Is it okay to hug sons? Does it emasculate them?

Question

I am not sure if I should continue hugging my sons, as they are getting older. I wish there was a manual on how to raise boys because it is a challenge to make sure they are well adjusted!! Any experienced imput would be helpful.

Answer 1

They need love and hugging them is one way of showing it. I would certainly rather have a sensitive boy than one who is fighting and bratty. The best way to have the most well adjusted kid is by loving them and showing them love.

Answer 2

They need hugs. Not a kiss on the cheek once they hit that preteen time, and maybe not hugs till they are 18 or older once they hit the preteens, but touch (appropriate kind) is needed. Arm wrestle with them once in awhile. A hand on the shoulder occasionally is okay too. There is a book out I am reading by Gary Chapman "Five Love Languages of Teenagers". One out for kids as well. Adults too. It's a pretty good book. Sure helps me to understand my son who is preteen.
Well adjusted? They will be fine. I ask my son if he wants hugs or not-if he tells me no-I tell him I can respect that-and do.
Boys like to do physical stuff when talking with parents it's really good to do something like shoot hoops, or play golf, or something fun like that, to get them to feel safe to open up and talk with the parents.
Hugs and kisses, until they are preteen and ask you to stop it, will not emasculate the boys. Honest. Famous comedian Jerry Lewis, he said years ago on a talk show, he always hugs his sons. Not constant, but enough. And for mom to hug, is okay too-as mentioned, preteens seems to put the "hold" on that.
You are doing fine. Just let them know you are proud of them, they are doing a good job, you believe in them, things like that help too.
Hope this helps you. Take care.

Answer 3

All kids are different, I was a single mom till about a year ago, my son will be 5 this July. I barely put him down as an infant. I hug him all the time he tells me he loves me all the time. He also rides dirt bikes, plays with bugs and catches frogs. He is the best of both worlds sensitive and all boy! Besides go wth your heart your his parent only you know whats best for him, I used to wonder the same thing. Trust your intuition it worked for me! I think the kids that dont get any affection are the ones that suffer.

Answer 4

I think that NOT hugging your sons will emasculate them more than hugging them. By suggesting through your actions that hugging is not masculine, you place a great limitation on the extent to which they can express themselves as men. That makes them weak, and being weak, we know, is not masculine. They might not see it right now, but what young man really knows what being a man is all about? In the long run they will be BETTER men, men capable of expressing themselves in their relationships and friendships. Non-hugging men make bad fathers. Bad fathers are not men.

Answer 5

As a 15 yr old guy, I'd love for my own mother to hug me once in a while. I honestly can't remember the last time she did. Even when I try to hug her, she always seems uneasy & such. But she seems to have no problem hugging my two younger siblings. Maybe she thinks i'm too old? Perhaps. Just make sure you let your children know you love them.

Answer 6

If you want them to grow up to be loving, demonstrative, caring husbands and fathers, hug away! When my middle one was about 12, he was a little embarassed to hug me in public. I said to him, "You're embarassed to have a mother?" He said that no, he wasn't embarassed to have a mother. I then asked if he was embarassed for people to know he loved his mother. He said that no, he wasn't. I then asked what the problem was. He didn't say anything but the next time I was at his school he hugged me when I walked in. A couple guys ribbed him a little and he just said, "What? You don't love YOUR mother? A REAL man takes care of his mom. And for anyone who needs to know, I LOVE my mom." Ok, I teared up a bit but turned so as not to ruin the moment. He is now such a loving young man. His girlfriend appreciates that he is not ashamed to hug or say caring things.

Answer 7

Boys are naturally (in my experience) more "cuddly" than girls, and all children need to be loved and hugged as much as possible. It will actually help to make a better man out of him- one that can love others (a future wife, kids).
Also, it will help him to feel more secure, which in turn will help him to become more independent on his own.
Usually around the ages of 4-7 yrs old, though, boys may go through a phase of not wanting to kiss or hug on you as much, ans as heartbreaking as that is, it is because they are testing out their independence and wanting to be a big boy!

Answer 8

My son is 15 & he loves hugs.
It is a healthy relationship that can show love & not feel "weird" about it.
Most moms want this... how old are your sons, btw?
It is a myth that you will "sissyfy" your son by showing him affection. Do it so he will have a healthy, proper view of women. Withhold affection & he will act accordingly when a grown man, towards women.
The links below talk about raising boys w/o fathers in their lives & raising boys, against the barage of myths you will encounter from others.

Answer 9

Oh, they'll let you know. When they get to their teenage years, if they think is too much and they think is not very masculine, just reduce the quantity or share your love in different ways. You have nothing to worry about in terms of emasculating, there will be enough pressure during Middle School and High School to act manly.

Answer 10

When boys get about 11-15, no they may not want your butterfly kisses anymore, but unless you want little Marlyn Mansons, I would hug and kiss them like no tomorrow, I would teach them how to treat a woman, just like you would have wanted a man to treat you, perhaps their dad, then I would find them a male mentor who you trust, but not to much trust where you don't check behind him to make sure he is doing 100% right by your boys. It's hard raising kids, Im glad to see you asking questions continue to ask, but remember only you have to raise those gentlemen.

Answer 11

I hugged my sons until they started pushing me away. Then I would chase them around and try to hug them. I made a joke out of it and told them that I was a "hugging monster" and I wasn't going to stop until I got my hug. My sons are now in their 30's and 40's and they love being hugged. I have never heard a criminal defense attorney try to defend someone by claiming that "his mom hugged him too much when he was a child, so please excuse his criminal behavior today." Hugging is a good thing. Don't worry.