Why can't i get on with my mam?

Question

This might go on a while, so i appologise before hand lol.

My mam started a huge arguement last friday saying that i'm spoilt and i don't do enough help around the house, and that i give and not take, it sounds like im making easy excuses for my self, but if i'm spoilt its my parents fault for giving me money, getting me what i want and then letting me get away with doing F*** all to help in the house.

I'm more than willing to help and do stuff, but they don;t give me anything to do, they just expect that i do things, then when nothings done i get told off. After every argument like this, i tell my mam i would like a timetable so to say, with lists of jobs for me to do, wot days and what time etc, but shes never made one.

she is really strict and overprotective and we argue alot, she doesnt see things from my point of view. I'm 17, but i feel more like a 10 year old, i'm not allowed out much, my mam makes all my descisions for me, its like im not allowed my own opinion...

She felt my high school wasnt good enough, so sent me to an all girls school along with a hefty fee. The whole two years i was their i got greif from my mam about how much money she spends on me to go there, i know she's only trying to get me a good ed, but i didn't want to go there in the first place, she wanted me to caryy on their for 6th form but i didnt because i couldnt stand anouther two years getting told off about all the money she spends on me, i chose to go to college but my mam was so angry about it, saying i should have gone to a proper sixth form school, i wanted to do a btec, but my mam said i had to do a-levels as a btec diploma wasnt a worthwhile qualification. Nothing i do seems to be good enough, when we have arguments my mam says really nasty things, like she embarresd and ashamed of me, im not a bad kid for GCSE's i got 1 A*, 3 A's, 4B's and 2 C's, so far i have two as units an A and a B. why can't we get along who is in the wrong here?

I'm trying to get a job, because i hate having to use my mams money, she uses it agaiinst me. i can't wait till i can earn my own money and not have her tell me off for spending it.

theres a million other things i could talk about but i think if i carry on no one will bother reading lol, in a way i really want a family counceller, someone who's not biased and will tell me if i'm being a spoilt brat, or if my parents are being too controlling.

ive been in tears in a taxi once, and the poor taxi criver calmed me down and i told him my whole life story lol he agreed my mam and dad were being slightly unfair...

i know they love me and they only want the nest for me but there comes a time when they have to stand back and let me make my own desicions or theyl only end up pushing me away.

If any one has managed to read this far please help
xxx

-extra stuff in relation to some ansers - i might of made it sound like i don;t do anything - i already do stuff around the house, i do dishes, clearing and setting the table, help make tea, and tidying here and there, which to me is the basic chores, but my mam says i don;t do anything.

you're telling me to grow up - why should i grow up when im being treat like a child? my mam doesnt let me have my own freedom, make my own descision, its a two way system, and she's not letting me live my own life.

Answer 1

You want to make your own decisions, yet you want the decisions such as when and what chores to do made for you. If you are capable of making your own decisions you should be able to see what needs to be done and make those decisions too.

That being said............yes, I agree that your parents probably made some poor decisions themselves in spoiling you and giving you whatever you wanted. But you are old enough.......and aware enough which you just demonstrated in your question........to make some adult decisions to take some responsibility yourself. I always say, when you're a child things are parents responsibility. When you are an adult you have the power to take things into your own hands and make changes. You recognize that you are spoiled. It's time to take some responsibility yourself and make yourself a better, more responsible person.

You are still under your mother's roof, therefore you must abide by her rules. Give her a break.......and some respect for being your mother and providing for you.

--There is always a reason for what and how we are, but there is never an excuse.

Answer 2

Sometimes, after a mam has raised a litttle baby into a tot, and then into a teen; the reality skips a beat; up to a point: mam's do everything (coz the baby cannot; the tot cannot) but somewhere in the middle of becoming a teen; most mam's are right sick of `running a hotel' and picking up for every one; only thing is; in that transition; it's invisible to those that have been running things for YEARS that now they NEED TO CHANGE the rules; and jobs need to be kind of "assigned" so that everyone in the household KNOWS where they stand; and what is expected of them; do you see? I found that happened to me too; it was sudden; and it caused a ton of distress too just like what you are experiencing. If I had that viewpoint that I gained from maturing and having a family of my own back then; I would have sat down with my mam; and given her this letter and let her read it (((smiles))) because they are simply NOT aware of the need to upgrade the scene and if they want to stop running a hotel; then they must hand out some jobs for others in the household to do.
Now about the school thing: I would gently remind her, that it was HER decision to get you to go there; and would she please cease blaming you for her own decision?!
Realise that parents are usually overwhelmed with the heavy responsibility of the entire family; it's woes (individually) and all the finance woes plus other things like ageing; and not having the energy that they used to have!!!
There is ALWAYS two sides to every story and you both need to make room for EACH OTHER!
All the best with your efforts to get this sorted!

Answer 3

I guess what your mum is expecting is for you to open your eyes and see what needs to be done without telling you. You are 17 and fully capable of doing this. Notice that the dishes are not done and do them, vacuum, etc. At your age you should not need a list and a schedule, pay more attention to what is going on in your home. Your mum is a person too with feelings just like you. She probably works hard all day and comes home to a messy house and can not understand why if you are there and not working all day that you can't help her out. She is asking for help, think of how you would feel if you needed help and didn't get it without an argument. Surprise her today and clean, clean , clean. Then notice the smile on her face when she walks in the house. You seem like a good person or else you wouldn't be posting this question so don't be too hard on yourself, just try to think of your mums feelings and try to make her life a little easier. In the long run it will make your life easier too.

Answer 4

Your mom is afraid of losing you, she's not dealing with you growing up and away from her. Alot of parents are not prepared for raising adults, and at 17 you are on your way.

You are using your mothers weakness in parenting as an excuse to wallow around in self pity. You are old enough to make your own schedule of chores. You don't have to do everything, but you know your room should be cleaned, meals are made every day, the floors have to be swept, the knick knacks dusted and the toilet cleaned. Make a list of everyday jobs, once a week jobs and then some big jobs like washing windows once a month. You can empty trash cans, do the dishes, do your laundry, wash the towels, clean out the refridge, and wash the car. Stop waiting to be told to do something and just do it. Yes your parents are at fault for spoiling you, but you are at fault for knowing it and not doing anything about it.

Answer 5

Why on earth don't you just look around the house and see what work still needs to be done? If the dishes arent done- do them. If the vaccuuming isn't done- do it. You are 17 your mam should not have to tell you - you should look around and be able to see what hasnt been done yet. At 17 you are nearly a grown woman and should start to act like one. Many many girls your age have children and homes of thier own- do you think someone tells them what work needs doing?
Mam is saying its time to grow up. Do it!!

Answer 6

oohh.. sometimes my mom and i have the same arguments at home.. when i think she'a not having a cool head, i start to do things on my own, without being told, so that there would be less arguments--and more pleasing atmosphere inside the house..try talking to her.. or maybe she's dealing with problems of her own that's why she's treating you that way...
maybe the reason why she's makin decisions for you is that she doesnt want you to make the same mistakes she did...
i hope this helps...