I am 20 years old. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years We have had a rough couple of weeks since I returned from 3 months of studying abroad. He recently told me that he never wants to have a family. I told him that I do want to have a family when I get older and that it is very important to me. Is it too early to be thinking about these things? I know I'm young but I have always thought I would have a family someday. I love him very much and we've even talked about getting married someday. I don't understand why he changed his mind. He thinks that he would be a bad parent and couldn't balance it. He is the most organized person I know and is wonderful with kids. He actually used to tell me he wanted a family until recently. I am afraid I will find out 10-15 years later that he doesn't want a family and I will be left unhappy without a family. Is it more important- having a family or being with someone you love? Should I break up with him over this?
2007-06-26 18:50:24 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
you should first find out the reason for his "sudden" change instead of asking which one is more important.
If it's just purely that he dont want to start a family but his heart is still with you, then you have to ask yourself would you mind being his gf "forever".
i have seen some gals who really dont mind the status or certificate as long as the man truly loves her but i also have frds who will leave the guy if she realised that the man is not going to marry her and have kid with her.
i hope my little advice can help you a little at least.
the choice is urs, don be easily influence by others.
2007-06-26 19:26:32 · answer #1 · answered by overseas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe just talk to him about how you feel. Iam 21 and i cant imagine not having a family one day. My boyfriend and i have only been togeather a month, i havnt even told him i love him. I cant judge here its too early. But Ive had a similar thing with past relationships. Consider how much it means to you to have a family 3 years is a make or break point in most relationships. If you tell him how you feel and that your not sure if it can work if he doesnt want a family. Then he will either explain why he has changed his mind(he owes you that) or he will give you a reason to break up with him. Honesty is always the best policy and most guys arnt very susceptible you need to be clear.
2007-06-26 18:57:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would first try to understand exactly what changed his mind...something has clearly changed his ideas and I'm thinking its something specific. If you can get to the bottom of this, it's very possible that he will feel comfortable and want kids later too. However, if he has just grown and discovered that kids isn't something he's interssted in later down the road, then I would say it's time to move on. Its not going to work well if you want kids and he doesn't. It's better to just move on now then spend 8 more years on someone who you won't end up with anyways. However, I would get to the bottom of his new decision before just giving up.
2014-12-26 12:16:58 · answer #3 · answered by Haley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To change ones mind is allowable at this age the 2 of you are. But in saying that, remember he may have done you a favor now. Can you imagine if in a few years you 2 married and he changed his mind then? You would have been shocked. You have a lot more growing and maturing to do. One day you will find a wonderful man who loves you very much and wants a family. Of course break up with him. Dating is all about getting to know someone. There character, likes, dislike.
2007-06-26 19:02:37 · answer #4 · answered by Cinnamon 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you should not end a relationship because your mate does not want a family. You should wait and give your relationship and him some time, what if in 2 or 3 years he changes his mind? What if you were physically unable to have a child because of medical reasons, would you want him to leave you because of that? When you love some one you put there needs before your own. I think if you drop the subject and respect his right to not want a family. If he truly loves you he will come around. I do caution you though don't wait for him to come around for like 20 years, i am not saying that. I am saying give him some time, true love conquers all and his love for you should overshadow his not wanting a family in the near future. Good luck and good parenting to you both!
2007-07-04 13:11:54 · answer #5 · answered by Sha T 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No no, He's just having self esteem issues. Basically he is worry about if he can support you and a kid financially, physically, emotionally, mentally, and all the such. He's probably just thinking all the pessimestic stuff and putting himself down.
If this is the issue and he really was interested before then you just need to stay with him and boost his self-esteem, but do not annoy him. First off get him to take the step into marriage with you. Then support him in getting a carreer which he feels that he can support a family on and have the time to interact with the kids as well.
2007-06-26 19:21:09 · answer #6 · answered by rezruf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a family is everything. There is nothing more precious than holding your own child and the love you feel for that child is earth shattering. I would never be with someone who didn't want kids if I did. I have one daughter and she is everything to me. I would die for her. I do without so she can have everything. The bond I have with her is like nothing I have ever experienced. I would never give up having a family for anything.
2007-07-04 07:52:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My bf and I don't agree on family yet, but it will be a serious problem. If he has recentl changed his mind, however, that might be a sign that something else is goin on. Just ask him why he changed his mind. Which is more important? Only you can say. If you truly love each other, though, it will work out.
2007-06-26 18:54:46 · answer #8 · answered by Melissa H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to him about it. my roomate went to the disney program and her boyfriend said stuff like that just because he was mad she left him for a whole semester. and if he still insist this is how he fills, then if you still want to be with him, i say stay with him. Let him know this is important to you and see what he opts to do about your current relationship.
2007-06-26 18:55:32 · answer #9 · answered by from_me_to_you 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, move on and let go. This is a deal breaker question for a couple.
Kids
Money
Religion
Sex
All issues that need to be agreed upon.....It is okay to love someone and still let go and move on.
2007-07-04 15:54:39 · answer #10 · answered by geminijeanna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋