Should I tell my parents that i am an Atheist?

Question

I'm 16 and Atheist, i've been atheist for about 4 years and its been driving me insane having to go to church with my parents, and act like im Christian. A couple of my friends know, but i havent told any friends that would tell my parents. I'm not sure if i should wait until i leave for college to tell them, because when they found out my brothers did drugs when they were in high school, they kicked them out of the house until they passed a drug test. I don't want to have them overreact and kick me out. I have been going crazy not telling them though, sometimes i can barely stand to look at them because they act like god controls every aspect of there life; it's just i dont want to be kicked out of my house.

the kicking my bros out thing was just to show they'll go that far. And i guess i elft out the fact that my dad was a pastor for 20+ years. Anyway, I'll probably wait to tell them cause even if they didnt kick me out, they would just bombard me with more christian things and make me go to youth group and such. thank you for the help

Answer 1

I was in a similar position before, though I did not truly fear that I would be kicked out. Your parents are very much in the wrong.

I still have to deal with their way of thinking. You know, the kind that is always better than yours and the kind that says yours is always wrong. It can be tough to live with, but I'm mostly a hermit anyway, so I deal with it.

As for you, you really have to decide if you can deal with this "craziness" of keeping a secret. Are the consequences of not telling them greater than the consequences of telling them? Do you know for SURE that you will be kicked out? None of us can really tell you what to do or help you...

The example you gave does not suggest to me that they would kick you out of the house, though. Just expect that, if you tell them, they will hound you even more about Christianity.

Answer 2

Your religious beliefs are none of their business, but you also shouldn't feel like you have to hide them. If your parents would kick you out of the house just for being an atheist, then they aren't very good parents, and maybe you'd be better off without them.

It will help if you have legitimate reasons for not being a Christian - for me, it was because I don't consider a God who drowns, sickens, and slaughters millions, arranges for his own kid's brutal execution, and commands his followers to kill other people, to be moral. But I knew the Bible well enough to know that all that stuff is in there.

In the meantime, you might have to go to church with them, but you DON'T have to pray or buy into any of the other silliness. Use the time to relax, meditate, think through homework assignments or something else that is useful to you. Church can also be a fun place to watch people - so many are obviously there because they think they HAVE to be, not because they WANT to be. Try it!

Answer 3

Seems to me that if they were "good" Christians then they wouldn't kick you out of the house for having different beliefs.

I'd tell them that you're just not comfortable with it anymore. It's not fair to you to have to go to church, and it's not fair to the church or your parents to just "go through the motions" without really believing in any of it. My only fear would be that they'd try to "intervene"....you know, make you go talk to the preacher (priest, minister, whatever, I'm not Christian...8^) ) or take "special classes" or something like that, which would probably just make things worse.

It's your call, though. You know your parents better than I do. I just keep thinking that you're probably a good person, and if you're honest and up-front about your feelings then they'll deal with it. If it's really eating you up inside, you're just going to have to do it.

Maybe you can camp out at the church if you get kicked out of the house. 8^D

Answer 4

yeah wait till ur older

but say u converted to another religion- would they have kicked you out??

like maybe atheism is seen as just you saying "i dont want to go to church" - how do you show that its because you really dont believe, or that you believe in something that they dont?

i was talking with an agnostic turned athiest turned muslim yesterday- his parents were pretty much behind what he did as an independant guy- your brothers were doing drugs and you know how drugs kills people and puts others in jail and is a root of petty crimes like theft, maybe they were just being hard on their son- i doubt they'd be hard on you because of athiesm although many christians go off at their children for converting to other faiths so i'd say wait and be patient- and find something useful to do whilst u wait

im not a christian, but im suggesting that even if you dont believe in what christians do, try to find what's good and comforting about their religion so you'll benefit anyway

Answer 5

Tough choice - and it's yours. I didn't have to face that, I guess, as my dad turned out to be a closet atheist and my mom was church of England - not too fervid and not really assertive. I refused to go to church when I was 11 - Mom fussed, but Dad didn't make a big deal about it, and she reluctantly accepted it.

You have to decide whether or not your current beliefs are worth taking a stand on (there is a price for everything), or you want to stick it out a couple more years.

The main point I would make is that withholding your true beliefs from them to spare them is altruistic and honest. Withholding for gain, to avoid personal tangible loss or to be "comfortable" and avoid the truth, are all cop-outs.

It IS a tough choice, and no one can really tell you what to do - you have to do that yourself.

Answer 6

I'd remain silent until you can afford to support yourself. I became an atheist at 11, and told my father when I was 13 or 14. I was disowned. Life became so unbearable that I ran away. In the past 30 years I can count on one hand the number of times we've seen each other, and our conversations consist of, "How's it going?" "Fine. Yourself?"

There's no relationship whatsoever, and this extends to my children. They don't recall ever having met their grandfather. You'll be on your own in a few years, just grin and bear it until then. Whatever you do, don't tell them. It's not worth it.

Answer 7

I'd tell them. Being an atheist is not the same as being a drug user - there are huge, relevant dissimilarities between the two. You've got a ways to go until college, I wouldn't live a lie between now and then.

Answer 8

If your priority is not getting kicked out of the house and you think that is what they will do - then you probably should wait. If your priority is to stop living a lie then it would behoove you to tell them. The truth sets one free and that quote didn't originate with me. You will be the one who decides what is more important to you.

Answer 9

ummm... i've been in that position. you don't want any part of that conversation until you are on neutral ground and out of the house. i ''came out'' to my dad when i was 22. he took me to the farm and we walked around for 4 hrs. and i had to listen to all the reasons why i should be a christian. that was the last time i brought it up. my mom suspects, but doesn't know. your best be would be to let them know in not so many words, meaning you can drop them hints, but don't come out and tell them, unless you want to deal with a lifetime of senseless nagging. suck it up, they only want the best, and i guess you can't really blame them because they love you. but it is rather annoying, to say the least.

Answer 10

Yes! Tell them! And I hope they kick you out of the house. I know Satan and his friends are not welcome in my abode, and you can't say that you don't know any better, because you stated yourself that they are Christians and brought you up as a Christian, therefore you have no excuse. You know the truth, you are choosing to be idiotic. Oh well, so be it. I hope God has mercy on you. I really do. And Eric, Go get your bottle and take a nap.