I am 19 and a sophmore in college. I have super strict parents and though I love them to pieces, I can't deal with this much of it anymore. (examples include early curfew when Im home, constant lectures about the proper order of doing things aka marriage before intimacy of any kind including just staying over at his place, not being allowed to visit him over the summer as he lives 2.5 hours away even if I stay in a guest room at his mom's house etc). They pay my room and board at school, so I either need a way to be declared as an independent in order to get more financial aid or a way to convince them to let me make my own choices. If anyone has suggestions I would love your advice.
2007-06-26 18:05:55 · 12 answers · asked by Liz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You're kind of at a crossroads. You can either suck it up and hold out for a couple more years til you're done with school, or completely cross the threshold into adulthood and stand up for yourself. Keep in mind that if you do that, you'll probably end up paying for your own schooling.
From a parent's perspective, I'd say that if they're still paying for your living expenses, and your permanent address is their house, they still do have some say over what you do. It is the price you pay for extending your dependency on them. I know that's probably not what you want to hear. Sorry.
2007-06-26 18:12:35 · answer #1 · answered by rainchaser77 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
While your parents pay your way, you give the respect they deserve and follow their rules. Like my father told me, anytime you don't like it go get a job and support yourself.
That means move out, do your own wash, buy and cook your own food, and just visit your parent's house. Oh yea, and pay for your college. Anytime you are in anyone's home, you follow their rules. If someone has to tell you that, you are not mature enough to handle yourself. You don't want any responsibility, you just want to do what you want to do. That's nice if you can pull it off, but your parents care enough about you to not let you get away with it. Be glad you have parents that care enough to give you rules and guidance. That intimacy thing is loaded. They want you to be moral. OK. I gave my nephew the same stuff-sorta. . . I was more concerned some young local girl with no ambitions would try to trap him into marriage before he got more worldly and knew how to shake that type off. There's a lot more wisdom to what they are trying to teach you than you realize. You will appreciate their efforts a whole lot more when your raising your own children. In the mean time stick with the rules, educate yourself so you can live the life your parents want for you, and have patience-all good things will come to you. Show your parents you are maturing by making good choices and they will probably lighten up on you but it won't happen overnight.
2007-06-26 18:19:19 · answer #2 · answered by towanda 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend who's in the same predicament as you are! Several of them, actually, since they're all brothers and sister. My suggestion is to have a serious talk with your parents. Once they see you as a mature, responsible grown-up (instead of their baby girl), they may be more likely to let you make a few more decisions on your own. Stress the point that they raised a responsible, mature adult and how grateful you are that you have such wonderful parents (kissing up does NOT hurt!). Drop the boyfriend subject for now; that will solve itself once some more basic decisions are made on your own. Also mention the fact that you need to make a few decisions on your own--such as financial assistance--to be able to grow and explain this will come in handy in your new career. Good luck and I hope it helped.
P.S. Kudos to your parents by the way---they sound like awesome people, even if they do tend to love you a little TOO much!
2007-06-26 18:16:50 · answer #3 · answered by moosesandsnow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. I would try a meeting of the minds. If you have been responsible in the past, and have not given then a reason to mistrust your judgement maybe it will work. Maybe approach from the angle of: "Mom and Dad, do you think you have taught me the right things in life about intimacy and relationships?" Obviously they will say "Of course we have!" Then ask why they dont trust you to make decisions for yourself in that area. You cannot live in a bubble, not on any level and certainly not on the relationship level. Hopefully you are just gun shy of sittng down and really hashing this out with them and they will realize what they are doing to you, by not trusting you.
Good Luck and God Bless!B-Jay
2007-06-26 18:15:03 · answer #4 · answered by B-Jay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a job...get out and do not expect to have what they provide...learn to make it on your own...my parents attitude was 18 and out....they had 6 kids
I was pissed but now all my friends who had all the "advantages" are no better off than me and usually are worse off and what I have is mine my way
Your parents can claim you as a tax deduction until you are 21 if you are in school. Financial aid will look back one year to determine if you are to be considered independant based on whether or not your parents declared you. If you are grown up enough to be truly on your own then ask them to not take you as a deduction for this year and you will qualify as independant based on YOUR income (if you have any) otherwise Financial aid is based on your parents income
2007-06-26 18:09:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
talk to them tell them how you feel.if you cant achieve financial independence .....they pretty much run the show.
but you can ask for a better curfew...a little trust tell them that they did a great job raising you .now they have to trust you.to make some of your own choices.and that you will make mistakes but how will you learn if you are not given the opportunity to make some choices for yourself.
2007-06-26 18:17:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a job, and pay your own way. If you want to be treated as an adult you have to accept the responsibility's of being an adult. They only want what is best for you.
2007-06-26 18:11:51 · answer #7 · answered by fuzzykitty 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a job, make your own money, and take care of yourself....
Have a "friendship" with your parents instead of an "I need your financial support" relationship.....
If you can't support yourself, and still get through college, then I would say RESPECT YOUR PARENTS AND DO WHAT THEY ASK.........
2007-06-26 18:10:40 · answer #8 · answered by crankyissues 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When the parents hold the purse strings you really don't have many options.
You're almost finished school try to either bear with it or.....finance your own education.
2007-06-26 18:23:21 · answer #9 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're over 18 and can leave at any time so leave.
It sounds like you're choosing to be there because of their financial support.
2007-06-26 18:18:20 · answer #10 · answered by David C 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋