Is there such a thing as a selfish partner? Or Who would you consider selfish?

Question

I am currently (3 plus yrs) dating a guy....
I have considered getting married to him, one of his many desires...

Though once I start to consider he acts very selfish...

I have 4 teenagers who need my full support, my partner feels that they get to much support....

Sometimes he gets upset with our limited sex, he blames them...

He gets upset when I spend time with my own parents, he dislikes them...

He only wants my time for him and his family....

I love my kids, parents and him....

I dedicate days to him, but when I do, he becomes very obsessive... He feels that me and him need to move away from everything.... He is very insecure and feels a threat by society..... Argues over EVERYTHING and a majority of the time wrong.... I am not Emphasising.

Who is wrong and why?

I am dependent, educated and maintain my family alone...

Should I call it a quites, even though I love him.........

----- I would like to say thank you all of you for your support! ----

Sometimes we as humans know the answers to our problems, though sometimes we a humans seek directions on how to get there......

THANK YOU!

Answer 1

You should end the relationship with him immediately!

He oviously does not care about you or your family. You need to have positive people in your life not someone who wants to be obessive and possessive all the time. You need to explain to him inorder for a relationship to work there has to be compromising, that's way its called a relationship and not a one man show.

What did u see in him? he sounds like a real jerk. Kick his selfish *** to the kirb!!!!! this way he can truly feel what it's like to be alone mabe then he will learn to appreciate u more!

Answer 2

Yes... of course there is a such thing as a selfish partner. Half of the world gets divorced because the partner stops thinking of the other and somewhere along the way, loses respect.

In your situation however, I dont think that this is something that you can fix. I know your situation very well... and for someone to obsess so much and to panic so much, and to create competition in your own family.. this is something about THEM.

I have seen it before... when those who are used to controlling everything suddenly lose control. Certain people are completely selfish and they NEED the love and attention ONLY on them. I have seen people feel so insecure and doubt that someone could love THEM so unconditionally that they constantly seek ways for it to be proven to them, without success..

Sometimes others actually marry them and never know they are like this until its too late.

For you, I suggest counseling... even if you arent married. If you want to give the relationship a true shot, you have to understand that if he acts this way NOW, this is a sneak preview to how married life will be.

You need to figure out if this is the life you want...

I personally think you deserve better. You should never be treated this way.

Never.

Answer 3

are you really willing to deal with all that the rest of your life??? I mean if this is now, then later it may get worse because he will be able to use the fact that his your husband and you should dedicate more time to him then everyone else (which is very selfish and unfair)
I had a selfish boyfriend myself and he became so obsessed about me spending all my free time with him it was ridiculous. It didn't work between us because he always wanted us to be together and he cut me away from my friends and family and never will I let that happen again. In other words he needs to relax if he can't it's going to be very difficult to have to chose between him and your family. You should just look at the whole picture and make a decision by considering the goods and the bads..good luck.

Answer 4

I believe you should have a long discussion with this person. You are right, he is very selfish and sounds like he hasn't grown up yet.

If he loves you, he should love your children and family and be able to accept that they were there before he was and everybody needs attention, not just him.

Let him know how you feel, if he doesn't change, maybe you should stop the relationship. He is making it hard on your children and your parents. He is not the whole world, he is only a part of it.

Answer 5

I will say, at least, you and your boyfriend does not have a very understanding relationship. Who's at fault? It's hard to say because he is not here to show his side of the story.

But, I can say as much that your children can NEVER get TOO MUCH attention. They deserve all the attention you can give them, and perhaps more. If he is your true "partner," he will have to consider his role as your partner, not your sex-partner. Of course having kids interfere with your dating life. Kids are part of the package when you decide to date someone with kids. I am not sure if he understands any of this. You cannot move away from all. You have your own responsibilities and it will continue for years. (by the way, good for you for knowing what your primary responsibilities are...)

From here, it's your call what you want to do.

Answer 6

this guy sounds very selfish--if he gets angry when you spend time with your parents that's a red flag. They are your parents he needs to accept them if you plan on getting married. Thinking your kids are getting to much support-that's a red flag. He needs to realize that they are kids and need your support to live and become responsible caring adults. If he only wants time for him and his family that is another red flag and that makes him seem like he wants to control you. No one can tell you what to do, but take a look at what words you used to describe him it may be a time to make a change. If you haven't already talk to him--if that doesn't help try to go to couple's counseling. if he is unwilling maybe take time and be with your family alone and find a man who is accepting of you and your family.

Answer 7

This is a crazy situation. No one is in the wrong its just the personality of the people involved, so therefore he is possessive, and you are right about putting your family first and especially your children. He wants to get married, i feel that he wants this so he can be more demanding and possessive of your time. If I were you, I would let him go for awhile tell him that you need time to yourself and that you are not sure if you will pick up later. He is possessive and it could get worse later and not change.

Answer 8

Call it quits. Find someone who understand the importance of parenting your kids. Someone who realizes that the kids come before anyone else. I take it he doesn't have kids and that's why he acts like he does. It doesn't sound like he is bringing much to the relationship in the first place. You can do better. Let him find a woman with no kids or responsibilities who can spend 24/7 pleasing him.

Answer 9

it's one thing to love someone and say you love someone. its easy to have it as an emotion. as a feeling about a person as a whole. its alot more complicated to show love in actions. if he loves you only emotionally, then you are asking for trouble marrying him. to commit your life to someone, there should be no doubt in your mind that he trust you, would go out of his way to help you, understands your needs and can deal with anything that seems to be "between" the two of you. when reading about this guy, it kinda scared me for you. because those guys are sometimes either dangerous, or just outright miserable to live with. continue your relationship if you feel it would be a great loss to live without him right now. i absolutely WOULD NOT marry him. and you should consider trying to leave. you can not change him. so dont try to. love him for the way he is (however considering that you asked, and they way you described, i dont think you do), and have him love you for the way you are, or move on. i dated my husband 5 years before we got married, and we've been married 3 now. it is not completely peachy, but we are not wanting each other to be any different. well, i mean i wish he'd sleep less, and i'm sure he wishes i'd nag less, but its not anything serious and we dont expect the other person to change one bit.

Answer 10

Your children need your full attention, especially during such a complex time as their teenage years. Forget about some guy... I mean, keep him around if you like him, but assert your need to care for your children.

If he's willing to spend the rest of his life with you, certainly he can wait until your kids are out of the house to marry you, so you can fully care for your children.