor is there as a third party to her, "whats said in the room, stays in the room" so she may find it a place where she can talk about things that she doesn't feel she can discuss with anyone else.

It's difficult don't get me wrong but, I think that you should respect her privacy, as if you take away this avenue it could cause more harm that good.
Your daughter will only tell you bits and pieces, so don't fret about that.
I would say that if you have seen no improvement in your daughter or you are really worried about what she is saying then you should talk to her, she more than likely knows your worried about her already.
But if you talk to her about how she thinks she's doing etc, you could always suggest going with her to a therapy session to see if there is anything that you can do, but you should respect whatever decision she makes.

It can be hard watching a loved one especially your own child go through something like this, and how you probably feel you have to walk on egg shells around her.
your not alone in this, and there is help out there for you too.

Answer 6

I am ripped by this. At 13- you as a parent should know everything going on in her life. The therapist should first assess if there is anything wrong between the parents and child. (Physical or sexual abuse). If it is determined that neither one is in play, they should inform you of everything. Perhaps not at all times and not all the details, but you should be aware of things. I do not agree when therapists keeping secrets away from parents as if they were treating adults. Children are under your care and supervision and if there’s something that you should focus on, they need to tell you. I would say get involved not- ask the therapist questions. Make them realize that you need to know and understand what’s going on. If you feel that they are not involving you- get her a new therapist. You must know, protect and guide your children.

I would also take her to a general practitioner to do a full blood panel and check for illegal drugs. (I'm not insinuating that she's a drug addict or anything - however as a parent I would want to know if she tried something in the last couple of months.)

In my limited research and my personal experience, I have found that keeping kids busy doing anything -will keep their mind from getting depressed (and potentially self injuring.) I would put her into any class, sport or activity she's interested in and keep her moving.

I have found that children sometimes have trouble when they feel parents aren't giving them enough love, not paying attention to what they say, are given too much pressure to succeed, are doing drugs or alcohol or have bad friends.

Again I'm not suggesting that you guys are doing a bad job, I'm just telling you what I've seen throughout my life.

What I don't like about therapists is that they think they know it all. If they "diagnose" your child with something – it would be a label they will carry for a long time (perhaps for life).

A good way to help your child is to find a charity (big brother/big sister) organization and have her participate. If she will help tutor 8-9 year old children with school stuff- she will feel the love, appreciation and admiration that children offer. She will begin to feel better about herself and understand how important she is. She will even start manifesting the leadership qualities that is required for the challenge.

I just want to give you options, by all means get involved with her getting her help. Doctors and drugs have their place however popping a pill for everything (for me) is a step back (the quick fix) and I don’t feel they address the problem (unless it’s physical).

I want you to think a little out side the box, and help her give back to the world. Children LOVE it when they feel important and that people depend on them for happiness. Clubs, activities, sports are great- but I think charity helping people less fortunate then she - would give her the best return for the effort.

I'll say a pray for her tonight. (Sorry for the long and winded advise.)

Best of luck and God bless!

Answer 7

It's your daughter and you have the right to ask to sit in or at least talk to the counselor on the problem. Rest assured, her cutting has probably NOTHING to do with you, her parents, her autistic brother, or any kind of trauma. More and more kids are using cutting as a form of "relief" of sorts that comes with the teenage ordeal. Their hormones are raging, their bodies are changing too fast or not enough, peer pressure dominates...the list goes on. So, definitely think about attending. Ask your daughter if it's ok to sit in with her for moral support. If she feels awkward, let her know you'd like to talk to the counselor because you are her mom and need to find ways to do your part in her recovery.

Answer 8

I'm surprised that the counselor didn't schedule a private appointment with you. I'm not sure what school counselor's do as a matter of policy but most clinician's would want you involved in your daughter's care.. If she is into self mutilation (cutting) then you need to research as much as you can about this subject. It is a very difficult situation to deal with and is even difficult for counselor's to handle. She may need some psychiatric intervention and even some medications.

Answer 9

I would leave it alone for a few more sessions. Your daughter is very courageous to know that she needs help and then seeking help. Let her have a few more sessions with the counselor before getting involved. If the counselor feels that there is something that you need to know right away or there is something she wants to talk to you about she will contact you. Good luck.

Answer 10

Talk to the counselor. She won't be able to tell you what is said during sessions but she can tell you when the best time for you to attend a session or recommend a family therapist.