Me and my co worker were good friends and dwe got engaged a few days apart. I was excited because I thought that we'd go dress shopping together and what not. Well the opposite happened and now she is really trying to make me feel that my wedding does not matter saying things like "Well, my wedding is before yours anyway!" (Its a few months before.) She also borderline brags about her wedding being cheaper...so far...than mine. And everytime I say anything about my wedding its "wrong" in her eyes. She'll also get judgemental asking me questions like "Why are you doing that!?!?" My dress was WAY more expensive than hers and she critized me on that saying, "I only spent $99 on my dress! You were a fool for paying that much!" As if it isn't MY wedding. Im not sure what to do about her. help.
2007-06-26 14:34:14 · 26 answers · asked by LOVE BEING A MOMMY 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Well, I dont talk about mine anymore butit is diffucult because she talks about hers. And NO IT IS NOT A COMPETITION! I am not trying to compete, like I said I stopped talking about mine months ago. I NEVER intended for this to be a fued because we were close. I hate that it's gotten to this point and I love her to death but I feel so sick about this issue. I do not however, feel that it is childish because this wedding marks a VERY important day for me and my fiancee. We are celebrating our love and that I dont take lightly. I thought that planning this day would be stressful but not for the reasons that it is. Thanks for all your help! Keep posting!
2007-06-26 16:04:56 · update #1
Stop discussing your plans with her. It's become a competition for some reason and if you continue she'll only berate you for one decision or the other. Enjoy planning your wedding with people that care about you but leave it out of the office.
2007-06-26 14:41:20 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
1. Stop talking about wedding plans at work. You are supposed to be working, so be "busy" when she brings up the subject. Avoid discussion of wedding things with her. Avoid lunching at the same time, etc.
2. Her wedding can in no way overshadow yours. You have different friends and family members, correct? The guest lists will not be identical.
3. How "good" is this friendship? Do you socialize outside of work? Would you be upset to lose this friendship? Lots of times, coworker relationships are friendly . . . but there is not much there outside of work. Evaluate how important this friendship is to you. You can start distancing yourself from this friendship if she is truly not important to you. Be unavailable.
4. You can try being blunt. Tell her, "What you just said hurts my feelings. That may not have been your intent, but I would prefer to stop discussing our weddings at work."
5. You can discuss the situation with your boss. Last step, and one that will probably put an end to any friendship between you and coworker. Plus . . . boss may not be happy either, figuring this is something petty that should have been handled before getting this far.
Good luck to you. Remember, this is not a competition. Let most of what she says go in one ear and out the other.
2007-06-27 01:38:44 · answer #2 · answered by Suz123 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Basically, weddings make people act in ways they normally wouldn't.
Why do you feel you need to compete with her and she with you?
You say you were good friends? The best thing to do is to talk to her. Sit her down and tell her you are happy for her, but that you don't want this to be a competition and you don't want to lose a friendship over something like this. Let her know that you don't appreciate her being so critical of your choices for YOUR special day. After that, you may be better off not discussing your wedding details at all or in very general terms.
2007-06-26 15:52:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop talking about wedding stuff with her. If she brings it up, acknowledge it but don't get into what you are doing. Some people are just like that. They are negative people and like to put others down. It probably has to do with an inferiority complex or a self esteem issue. Maybe she isn't really happy about the $99 dress and this is her way of covering that up. Avoid the wedding talk, keep your plans to yourself and after you attend her wedding and you see all of the stuff you positively do not want happening - fix it for yours! (Just keep quiet about it!)
2007-06-26 15:48:52 · answer #4 · answered by JM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lady, kick back and watch her wedding -- you'll gain valuable tips from all the mistakes this Bridezilla will inevitably make. Your wedding and wedding day is not about competition, as she is making it out to be. It's about you and the love of your life, and a lifetime commitment. You make sure you do what makes you happy for your wedding. And the next time the 'Zilla roars, ignore it. Don't rise to her useless challenges. This competitive thing she has going is all about her own insecurities.
You and your man be happy. Sounds like her poor man might be getting the short end of the stick with someone who has treated others as she has.
Have a beautiful wedding day. A long and happy marriage to you!
2007-06-26 15:37:36 · answer #5 · answered by hrhtheprincessofeire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That really sucks! I would be a little upset myself! I think it's about jealousy. I don't care if her wedding is a few months before yours, who cares. She can have that attitude about yours, well you can have the same attitude about hers. If that's the way she wants to be, then fine - let her be rude on her own. You don't need that. She sounds like she's got the "I'm the best" attitude. I don't know why she should care if you spent $10,000 on your dress, it's your dress, your choice, what you want, and what you got! If she spent $99 bucks on a dress that's been worn and worn and worn, then cool for her. But why rub a used dress in your face? Just as bad as rubbing an amazingly expensive dress in someone who can't afford it's face.
No reason to compare, but it happens. I've run across it in my own wedding planning experiences. I would probably break down and just tell her to f*ck off, honestly. Don't bother chatting with the less than perfect friend about wedding stuff. Maybe it's just something she can't handle. Every bride wants their moment I guess, but this bride seems like the world revolves around her. Too bad.
Good luck soon to be Mrs! :)
2007-06-26 15:30:09 · answer #6 · answered by Kass 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to distance yourself physically and mentally from her. It shouldnt be a competitive thing and too much comparing is going on. What drama! No one needs this and I know you wanted a friend to enjoy this time with but she is not it. Keep being gracious and acting enthusiastic for her but gradually withdraw from telling her things. This will be increasingly important right after her wedding when she will be in a 'let-down' stage and want to tell you even more what to do for your wedding. So if you start NOW, by that time she wont have so much access to you. I am sure you have better things to do with your time than discuss your plans with her. But since you have to work with her, figure a way to be charming yet distant. Sounds like she is turning into a Bridezilla already and you do not want to be one.
2007-06-26 14:51:26 · answer #7 · answered by barthebear 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's as simple as not talking about the wedding at work. She's being childish for acting that way, and you're being a little childish for getting so upset over someone that obviously doesn't seem very intelligent in the first place
2007-06-27 02:48:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
properly, in case you're making plans a reception once you come back from Vegas, i'm assuming which you will not have a gaggle of individuals coming to Vegas with you. If i'm ultimate in that assumption, then what's the enormous deal on the grounds which you would be celebrating your wedding ceremony plenty later? What you are able to desire to recover from isn't being the focal factor in this time. on the grounds that her wedding ceremony is on the city, persons are going to be greater concentrated on her wedding ceremony plans than yours. this is the cost of having a holiday spot wedding ceremony, hon.
2016-09-28 12:37:09 · answer #9 · answered by pihl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you just stop talking about your wedding and if she asks you why tell her because she was being a ***** everytime you said anything so you decided not to discuss it anymore and not let her hurt your feelings anymore. Tell her every time you said anything she had to insult you and you got tired of her doing that. Maybe then she'll feel bad and ashamed of herself and stop doing it. Then you can stop feeling bad and start enjoying your wedding planning again.
2007-06-26 15:50:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋