How should i deal with this?

Question

My mother in law seems to always have an excuse when i ask her to watch my daughter. i ask about 2 weeks or so in advance and she told me she would, then she calls me last night< a week after she told me she would> and says now she can't. last time this happened, we came over just for a visit< my daughter asked to see maw maw> they were watching my sister in laws kids and they were spending the night!! i feel like my child is not as importaint as my s-i-l kids. my other sister in law feels the same way as i do. is there a polite way to tell her how i feel? i don't want to attack her, so to speak. i just want my daughter to feel special to her maw maw too. she asks to see her all the time! i have told her to let me know when she wants to have her for a little bit, and that was about 2 or 3 months ago and haven't heard anything about it!

yeah it is sad, but it was what i was expecting. i guess because i am her daughter in law, not her daughter, it's not as important to her i am to the point where even if she asked me i would make an excuse. my mother watches my daughter when she can and i have to schedule about 2 weeks in advance. i understand and that is okay. i just get frustrated with my mil when she says yes, then calls a few days before i need a sitter to tell me she can't! then i have about 2-3 days to find one. it is frustrating

Answer 1

Your mother in law doesn't realize that she is missing out on her granddaughter. You can confront her and let her know she is upset whenever she cancels on her. Be honest with her and let her know if she doesn't want to watch her granddaughter, than your mother would love to. If your daughter wants to see her, maybe your husband can take her there. Maybe once you stop asking, she may volunteer. I don't know how old your daughter is but is she old enough to ask her grandmother herself? and if your mother in law cancels, tell her she has to break the news to your daughter. Pass the phone and once she is faced with having to turn down her granddaughter and not you, she may realize what she has been doing. It is easy for her now because you are the one telling your daughter she can't go. I bet you things could change if she had to tell her.

Answer 2

My MIL drops everything to watch my niece even if its last minute. I always ask several weeks in advance and I always get the I will have to wait and see answer. She can just never mark it in her calender to keep her.

I don't hardly ever ask either and she always acts like I'm interrupting her life. But when I say nevermind I will find someone else she throws these huge fits about it. Then when she does have her she calls everyone she knows and says how she always has my daughter. She says this in front of my daughter and once told my SIL who I am very close with.

MIL's are a pain. I would find another babysitter! I finally realized that even though my daughter wants to be close to her but I can't force my MIL to want the same thing.

Your daughter will be better off in the end to not be close to a woman who can't take the time to spend with her grandkids. I know its hard because your daughter doesn't understand it, but as she gets older she will start to realize how your MIL is.

Answer 3

my own mother was the same way, she griped that she never got to see the kids but didn't want to spend time with them unless I was there also, she wouldn't even watch them if I had to go into work last minute on a saturday or something but my mother adores my younger sister's child and even went all the way to alaska to visit her when the baby was born but with my girls she wouldn't drive an hour to visit and wouldn't even let my first child spend the night when my second child was born. Now my mother is in Georgia still complaining about not seeing my girls but tough, she had her chance. I would give up on her, that's what I had to do with mine, not much help but the reality that some families have favorites and treat others poorly.

Answer 4

This is something your husband - you know - the FATHER of your child - yeah that guy - to screw up some courage and approach his mother about it. If he won't - then what kind of a husband and father is he?

That said, you can't force someone to like someone else - even maw-maw and grandchild. Sounds sad - and it is - but there's nothing you can do about it - except wish things were different. Maw-Maw is only hurting herself - and her granddaughter.

Answer 5

Has your husband talked to her about this? Maybe try to approach her by telling her that your daughter just absolutely adores her and would love to spend time with her. Or maybe coordinate with your sister-in-law as to when her kids are going to be at your m-i-l's house and set up a play date - almost tricking your mil into spending time with her. If that doesn't work, then just drop it. It's unfortunate that your m-i-l doesn't want to spend time with your daughter. It's not fair to your daughter who doesn't understand this sort of thing yet.

Answer 6

i think you need to sit her down, maybe just the two of you go out to lunch or something and casually talk to her about it and let her know how you feel and that it upsets you and you want her to be apart of your daughter's life. talk heart to heart, see what she has to say.

Answer 7

I suppose that you've talked this over with your husband. He should step up for you and his child. Maybe your m-i-l would be more receptive to him since he is her son.

Answer 8

you should tell her the truth about how you feel, and how she is hurting your daughter and yourself.you should not be worried about hurting her she is a adult.i would be more worried about my daughters feelings.