how to get over my bf... he dumped me b/c he was looking at other women online... help plez (guys especially)?

Question

my bf dumped me b/c he was unhappy. he was unhappy b/c i was disappointed in him b/c he was looking at other women (not clothed). i caught him doing this before, and told him i hated it, it was disrespectful and unfaithful. when a friend of mine found it when he was at my bfs house and they were messing around on his computer, i didnt believe my friend b/c i trusted my bf. my bf got mad at my friend, so i confronted my bf- when i asked if he was going to tell me, he said no. when i asked why he did it, he said he wanted to and didnt think i would find out. my boyfriend said he felt terrible about it, so i was willing to forgive him. but then he says "this relationship just isnt working, we arent a couple anymore" i went into shock. he did the "its not you its me" deal & wants to be friends
he lies, hides things, checks out other women, and i always give him a chance

can i be his friend after everything hes put me through? why didnt he give me a chance? why would he do this? help

Answer 1

I went through a similar problem with my previous boyfriend. Honey, all I have to say is tell that boy good bye. It’s going to hurt; your going to want to go back to him, but let me tell you a boy like that is NOT worth your time and pain. A new boy will come a long in your life and he will be the greatest thing that has ever happened to you. No one deserves to be treated like that. You are very correct when you told him that what he was doing was disrespectful and unfaithful, and when he told you that he wouldn't tell you what was going on and he just ended your however long relationship by plainly saying - "this relationship just isnt working, we arent a couple anymore" was very immature of him and the "It's not you, It's me" part is the oldest line in the book. Let me tell you sweetheart, you do not what to get in the mess I got in. My boyfriend at the time was looking at the same thing. All crappy guys look at porn. He was also cheating on me for about the third time that I know of. I found out, our relationship went downhill and we broke up, this went on for a year! We kept breaking up and getting back together, we must have broken up about five times or more. It was horrible and painful, and I know you have feelings for this guy, but sweetie, you just do not deserve the pain that he is, and will cause you. The finial time when my boyfriend and I broke up, he said "Can we still be friends" and I said "No", and walked away. Since then I have never looked at, acknowledged him or talked to him. It was very painful at first but then I started to realize that I had made the right decision. I started to feel better about myself and I didn't know why I had stayed with him for so long. Then I was just going a long with life hanging with friends and things like that. I was not expecting to meet the man of my life. But I did, and he is wonderful and he would never do anything what your ex-boyfriend did or that my ex-boyfriend did. My advice to you is to get that man out of your life as soon as possible. Block connection completely, at least for the fist six months.

Answer 2

Hmmm...tough deal. Well, as a guy who has been through the pain of failed relationships more times than I'd like, maybe I can help.

Clearly, he has betrayed your trust more than once. And, I know this is going to sound harsh, but with you giving him more than one chance, he sees you as something of a walkover.

Did you/do you love this guy? If so, don't ever fall into the trap of taking him back because you love him. You need to have more dignity and self-respect. Love is a two-way thing. And, once again, if there is love there, it will be difficult to stay friends as there is a high possibility that the emotions and feelings you had before will resurface. And trust me, that is a head-**** you don't need. Best to make a clean break in that scenario.

You shouldn't feel bad about your reasons for feeling disappointed in him for the reasons you stated. It is disrespectful that he wasn't totally happy with you and he does what he does, but it doesn't mean that some other guy won't be happy with you.

Yes, it might not be what you want to hear right now, but hang in there, and you might meet the right guy for you. Sometimes, that can happen when you least expect it.

And as for being friends with your current man, if you are sure you can handle the emotions, if him looking at other women is no longer a problem for you, then by all means go for it, but don't be afraid to walk away if it gets too much.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Honestly, it's sad how many guys struggle with this. It is a serious problem, and no one can blame you for walking away from him. If I ever put a girl though this, I know I'd feel like a big loser. Tell him how upset it makes you, but he really needs help to get through this, and you may not be able to help him. Whatever happens, pray for him. Even if you don't believe, God can do amazing things for people.

Answer 4

Guys do stuff like that, if you jumped me over that I would have dumped you too, it's a guy thing you wouldn't understand. If you told me like you told him I would have packed your stuff and walked you to the door. If it bothers you that bad you are never going to get and keep a man. I would say try women but they probably would do it to you too, why does it bother you so much, are you a preachers daughter, most people enjoy looking at other naked people, especially if they don't get to at home. I bet you have to have sex with the lights off don't you.

Answer 5

Uh...He was looking at other women naked, he was disappointed in you, and you're the bad one?...He's got issues...I see two things...He does what he wants when he wants and he expects you to be loyal to him...These are the signs of a controlling individual...He doesn't deserve you...Move on...He was probably embarassed, but he has no right to turn the tables to make you feel like crap...HE should feel like crap...

Answer 6

High time you moved on lady. He's just as much said he wants his freedom to do all those stuff he enjoys. You cannot force him to do what he doesn't want to.

Find a more respectful bf - someone more suited to you.

Answer 7

The real question is why do you care? Why do you even want to be with someone who is dishonest and looks at porn when he has a beautiful girl who loves him to look at? Why do you want a man who will look at porn with your friend when he could be spending time with you? I wouldn't even want this person as a friend. Find someone who will respect your wishes and you. Good Luck :)

Answer 8

I you are looking for my advice i would say you dont need that guy and find your self a different one there are plenty of ones that would not do that to you .. suggest looking at whatever church you go to they might have a singles group --

Answer 9

I really don't understand why you and other women want to control a man's private thoughts. It's unreasonable. He isn't actually doing it with another woman. Where's the crime?

Answer 10

he's a guy, he does guy stuff. he messed up by trusting your friend who should be shot. surf some porn with your bf ask him to only do it with you.