Hi, I'm a 27 year old single woman, no kids.
Every summer, my Dad & Stepmom & two 17 year old twin brothers invite me to visit them for a few weeks. (I'm a school secretary with summers off). We get along GREAT.
The only problem is--they're all a bunch of SLOBS; and when I visit them, I become a "Live in Maid". They expect me to do everyone's laundry daily (washing & folding)-- and get offended if I dont want to. I also find myself washing a sink full of dishes twice a day, cleaning bathrooms, and vacuuming daily. Last summer, I got so tired of cleaning & cleaning that I went home early.
They've begged me to visit them--and I'll be going there in 2 weeks & staying 4 weeks. I dread the amount of housework I'll have to do!!
I dont mind cleaning up from time to time--but I feel like I'm cleaning up for an entire army unit.
HOW DO I EXPLAIN THAT I'M TIRED OF CLEANING UP AFTER THEM? AM I BEING UNREASONABLE?
I live my myself so I'm not used to cleaning for SO MANY people
2007-06-26 08:09:58 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
You don't have to explain a thing to them, you just DON'T DO IT. Clean up after yourself, and nothing else.
2007-06-26 08:13:34 · answer #1 · answered by Me 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
You need other reasons for the visit. What else is there to do there? If they are slobs, then only stay as long as one suitcase will allow and then go home. Visit other places (if you're there the whole time, there's all that pressure to 'clean up')
You're not being unreasonable. Maybe if you just tell them that you're here to share time with them and not spend time cleaning up. If they get offended, you'll just have to say that you don't want to spend your time cleaning. It IS unfair. Call them ahead of time and see what 'activities' you can plan OUTSIDE of the home.
In seeing what you're doing, that is WAY over the top. Do they help at all? Or are they 'relaxing' while you're 'doing'?
Maybe this is the year where you visit somewhere else instead. No need to punish yourself just because you love your family.
good luck
2007-06-26 08:17:26 · answer #2 · answered by words_smith_4u 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Knowing in advance what its going to be like, why in the name of heaven would you stay for 4 weeks? Sounds like a week would be ample.
Are they actually asking you to do the housework? Or are you taking it on yourself because no one else will do it? Daughter or not, they have no right to ask when there are two, healthy 17 year olds in the household. I'd simply tell them "no". If you're doing it on your own, then that's on you, not them. Tolerate the mess, do the housework without complaint, or just don't go. Your choice.
Staying in a hotel sounds like an excellent idea.
2007-06-26 18:31:28 · answer #3 · answered by Tom K 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have 2 ideas:
1. Let them know before you show up that you are more than happy to "help" them clean, but you won't be doing it by yourself. If they'd like to dry the dishes as you wash, or fold the clothes after you get them washed, they have a deal - but if they are going to sit around and watch you, no deal!
2. (And this one is just to teach them a lesson) Call them a few days before coming and let them know that you broke your arm, or leg or anything else you like to pretend is broken. Get a sling, or other cast type thing.That way when you show up, you will be in pain and aren't able to even pick up the laundry basket - let alone do all their chores.... then relax and enjoy your vacation on the couch with your arm or leg propped up! LOL :-)
Maybe if they get used to you not doing the chores, they won't keep expecting you to do it so much.....?
2007-06-26 08:22:11 · answer #4 · answered by znickelno21 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Gee, what fun. Of COURSE they're begging you to stay with them - they get free maid service. What's the downside for them?
No one can take advantage of you without your permission. It's up to you to establish boundaries and make them stick. Tell them exactly what you will and won't do. Then stick to your guns. LET them be hurt or offended. Don't allow them to emotionally manipulate you.
I'd consider going for a much shorter visit - maybe one week, MAX. Stay at a motel. And make some other plans for the rest of your vacation.
2007-06-26 08:19:56 · answer #5 · answered by TLH 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Explain to them that you are not a maid. This is your vacation and you will not spend it working. You can get a hotel room instead if they won't let you stay with them and not clean.
I find it very rude that they take advantage of you. Personally i would tell them HELL NO.
You just have to demand what you want. Nobody can force to you do a dang thing. So if you do it... shame on you. Don't be their slave.
2007-06-26 08:17:17 · answer #6 · answered by hypnosisbyjill 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OK, you are an adult right?
STOP DOING THEIR WORK
LEAVE the place a mess!
DO NOT clean up after them!
Tell them that you will not visit if they intend for you to be their maid.
Stay in a hotel and only meet up with them when they will not be at the house.
2007-06-26 11:37:44 · answer #7 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Staying in a hotel is the best solution. Your stepmom should be doing the cleaning around there, not you. They are her kids.
2007-06-26 09:38:13 · answer #8 · answered by Angela F 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
they're probably inviting you over to bathe their living house back. this is your holiday and you're able to be enjoying your self and relaxing. i will see helping out around the living house while you're staying there, yet to do each and every thing is in simple terms no longer the way it is going to be. My advice to you is the two tell them precisely the way you sense whenever you come to bypass to and you is in simple terms no longer doing any of the cleansing until eventually you notice them chipping in. in case you do no longer want to confront them, then i could scale decrease back the bypass to short or stay in a inn. they're in simple terms lazy and function gotten used to you doing the living house initiatives once you come to bypass to. yet another ingredient you're able to do is initiate deligating chores to each and each of them. Say ok i'm going to bathe the kitchen yet you're able to bathe the front room, loos and laundry. all and sundry in that house is sufficiently previous to tug thier weight and if all and sundry keeps accomodating them and not putting thier foot down, than they'll by no potential exchange. in the event that they proceed to get indignant once you refuse to be their maid, do exactly no longer bypass and bypass to and that they gets the element.
2016-10-03 04:28:55 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them its your vcation and you dont want to...when you go try to spend time as much time out of the house and if you think theyll act offended then dont go..call em up and say i changed my mind im not going bcz your lazy and are going to put me to work
2007-06-26 08:15:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you do it.....they'll let you.
They're not going to change and become decent people
Either stop going to visit or visit and take care of only you....if they get offended... too bad.
2007-06-26 08:16:09 · answer #11 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋