What should I do with my crush at work?

Question

Here is my dilemma. I have a crush and or an attraction for someone at work for several months. I don't know him very well.I speak to his co worker and he tells me that he's having problems with his wife. Yes, he's married with children.. Days go by and I don't see him only because I am trying to avoid him (he doesn't know that). I won't IM him at all for weeks. I was told by his co worker that he finds me attractive. I went on a business trip and found out he was going for the same reason. So we worked, had dinner with collegues, then we all went out to a bar. Big Mistake..... We were all drinking...to make the story short. We ended up sleeping together. Now, it's back to work as usual. Hi and bye when ever we see each other. When I do see him or IM him he is kind of shady. Say's hello and that's it. He must have his days. I. I don't know what to do..I've never had a crush on any man at work.

Here is the worse part. I am married myself..Also having problems. I know this does not make it better and what we did is not right but what happened...happened. It's done and over with. I just want to continue to be his friend. I think we are feeling odd around each other. I don't want to be with him or take him away from his wife. I received lots of great advice from you all. I greatly appreciate it. I will take all advice into consideration. :-)

Answer 1

Well, if it is just back to 'hello' and 'goodbye', I'd say he used you. Plus, he's married. I doubt he'd leave her for you--especially since you say he already has children.

Answer 2

I think you know that sleeping with him was a big mistake; not only because he is still married, but also because you did not have any kind of relationship or understanding. While you can not undo the mistake of yesterday,I implore you not to try to pursue an affair( yes, cause that is all it will be) with this man except a working relationship.Every move of his since your return seems to support what I'm saying to you.Don't Im him,text him or try to make contact unless it is work-related.The crush you have for him may make this decision a little hard for you; however, in the long run it is your best move. I don't think I need to enumerate all the reasons why( you strike me as a very intelligent woman who already knows them)this is your best option.I wish you all the best and please let me know how things turn out for you.

Answer 3

Workplace romance in this dynamic is very troublesome. I assume that you are more available than him (he's married, and you're not, right?). There are people at work that must also know he's married, so overt displays of affection toward you could present a problem for him. He may be interested in you as a sexual partner and perhaps even as a companion, but it may be difficult for him to express that to you in the work environment without people knowing his business- which could get back to his wife. Married guys who are looking to hook-up are always "having problems" with the wife (it's part of the con) that does not mean they're ready for their wives to know they're trying to get with other women. Because you are available for him, but he's not necessarily available to you, you are liable to have your feeling hurt.

I think it would be best for you to write him off and find a single guy that is attractive and available. Good luck

Answer 4

Yeah that's why you never do anthing with co-workers that you work with directly and see every day, your just going to have to talk to him and squash anything you had, cause honestly it doesnt work out, in that type of environment, it could effect your job duties or even being fired because alot of companies have rules and regulations on dating at work, or dating a client or patient, so I would steer clear of that, and find a non employee crush...

Answer 5

Until he is divorced, dont date him or sleep with him again! is wife could figure this out and both of u r in trouble.