While in grief, when someone offers 'anything' - what can someone reasonably request ?

Question

We recently lost someone dear and close to us. It's the beginning of the grieving process, and if you want to express condolences - thank you. Certainly, we are going to miss a beloved friend who unexpectedly, tragically died in a fatal road accident. We are praying all the time for the family and do whatever I can to help them. So when I've shared with anyone the sad news, their response to me is always "Let me know if you need anything" or "If theres anything I can do". Clearly, this is a standard phrase in our culture, to express support for somebody whos experienced a loss. Then, I had a crazy thought: "what can a person reasonably request?" I thought it could be a little fun and give a moment of levity to brainstorm that with Yahoo Answers world. (example, a request for chicken soup might be granted, not for the brand new iPhone.)

Answer 1

Watching the kids
Cooking meals
Running errands
Doing yard work
Cleaning house
Listening and just being with them
Loaning or gifting money if they need it
Providing names and numbers of my pastors
I would be willing to buy some little gift for the children if asked
Help dispose of unwanted items
Help sort through paperwork


Mostly I'm willing to give of my time and talents. If someone needs something, like rent or car repairs, I can do that. A new iPhone, not so much, but maybe a basic model cell phone if they feel they need one and can't afford it.

Interesting question. I think most people want to help, but don't know what to do. They don't want to offend. The best thing for me was instead of saying, "Let me know if you need anything," the just call and come over with a meal or a group of ladies show up and clean your house.

And I do offer my condolences to you and the family. Let me know if there's anything I can do...

Answer 2

Perhaps a few hours of child sitting so that the adults can leave the house to do something other than grieve - dinner, a movie, anything.

Perhaps a home-cooked meal. People who are grieving or depressed sometimes do not feel like cooking for themselves.

Really, it's up to the people making and accepting the request. Nothing is unreasonable that comes from the heart. However, people should be up-front about what they are not comfortable in providing. [Example - "Would you go with me pick out a casket?" Some would decline.]

Answer 3

What can you do within reason?

1. Bring over food- and then be sure to collect the dishes.
2. Offer with housework or other chores so that the grieving party may be able to handle some personal matters away from the home.
3. Offer to do yard work or other chores
4. Help (if asked) to go through papers. It's overwhelming and confusing.
5. Visit now and then. Take over cookies and treats.
6. Offer to take any or all to the movies or just plain out to eat.

Answer 4

A person will say "Let me know if you need anything or if there is something that you need" because they really don't know what else to say. When a person experience a death of any situation they need a lot of things and we all know what they are without asking. Matter-a-fact we should bring some of them when we come and them we want be making empty statements. If you don't know they need to know that you share in their loss, they need food, soft drinks, paper plates, cups, napkins, etc., money, phone calls, cards, flowers, plus they need to be alone only to name a few of the things we can give a person during their grief.

Answer 5

You are correct that the statement tends to be a blanket response. Many times when people know you, they also know what you are capable of doing. I have offered my services to people to provide music for the service, or sing a song. I have also offered to help address evelopes for the "thank you' notes. Most people don't take you up on the offer, but the person extending the services should be specific to the family or family members.

Answer 6

Offering a service or talent you have. I have made funeral annoucements to give out at a wake because i scrapbook and make cards and stuff. I also am a fairly talented singer so when my friends father died, I sang at the funeral. Offering to babysit younger children while adults make arragments or attend the wake to funeral is also great. Also, you could offer to take them to dinner or buy them a gift card to a favorite bar and grill-nothing to romantic, but fun! Any little thing is nice.

Answer 7

I think I'd stick with reasonable stuff in the real world. In the World of Yahoo, maybe I should ask for a lifetime supply of Godiva chocolates, or something like that? ;-)

Just for the record - when I offer to help if they need "anything," that's exactly what I mean. As long as it's in my power to do, and they tell me they NEED it, then they will have it.

Answer 8

I think whatever would make you feel better. Or whatever you your friend that past away would like you to be doing at the moment.