my boyfriend and i are talking about getting married and having kids but we are both still in high school and i want to make it through with out having kids. he doesnt feel the same way he wants kids now and wants to start a family because he thinks that i will leave him if we dont have something to keep us together i want him to know that i dont have to have a kid to keep us together and that i would love to marry him and everything but i just dont want kids right now. btu that doesnt mean that i dont want kids at all but that is what he seems to think that i jsut dont want kids at all which i do but well i think that you get the point.well what should i do????
2007-06-27 02:18:38 · 29 answers · asked by breanna h 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Having kids on purpose in high school sounds like the worst idea in the history of ideas.
I take that back - having kids to "keep us together" when you are in high school is worse.
P.S. Just Say No - to kids, drugs, and marriage before you can legally drink. Just Say Yes to being mature and going to college!
2007-06-27 02:22:05 · answer #1 · answered by duritzgirl4 5 · 13⤊ 0⤋
Good girl! Waiting until you're older and more settled (not to mention physically grown up ) to have children is a wise thing.
If your boyfriend feels that you'd leave him without something to keep you together - then he's really insecure - and not a little immature, too.
Keep on your birth control - no matter what he says.
In the meantime, calmly discuss both your and his personal goals - college, career, travel - before you get married - let alone have children.
And trust me. It's OK to be a welder married to an account executive. What's important is that you discuss your future goals with each other - hey, it's part of laying the groundwork for children. It's also important to discuss things like your mutual faith, finances, living standards - hey again it's groundwork for having a family.
I'd make an appointment with your minister to mediate these discussions. I would bet $$ that he'll make time for an intelligent young couple thinking about setting themselves up for success in life, marriage and parenthood.
And I would bet discussing all these things with your bf - in front of a minister/counselor will open his eyes a bit - in a sort of putting your money where your mouth is kind of way
If he objects to discussing these issues, or wants to change your life plans, then rethink the relationship.
You go girl.
2007-06-27 02:55:14 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AHHHH.... Don't have kids for the sake of a relationship, if it was meant to be you will wait.. The both of you have a lot of growing up to do and starting a family this early in life is not the way to be grown-up... I met my now husband 15 yrs. ago when we were in high school. We went to seperate colleges and maintained a relationship and even broke up a few times here and there, because neither one of us was mature for marriage... Eventually, when we both were ready we got married/ and started a family.. That was the short version- I'm not saying to date for an eternity and get married.... I'm just saying to wait and let time be the judge in the end. . You may outgrown each other or who knows what? Enjoy the time you spend together now- children if you have them now will take that time away... So, his plan will backfire.. You may want to consider going on a back-up form of birth control (pilll,mirena) etc.. To prevent getting pregnant at all, I sense sabotage....on his part...Just a suggestion.... Good luck and be well
2007-06-27 02:34:56 · answer #3 · answered by pebblespro 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off.... honey.... he is wanting to get married for the wrong reasons. You are right on track by saying that you are not ready for children. They are for real and forever. You can't send them back when you are tired of playing with them. You can't set them on a shelf in the closet when you don't want to be bothered. They won't stop crying when you need to sleep.
What makes him think you'll stay with him after you have a child? If it doesn't work out, then so be it. Just don't let him force you do do something you are not ready for, just for the sake of keeping you. WRONG!!!!
You are so RIGHT in wanting to finish high school without the burden of a child.(Not that children are burdens, mind you,) but you would either have to quit school to take care of him/her, get a part time job, which will cut into your schooling, having to find (and pay) a babysitter, have to leave classes if the child gets sick or hurt, the situations are endless. And where will he be when all of this happens? In class also? HMMMMM! I'm not so sure.
What about when he wants a night out with the boys and you need to study for exams and the baby won't sleep?
Stand your ground. If he truly loves you, he will not force this issue on you. You are a wise young woman and I commend you. Good luck and GOD bless you.
2007-06-30 07:02:52 · answer #4 · answered by kystarlyte_kystarlight 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do YOU want? Plus, you are too young. Having kids a commitment and responsibility. When you have them, they are YOUR responsibility, not your family's. Think about your goals. People who have families young often grow apart. Take your time. Suggest babysitting a family member's kids, or be a big brother/big sister to some other kids first. How will you support them? Do you want a college education ? Do you want to work full time right now? YOu have dreams and aspirations, I'm sure. Don't rush. When you turn 21, do you want to go out with your friends or stay home with your kids? Talk to him. Communicate what you want. Remember YOU are the most important person in YOUR life. Best wishes!
2007-06-27 03:36:41 · answer #5 · answered by gapchic400 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a really immaure thing of him to say. he's not ready for fatherhood if those are his reasons. how will he support you and the kids with a high school education? It doesnt even seem like his education will be complete...he'll have to drop out to get a job to support the family he wants. WAIT, finish high school, then college, and then if you are still together and wants kids, Wonderful. Tell him you want more from life then motherhood and being a wife right now....if he doesnt respect that then he doesnt love you. Get engaged if you feel so inclinded make it it a really long engagement and get your educations.
2007-06-27 02:44:50 · answer #6 · answered by ♥Mommy to 3 year old Jacob and baby on the way♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Allow me to begin by saying that your bf is an idiot. He wants in HS? Does he have a job? I mean a "REAL" job? Not working at McDonald's job, but a skill to support a family?
This is a trap. He's trying to trap you. Lock you in for life. Putting you on a string.
Kids don't keep people together. If that was true the marriage and divorce rate in this country would be astronomical. Marriage and having kids are serious life changing events and both of you need to be mature enough to understand that.
2007-06-27 03:20:59 · answer #7 · answered by King H 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should definitely wait to get married and have kids. Enjoy being in high school! It's the last years of your life where you have less responsibility. Getting married and having kids is one of the biggest responsibilities of your life.
Tell your boyfriend that you want to wait to get married - that's totally reasonable! Tell him you're still committed to him and that you want to marry him - just not yet. Nobody starts a family in highschool. But you could start one when you graduate, if you feel that's right for you.
2007-06-27 03:06:56 · answer #8 · answered by e-kay? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your relationship is made to last, it will survive the two of you finishing high school AND college. Once you have completed college and are able to financially support yourself and future children, THEN get married and start a family. It sounds like you are not ready to get married. It does not sound like your relationship is secure, if your boyfriend feels you must have children in order to hold you together. Having a child to save a relationship is not fair to the child, or to the people in the relationship.
Please wait. Use protection...avoid getting trapped into marriage via pregnancy. Finish school, go to college, then plan for a family and future. Enjoy your teen years, give yourself time before moving into the "married with children" phase of your life.
2007-06-27 04:26:34 · answer #9 · answered by Kat 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell your boyfriend you're not having kids right now, and that you have goals and things you want to accomplish before you do.
Sounds like he's not mature enough for marriage, if he thinks children can keep a couple together. Maybe y'all should finish college, or at least get high school diplomas and work and date a while, before tying the knot at all.
2007-06-27 03:11:00 · answer #10 · answered by misguidedrose18 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If anything a kid right now would push you apart, not bring you together.
My husband's girlfriend in high school thought the same thing your boyfriend did, so she got pregnant so her boyfriend could never leave her (without telling him her plan). Her boyfriend is now my husband, so it didn't work (he is still a major part of his son's life, he supports him financially and emotionally, they just didn't get along good enough for him to stay with her). You are smart to wait. Kids are a lot of responsibility. They cost a lot of money, and they take up most of your free time. If you are not financially, emotionally, and mentally ready, then don't have one. I would wait until at least mid 20's, just to give yourself time to live life the way you want to for a while, because once you have kids, your life revolves around them and their needs.
If the relationship is meant to last, it will, without the burden of a child before you are ready. Never compromise what you want for someones else's insecurities.
2007-06-27 02:27:24 · answer #11 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋