What do I say to my 4 year old son?

Question

My son just started pre-k about a month ago after never having gone to school before so he is lacking on social skills with kids his own age. Today when I picked him up from school and his teacher told me that he pulled down his pants and was playing with himself in front of the other boys in the class. She stopped it as soon as she realized what was going on. She told him not to do that. I had a talk with him about it when he got home but he seemed to just shrug it off. What do I say to him to ensure he understands this behavior in not acceptable so he does not do it again.
I do not want to spank him or seriously punish him because I do not want him to be afraid of his body but I want him to understand public places are not appropriate for that type of behavior.
Please, only serious suggestions...
Thanks!

Answer 1

DO NOT PUNISH HIM!! I have been workning preschoolers for 9 years and I can assure you that this is age appropriate behavior. First off, the fact that this teacher said he was "playing with himself" is wrong! He was jhust showing off a "super cool thing" that he doesn't understand that others have and should be private. Talking to him about how this a "private place" and that you don't show it to others is a great place to start. I feel that his teacher is uneducated and made you worry for no reason. I have busted kids (boys and girls) "comparing" parts and i just explain that these are private parts that only mommy, daddy and the doctor should see. This is a simple answer that kids understand. If you need anything else, please ask.

Answer 2

My daughter used to show off her pants on the way home from school which was also embarrassing. I told that they were her pants and her bits and they were only meant for her unless she was in difficultly then only mommy and/or a doctor could see. I also told her that no one else wanted to see her pants because they had their own.

Don't punish him try explain that it's best if his bits are tucked a way unless he is at home. It's probably a good thing he shrugged it off or he could feel ashamed. I know it's really embarrassing but all children do it, I was at the pet shop at the weekend when a little boy started undressing himself his mum just told him he would get cold (while she was turning bright red). You're not alone and he will grow out of it.

Ignore that comment above, really all children do it especially boys, they don't learn it from anyone it just happens.

Answer 3

The simplest way is to talk to him about "private parts" Anything that is covered by a swimsuit is "private" - that means that no one sees, touches or asks you to touch or show unless it is the Dr or your parent for health purposes. Some children touch themselves for security much like some may suck their thumb or twirl their hair it is more shocking but the same basic problem. Let him know that it is his body and he needs to keep it private and if he is unsure at school he can ask his teacher what to do and maybe she can buddy him up with a classmate so he learns the rules and expectations. Good Luck!

Answer 4

i ran a daycare for many many years and have had boys do this when they were interested in their private parts...i calmly told them that only mommy, daddy, and the doctors need to see that and himself when he goes to the bathroom...i told the parents what had happened and explained to them what i had said..and they told them the same thing when they got home...i never had a problem with it again...i also called the bathroom "privacy time"...he is just curious and maybe you wanna pick up some books to read at his level to fully explain it to him....he probably shrugged it off because he was embarassed in school...

Answer 5

I don't know exactly what you told him, but as long as you covered the basics and explained that what is in his underpants is private and should not be shown to the world, that should take care of it. Make sure he knows that what he did is not bad, but it is something that should be done in the privacy of his bedroom or the bathroom. Hopefully it will not happen again in the classroom, but if it does deal with it then. You can't dwell on it! Good luck.

Answer 6

You could try telling him that he can explore himself in the bathroom or bedroom. That is ok to be curious about himself and that others need not know what his private areas look like. I have found that if you start telling him these things early on you have a better chance of him being more modest.

Answer 7

It is normal for children to touch themselves, but it is important for you to explain to him to not do it in public. If you see him doing it in public use a firm voice and tell him that it is not polite or acceptable to do that at that time. Since he is four, it was probably hard for him to talk about it after some time had passed. It will have more meaning to discuss it right after it happens.

Answer 8

At 4 he is capable of understanding. Tell him that we do not take off our clothes in public. Tell him if he does this he will not get to(example) watch tv for 1/2 hour when he gets home. Be able to follow through with what ever you take away. He will most likely not do it again if he knows the teacher tell you and you follow through.

Answer 9

He may be kind of young to go to preschool. Kindergarten is when I started my son in school.
As for him touching himself, this is normal. He knows it feels good. He needs to be properly, kindly taught that he can do that in his bedroom when he is alone, like at bedtime. He may have felt highly stressed in school, and did that to calm himself.
Take care.

Answer 10

I honestly think there is more to it. Were did he he see or learn that from? Kids don't just do those type of things out of the blue........