My cousin is getting married next year (she's 25) and she has only been engaged for two months and our family is asking of very stupid, rude, and just plain insensitive requests. She and her fiance chose a date that was significant to them and what would work best-- but everyone's telling them to change the date. They're saying she should have thought of everyone else's needs and not just hers. And everyone is telling her who she can and cannot invite, who she "will" invite, what she "will" wear, etc. She called me last night just bawling her eyes out!
She and I are around the same age and I think she needs another person to support her in all of this. First of all, are our family's requests absurd? what should she do to try to get through this without offending anyone? what can I do (as a bridesmaid as well) to ease this stress? How do we tell our families to respect her wishes and what can I do to help her build that confidence? This is supposed to be a happy time for her, not sad!
2007-06-26 14:53:32 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymousgirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
And no-- eloping would not work very well. Our family is very traditional Indian and the LAST thing she wants to do is cause shame and disgrace! She doesn't want to be a doormat but at the same time she doesn't want to be disrespectful either!
2007-06-26 15:00:20 · update #1
She and her fiance are paying for more than half, and each of their respective parents are helping out. Her fiance's parents have supported their decisions but our aunts, uncles, cousins, and HER parents keep complaining. They keep saying that they have school, it's not fair that they wouldn't be able to come, etc. Then her parents (my aunt and uncle) said that they would be disgraced if they didn't make the changes. It's been a LOT of drama.
2007-06-26 15:44:39 · update #2
Well, I had my own crying fit this weekend over the same thing! People all seem to feel entitled to tell the bride how to handle every single detail from the guest list to the venue to the cake, and on and on...my finace gave me a great piece of advice...whenever anyone asks about the wedding, just say that's all been taken care of already, and if they ask for details, just say, you'll have to wait and see, then smile and change the subject...I'm 37 years old, and I've never gotten so much free "advice" in my life, and also never had to expend so much energy explaining my every decision....we've decided to have a cupcake wedding cake (lots of reasons why this is perfect for us), and I had to have a 15 minute discussion with his aunt over sheet cakes are better, and they're cheaper, and cupcakes aren't for weddings, etc...for heaven's sake, I'm almost 40 years old--I am aware of the existence of sheet cakes! I know this stuff all can drive a bride nuts, but just tell everyone you're not sure what the couple has decided, and she can tell them it's been taken care of...tight-lipped is the way to go, I'm convinced.
When I ever talk about wedding things, I always say WE'VE decided...not I'VE decided...that means we are both made the decision together-we're a team...this isn't just my crazy ideas!
2007-06-26 15:04:23 · answer #1 · answered by melouofs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your family is being a bit outrageous. She needs to tell everyone that she is putting off planning for the next month or so. Something came up and she has to focus on it. Then she and her fiance need to sit down together and decide what it is they want at their wedding. If they can only pay for it with help from family then is downsizing it to keep it how they want okay. If they can pay for it without family then they just need to hammer out the details and send out invites a respectable amount of time before the ceremony and not ask for input or agree to discuss the wedding with anyone else until it's time.
2007-06-26 15:03:14 · answer #2 · answered by indydst8 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Who is paying? If her parents are paying they have input but if they love her, they would want her wishes honored. When you say 'they' and 'everyone' I am not sure who they and everyone ' is. No one other than her parents should have input and that I would hope would be limited. She and her fiance should work it out with her parents and not discuss or tell anyone else. It should be a surprise to all when the invitation arrives in the mail. Nothing is worse than something planned by a group. i am sure that she never told anyone to change their wedding date. This is very serious since it may continue after the marriage that these people are intrusive so she needs to keep her mouth shut and never discuss anything about her marriage to her family even her parents. I worrry she is easily intimidated and weak. If she cannot stand up for herself she is not mature enough to be married.
2007-06-26 15:01:07 · answer #3 · answered by barthebear 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your family is being over the top. I don't understand how the date is not convenient for the family. It's a family event, OVER a year away. Therefore, it should be first and only priority.
Secondly, the only people that can invite anyone is the bride and groom (their parent's too, but within limitation)
Tell your family to back off. Tell your cousin to learn to stand her ground.
2007-06-26 15:00:52 · answer #4 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is a time where she's just got to stand up for herself and tell them that it is HER wedding and that the date is very special to her and her future husband and if they can't make it, she will miss them dearly, but understand. As far as dictating what she can wear...same goes. And for the do not invite/invite list...maybe if she agrees to seat people who do not get along on different sides of the room -and remind people that they are to be ADULTS and get along for the sake of celebrating her special day! Best of luck.
2007-06-26 15:04:07 · answer #5 · answered by terasa425 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
no matter what she does she will offend or hurt someone.
this is a day for her and her groom.
if her family do not like her plans and dates, then they can go fly a kite.
They are being rude, disrespectful, and cruel to try to tell her how to plan HER wedding.
2007-06-26 15:13:46 · answer #6 · answered by Terri 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to just elope. That will shut up everyone. Good luck and my best wishes to the happy couples.
2007-06-26 14:57:46 · answer #7 · answered by betty_htch 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋