Mom not helping with the wedding...?

Question

My mom and I have always been really close, she loves my fiance and she is giving us 10k for the wedding...but she is not helping at all! Everything I say I like, she hates. Everything that I find is too expensive! She hasn't made it to any of the appointments that we have set up and it's starting to get to me. I know she wants to be there, and she means well but it's really starting to bug me! I don't know why she is so distant and disagreeable! Could this be because she doesn't have a happy marriage? Is she stuck in the 70's price range of things? It seems she is so against my wedding sometimes.

Answer 1

sorry for posting late, had to wait until i could answer questions again

i think almost everyone reading this question misunderstood what you have said. people are assuming your momma said, here, have 10k when it is not the case. it is more like, here, have 10k ON THINGS I WANT FOR YOUR WEDDING! she has given you this amount yes but then is making demands, because it is her money. that is why you are in such a hard place, because it is her money but your wedding.

another point seems to be she truly is not helping, but hindering. now while money is nice, you are sad because what you need is your mom's help, not disapproval over everything you try to do.

it sounds like in her mind she has it set on what it should be and is mad you do not see it her way. if she does not make it to the appointments, then she can not complain on what decisions you make. start to have compromises, say okay, we can have that sort of dish at the wedding, but i would to spend a little more on the flowers.

sometimes when you have too much money, there are just as many problems than if you had not enough. weddings can be a tense time for mothers and daughters. just breath, relax, and remain calm. try to tell her your point of view and ask why she seems to hate what you like and ask what she would suggest instead.

i wish you the best of luck

Answer 2

I know it is frustrating. My mom is the EXACT same way. She is helping with $$$ and I AM very grateful. But the only "help" she has givem me is that she thinks that two thousand and seven is supposed to be capitalized. But I am certain that it is not. It's not a proper noun. So not much help. It makes me feel very alone because I have no sisters and my fiance's mom passed away a few years ago. So I am flying blind here.

But it's not really her fault. I think she just doesn't understand HOW to help. I think she WANTS to, but she never had a wedding of her own, hasn't been in any weddings, and just genuinely doesn't have a clue!

I'd love it if she would say something like, "Hey, I found this great deal on flowers, what do you think." Or something along those lines.

Perhaps your mom is like mine and the only way she knows how to help is financially, or by looking for the fault in thing (ya know, just in case you didn't.... LOL)

Answer 3

Ok. 10K, wow, both my parents only gave me $500 a piece, The rest was up to me and my husband. If I had that, holy crud, I would have done my wedding differently.
My mom always complained after my sister got married, how she never asked her for help with anything...Which wasn't true, but anyway...... When I had mine, when I started out planning, my mom was the same was as yours, everything was too expensive or not what she liked.

Knowing what happened with my sisters, I sat my mom down for a talk and asked my mom, how she and dad got married. I knew, but wanted her to relive it. She told me that they got married from a Judge in a court room. (They have been divorced for 32 years now). So, I said to her, Mom, since you didn't have a "real" wedding, I want you to be a part of mine. I want you to be at appointments with me and I will call you and let you know when they are and if you don't want to go, just let me know. If she started with, "it's too expensive", I then gave her facts of how much stuff cost's elsewhere, and sometimes showed her proof. Then if she didn't like it (and said so), then I would say, well mom, it is MY wedding and your opinion is well taken.

I did it my way anyway. My biggest role for my own wedding, was helping my mom pick out her dress. I told her how fabulous it looked, how slimming (and it did), and how jealous she will make my dad, and her sister too! LOL...it worked and it was a great experience for both of us.... Many blessings and best wishes for you (and your mom) on your wedding day!

Answer 4

Would you rather her help with the wedding than give the money? Maybe she thinks because she is giving you the money that she doesn't have to help. I know that sounds weird, but it could be true. I know how you feel. When I had my wedding every idea I had everyone in his family hated it! They all wanted to take over though. It wasn't a lack of help. Try telling her how you feel. If all else fails....maybe she shouldn't be helping because it could cause a huge fight. After the wedding when you and your hubby are alone together none of this will even matter anymore...just keep that in mind. Good luck

Answer 5

You're very lucky your mom has been able to provide you with such a large sum towards your wedding!

Have you spoken to her? Does she know that you'd like her to be more involved? Could be that she is backing off and staying out of it because she wants it to be your day and not hers (because of the disagreements).

I think you may also need to take a step back and consider how you are acting as well. The comments about her marriage and her being "stuck in the 70's" are not exactly kind, even if they are true.

Try a bit of compromise and see how it goes. Good luck!

Answer 6

Well, 10K is alot of money for most people. You need to be careful how you spend it because it will go fast. It seems ashamed to have to spend all of that money, just for a one day party. And, if your in your 20s, chances are, you won't even get half of that back. Perhaps you mom is all ready aware of that and is checking out, emotionally. Have you considered just having something smaller, like at a restaurant and spending half the money and using the other half to put down on a house?

Answer 7

Do yourself a favor- research and shop around. Get a list of different vendors and choices- compare the prices, and sit down and talk to your mom. This will show her that you aren't just buying compulsively (and expensively). Tell her that you want her there with you for appointments because you value her opinion. Good luck and congrats!

Answer 8

Maybe you can ask your future mother-in-law to help out. I know for myself, I was in a similar situation. I didn't have that much of an allowance for my upcoming wedding. I asked my future mother-in-law for help, since my mom was only contributing monetary support. Let me just say, asking her to help me with some decisions was the best thing to do. Not only have we gotten closer, but now my mom is helping out a bit seeing that someone else is helping. Best of luck!

Answer 9

she doesnt HAVE to do anything. the fact that she has given you that much money to work with should be enough. its your wedding, not hers. do what YOU and your fiance want to. there may be some things you can comprimise with her on (do you really need to spend so much on flowers? or a cake?)...she may have some very good points if you listen to her. ive been to weddings that were simply stunning and they only spent like, $5000 on the reception (no lie)...

Answer 10

You can have a very nice wedding for $10,000 or one heck of a honeymoon OR a downpayment on a house or a used car..............

She gave you the money to do it your way.

If you are as close as you say, ask her WHY is she acting this way? She may have her reasons.