Is wedding etiquette too rigid?

Question

Or are people just too uptight planning and during weddings? I have seen people rip others apart over what looks like innocent little miscues. The wedding itself might be the most special thing for the bride & groom & the mom & pop but the process up to that point seems to bring out a nasty side in people.

Answer 1

Yes they are.

You MUST do this.

You MUST do that.

Heaven forbid you DON'T do this.

Ugh, sometimes I just want to elope and be done with it all.

Answer 2

There are parts of wedding etiquette that probably should be thrown out the window, but some of it needs to remain. Some of it, like the not mentioning registry/gift requests in the wedding invitation, and the sending of thank you notes need to remain, and people should follow rather faithfully. The whole "who pays for what" is thankfully being thrown out the window. And I don't think anyone gets upset over someone missing a minor social grace and comitting a minor faux pas, but some people get downright rude over weddings, and it's about as far from an innocent miscue as it can get.

I think people also need to realize there is an entire industry around weddings--not getting married--WEDDINGS. If anyone gives me advise about a subject, I ask myself what they have to gain from it, and in the case of weddings--alot of the people forking out the advise to these brides have ALOT to gain when these brides follow their advise. So I take all that with a HUGE grain of salt. You're right though, weddings do tend to bring out a nasty side to many people. It's sad, because it should be about the joining together of 2 families, and the creation of a new family. Like I tell people here, a wedding is 1 day, your marriage is a lifetime.

Answer 3

In my opinion, you have to be taught social etiquette before you can practice it. That must be done when you are a child.

When I was a little girl, (many, many, moons ago) I was taught that children were to be seen and not heard. I was taught manners and respect, such as yes SIR/MA'AM, etc. I was taught to apologize when necessary, and I'm sure most of you know where I'm going with this.

That's not true for today. People tend to make their own set of rules for other people to follow, changing them as they go.

Planning a wedding can, at the very least, be very frustrating, when you have your heart set on one thing only to find out you may have to settle for something else. It goes back to being a child. When you don't get what you want, you throw a hissy fit. It may get you want you want, then again, it may not.

People just need to remember, it's only a 1 or 2 day party, then it's forgotten about and life goes on. No need to get testy
when things don't go right. Just roll with the flow and everything will be fine in the end. You'll still be married even if you did get the wrong flavor of cake, or you got carnations instead of roses. YOU WILL STILL BE MARRIED TO THE ONE YOU LOVE!

Life moves forward, not backwards. Enjoy the time you have together, for life is short. It comes and goes, just like a wedding. Things go wrong in weddings, just as they do in life. You just work around it or through it and move on.

Enough said?

Answer 4

I have a theory that things like weddings (and funerals, for that matter) make people do all kinds of stupid things they normally wouldn't.

I don't believe that etiquette is the problem here. What is the problem is too many people being uptight about making everything "perfect". A good deal of people now don't even know everyday etiquette either, so that is magnified when a special occasion like a wedding comes around.

Answer 5

I know I am going to get dinged for saying this but I have to speak my mind...
When people talk about ettiquette and a "proper" way of doing things it makes me think of the 1950's when the men went off to work and the women stayed home to raise the kids. Things change over time and what used to be proper etiquitte back then is not the same now. Not that I am saying you shouldn't stick to certain social graces but come on! I got haggled earlier because I belived in doing the dollar dance. Whatever. It is a FUN, TRADITION and is a way that I can dance with some people I might not have a chance to dance with. I am still mailing my invites because I think it is nicer that way but do I care if they say eactly the right thing or that my thank you cards are "proper". No, I thanked them and that is all that matters!

Answer 6

Weddings sure do bring out some ugly qualities in people...girls who seem so nice become demanding little brats, all under the excuse of being the BRIDE...and parents can get pretty darned manipulative...this is not to mention the zillions of pieces of "advice" everyone feels so free to give you, and insist on your taking...

We've tried very hard to think of things that will make our wedding memorable and fun for us and our guests, yet with all the advice being hurled at me, I can honestly say I've never said 'no' more often in my life, and I've never had to explain my decisions to so many...we aren't having a very traditional wedding, and it has been a struggle getting all necessary parties on board...I wish people would just stop asking me about the wedding so I could stop having to say no to their alternate suggestions, and then having to deal with their displeasure that we don't want to take their unsolicited advice.

Answer 7

It's the courage of the Bride & Groom that define a hassle-free wedding. I was married 9/2006 and I advised my sister on what we wanted. I suggested that she stay within the confines of our budget, which was 1500.00 and I don't want to know any details, just make it happen. It went off without a hitch. By the way, no credit card debt leftover.

Answer 8

I absolutely agree!!! My fiance and I want a wedding without bridesmaids and groomsmen, but I am scared that people will be weird about it. I wish people would understand that the entire day is about the bride and the groom... NOT everyone else.

Besides... If every wedding fit the exact same mold, it'd be pretty boring!

Answer 9

No, I think people have the right to only want the best etiquette and most formal event. I do think some people on here are very clueless about social etiquette. A wedding is just one type of a social engagement. It seems some people on here don't understand standard social graces. One example is giving a gift at a bridal shower and another at a wedding. It's a simple concept and whether you agree with it or not; it's what you are suppose to do.

I'm pretty modern in my approach to life and etiquette does change from generation to generation; however, it seems that some people are so selfish, they don't understand the difference between typical and traditional social graces and what's convenient for them.

Answer 10

Not at all, because etiquette is just being polite, and having good common sense. I think brides go way overboard with their 'dream wedding' ideals, trying to make it 'perfect', - and that's just not the reality. No wedding is perfect, nor will the marriage be. A lot of the problems with wedding planning come from the bride being immature and selfish, a lot of the time...

Answer 11

It is totally outdated now, of course there are some wonderful old traditions, but I wish people would get off their high horses about wearing white, what food to serve, what flowers are "right" what sort of ring they should buy. There are so many things about weddings that are NOT legally required (such as number of bridesmaid, how old you have to be to be a flower girl) all those things are personal choices, there is such a thing as good order and good manners, but you don't have to be so uptight about what is "right" and what is "wrong" a lot of those things are up to each individual couple.