Kid hitting everyone in class in day care. My options?

Question

My kid just turned 3 and goes to Day Care (preschool) near our house. Yesterday while dropping her, I saw a hyperactive kid running around the class. I saw him hit my kid and another one while running. Both started crying and 3 other kids yelled out at the same time "he always hits us".

I told the teacher and the Dir. of the place. The Dir. started to say, he usually calms down after a talk, he has his good and bad days, etc. That evening that kid struck mine with an object on her lips causing a bad bruise.

I called the Dir. and told her that her institution is not capable of handling such kids, the other kids in preschool do not have fast reflexes to handle things on their own and lastly if this kid is coming in only for 2 days a week, there is no way the day care can possibly influence his behavior when the other 5 days he is being reinforced by the other environment he's in.

What are my options, given this is a private Day Care? I'd rather err. On the side of caution.

I talked to the Dir. this afternoon and told her that this Day Care, this classroom and this staff are not capable of handling such a child. We have been with this Day Care for more than 2 years now and have seen a range of situations, none so bad and concerning.

I told the Dir. that if there are legalities involved forcing inaction on her side, I could help by getting written petitions from other parents and do whatever it takes to work the system.

An overactive kid, running around hurting smaller kids with objects in a tiny classroom with all sorts of furniture and objects is bad enough. Having to watch while an ill equipped/prepared staff contains such behavior in the 2 days that this kid comes to school is giving me the creeps. The Dir. offered that she will have the teacher focus on this kid those 2 days and my reply was that, that’s not fair to the other kids.

I think, every institution should know its capabilities and accept students within the bounds of it.

Thanks for the huge response. Please note these are 3 year olds and I wouldn't blame the kid itself or the parents. In all probability its a passing phase. This is no ones fault. All that I am saying is, that this teacher in this classroom and this management at this Day Care cannot control this kid. Just a little while ago a 3rd parent confrmed that their kid too was being hit by this kid. So thats a total of 6 kids (of 9 or 11) who have confirmed that they get attacked.

At three, kids don't have the reflexes to either get out of the way or protect themselves when someone much bigger than them hits them with objects while passing (running swiftly).

A year or two later when these kids' reflexes are better, I will not be so worried. There will be more bullies doing worse things, but one has to grow through these and face the world.

Now is not the time! What if the next time its my kid's eye instead of the lip?

Answer 1

I know how you feel. Our 2 year old was being bitten reguarly by just one boy in he nursery. We complained and complained and finally the nursery received extra funding so that the boy could have supervision from an extra member of staff.

However, although it is not pc these days, we also taught our son to stand up for himself. We have told him that if this boy bites him again, he is to hit him and shout "GO AWAY". Yes, I know this won't be a popular thing to have done, and our son might get into trouble but for all the policies and "nice" handling of things these days, the bottom line is that nobody will now mess with my son and he has not been bitten since.

Answer 2

There was only one reply here that I agree with- being a parent of 3 and having a Master's Degree in Child Development-yes the director should be a little more on the ball in terms of knowing what to do in these situations as they happen ALL the time in daycare/preschool- but our children are in this role constantly or perhaps another of your children will be the hitter or biter (and often very temporarily while they go through a phase of frustration when they're not as verbal as they want to be). Teach YOUR CHILD to say "No! I don't like that", and walk away. The answer is not to kick the hitting kid out of daycare. THat would be the LAST straw after you've exhausted all possibilities. I've never understood why parents are so quick to judge and reprimand others INNOCENT kids- your responsibility is to your own child. Your perfect child will encounter many things in life even worse than this, bullies, mean people, abusive people... why not teach your child at 3 (Not too early!) to stand up for his/herself. My 1st child would get hit alot and cry- I taught him to stand up for himself. My 2nd child went through a hitting/biting phase- I had to teach him not to do that and to always say sorry. Lay off the other innocent child. Of course in cases of real injury or a serious problem which you did not describe, intervention is absolutely necessary. If all else fails, pull your daughter out and bring her to an all girl's school throughout her entire education so she is never exposed to what is actually very normal behavior for boys (especially 3 yo for god sakes). Whoever said contact the authorities/police- you are all very righteous!!!!!!!! You could look the "hitting" "boy" in the eyes and say sweetly and kindly, "Honey, please don't hit my girl. It hurts her. Can you say your sorry?" Or, "Are you okay honey?" For all you know that kid might just melt and look at you with tears and you might really help this child- showing respect vs. negative judgement.

Answer 3

Good news: there are other centers. and the one you are in may have teachers trained, but some kids are just out-of-control in group settings.
Bad news: Parents of bad kids can sue if a center tries to boot them out. Unless........ there is a specific written policy addressing behavior that cannot be controlled, or behavior that repeats itself over the course of the day (such as intentional hitting).

Answer 4

You can try to force the daycare's hand if you get some of parent together and tell them to get rid of the child or you and the other will pull thier child out of daycare and go somewhere else.

Money talks so if you get enough parents you will force thier hand and you should win as losing 1 child vs 5+ is a better deal.

My only advice as talk is cheap and money talks to them better.

Good Luck

Answer 5

If you really want to do something about it, try videotaping the little kid with the issues of hitting. Tell the day care administrator that you will report this to the local police and social workers. Maybe the administrator will reconsider getting rid of this problem kid, or lose their license to maintain the daycare open. Also, call your local social worker and the department who issues the license for the day care and get them involved. Your child has every right to be in a positive learning environment where he/she will be able to a positive learning experience.

Answer 6

What an insensitive answer Caleb, I wish I could thumbs down you.
ANYWAY, You can affect behavior change in just the 2 day environment, it's called stimulus control. When he comes into the day care he'll know, if a good behavior plan using behavioral analysis is put into place, that he can act a certain way here, though not in other places. It's why we shop for groceries when we go into a grocery store instead of opening up all the bottles and drinking them like we would at a bar. It's why we "hold it in" until we're in the right place. It's why we dont' talk during a speech and all. He doesn't understand that he's supposed to act a certain way at school, and if you're saying "BS" then you have to take it that way because there's nothing else you can do about it but make sure there's a behavior plan in place for him; the director can give you excuses, it's what she's paid to do, but you have to get her past them and into action mode because she feels stuck probably with the kid. Tell her to consult with a behavior specialist or you can yourself and then give the plan to the teachers. They have to be consistent, etc... all the behavioral mumbo jumbo. Most importantly, though, they have to give him multiple opportunities to gain positive reinforcement (Whatever's reinforcing to him, probably attention if he gets excited about the reaction your kids give him to hitting) for good behavior or he won't learn what he CAN do in preschool.
WITH YOUR KID-
Tell her to not say a word if he hits, and to run to a teacher and either sit down next to her or tell her, whichever you think is right... behaviorally, he'd get less reaction from hitting her if she just went near the teacher and didn't tell her, but that's not protecting your kid. Practice with your kid this at home; playing like you're the bahavioral kid and she's herself, then switch it around. Teach her how not to react to bullies and she'll feel better. Bullies want attention in general, and your kid needs to know she can go to a teacher to protect herself. a sympathetic teacher, too, b/c we all know those tchrs who tell you to take care of it yourself...

Answer 7

What state do you live in? I provided a link (but its for Texas) for you at the bottom where you can find out more information about child care licensing. If you do not live in Texas, I'm sure they can redirect you to the child care licensing in your state and to find out if there were similar complaints.

Can you imagine the incidents that have occurred that you don't know about. A lot goes on in those daycares that they keep quiet about ....(hush, hush)

You can do some research to see if there were any previous complaints similar to what you are facing.

You may end up finding another daycare. Before you do, check that daycare out.

Answer 8

Honestly you should't have to put up with this, if worst comes to worst you could always leave and go somewhere else. A day care with this kind of director doesn't sound that great but if you want to stay than bring it up with the director again and say how mad you are. Threaten to get a higher up involved and the director will comply, trust me ; )

Answer 9

A hyperactive kid doesn't choose to be bad. He cannot control his actions. You are acting as if the director is purposefully ignoring your pleas. Imagine the mother of this child. She probably has her child there to try to help teach him the rules of society, to prepare him for school, and to give him an outlet as well which is why he's there only 2 days a week. My son has been in daycare with all sorts of children with all sorts of limitations and physical challenges and he's learned to roll with the punches...literally. Kids are kids and they are going to rough house and get hurt sometimes. If you want your child to learn independence and to grow as a human they need to be in the real world where bad things sometimes happen. They need to learn how to deal with those situations and react accordingly. I understand a bruised lip caused your child pain, but imagine the pain of the hyperactive child to be ostracized by everyone (even adults) simply because of an illness he cannot control. You are acting as if an adult clobbered your child on purpose. Humans are more resilient than you might realize. Well anyway, I hope you're teaching your child to stay away from kids in wheelchairs too in case one of them accidentally rolls over their foot.

Be happy that your child is healthy and well because if an accident happens that changes that, you could wind up eating your very words.

Answer 10

I agree with angel of light. No child should be "Kicked " out of preschool It sounds like your school doesn't know how to handle the problem. He should be "shadowed " by another teacher. When he is about to hit another child, the teacher can stop him and talk about what and why he is doing this-as it happens. This teaches him impulse control. If they can't afford to have a teacher Shadow the child, the parent should be asked to come in and do it.