do anybody know good jokes?

Question

i need some laughter today

Answer 1

a woman goes to see her first date at his house and she noticed that he had a lot of cats. but he said that they were okay so she went in. later the neighbors heard a very familiar noise coming from his bedroom: "ahh, ahh,aahh,aahh,aahhh... achoo!!!"

Answer 2

Here's a good blonde one.
A brunette is standing on a hill shouting "49! 49! 49!". A blonde comes along and asks the brunette "Can I shout with you?" the brunette agrees and they both stand on the hill shouting "49! 49! 49!". The blonde says "gee, I don't think anyone can hear us." so she goes and stands on the highway shouting "49! 49! 49!" and gets hit by a car. The brunette starts shouting "50! 50! 50!".
Another blonde joke:
A blonde walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a little while, another walks in. The first one slaps the other on the back, hugges her and says "59 days!" after a while, a few more show up and they all start slapping each other on the back and hugging and saying "59 days!" Finally, the bar tender gets curious and asks "Whats up with this 59 days thing?" The first blonde looks at him and says "well, we got this puzzle and on the box it said 3 to 5 years but we solved it in 59 days!"
Hope those cheer u up. sorry, the only really good jokes i can think of right now are blonde jokes.

Answer 3

Ok Dee D what do you think of this:

A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands."Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

15 students raise their hands. "That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The redneck student (remember, this is Alabama) replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost." The student replies, "Ghost?!? Damn, I thought you said 'goats.'"

Answer 4

No, but have a funny story.

My dad and i bought my cuzins a pool to play in. They r only 3 and 4 yrs. old. They were at my grandfolks house, so we brought it over there. Im a teenager, so I was to little ot get in that little pool. I did dip my feet in and relax though. My cuzin Carlie and I went in to get some food. When we got back, her lil bro. sam had pooped in the pool. We told our folks, and sam got a good whoppin'! We had to wash it out and everything! Ya gotta be careful when ur around lil kids....

Answer 5

TIGHT DRESS.....
The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he noticed a young woman in the front row. She was wearing a tight dress with her boobs almost hanging out.
He couldn't concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and ask ed to speak to the woman after everyone else had left the church.
When they were alone, the reverend said in his sternest voice, "Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?"
"Why, reverend," the young thing replied.
"All of my boyfriends tell me that they can hear the angels sing when they put their heads on my breasts."
"Hmm. Well let me check," said the man of the cloth, placing his head between her ****. After several minutes, he raised his head and said ,
"I don't hear any angels singing!"
"Of course not, reverend," she said. "You're not plugged in yet."

Answer 6

Peter Kay knows quite a few, as does Billy Conolly

Answer 7

If I die.........

It was a Monday night and John was at home watching television when his wife came into the room and asked, "If I died would you get married again?" John thought for a second then said "Yes I suppose I would." Then she asked "Would you have her as your golfing partner?" John replied "Yes I probably would do that too." "But surely you wouldn't give her my clubs?" she cried. John stared at her for a moment, then said, "No, she's left handed!

Answer 8

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some f--ing French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs.

She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more f--ing French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away.

Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the f--ing French toast."

Answer 9

Yes, quite a few comedians tell good jokes.

Answer 10

this one is only good when my "digital media" teacher from grade school tells it .... he on crack

so theres 2 muffins in a microwave

one muffin turns to the other and says "wow, it's really getting hot in here, huh!?"

the other muffin turns toward him and screams "Oh My God!! A talking Muffin!"


yeah i know i suck lol