How do I stop my 5 year old stepson from being so needy??

Question

I love him to death dont get me wrong. And he does have some issues which is what I think is the cause of it all. His biological mother took off when he was jus turning 3 and he has grown up with his father and I. We give him everything any kid could ever want. But even though he has tons of toys his own room to play in a huge yard outside to play in, he still never leaves my side. he always wants something new, i wonder if we went overboard with all the stuff we got him, because now i dont think he appreciates what we have done, he just expects more from us? What should we do to make him see that he needs to just be happy with what he has???

Maybe I should clear this up. My husband and I dont buy him everything. Our whole family buys him stuff, everyone just likes to get him new toys all the time. I try to say no to everyone spoiling him, but none of my family listens to me.
I dont want to be the evil stepmother that takes his toys away or says no to him all the time.
But even though he has tons of toys, he is constantly asking me for stuff, NOT TOYS, but he wants treats all the time, he wants me to play with him all the time, or talk all the time.
Im pregnant right now with a 3rd child, we also have a 7 month old child, and its getting hard because he is more needy then my newest baby and he is 5.

Answer 1

Stop buying him toys and start setting aside a special time for just you and him (or you and him and dad). Maybe a little extra attention and patience will do the trick.

Answer 2

I have the same problem with my step son. He has everything a kid could ever want. He has both parents that spoil him because he is an only child (for the time being), both his grandparents buy him things. His Dad's parents are the worst! They feel they have to buy him something everytime they see him. One day we were at the store and the kid threw a huge fit because we actually said no. That's when we realized we created a monster!!
We began giving him an allowance (he was 5, now 6). He would have to work to earn money. When he had enough, he could buy the toy or what ever he wanted. He just automatically stopped expecting and learned the concept of money and hard work. Sometimes he would just say, "I don't really want that toy" just because he didn't want to work!

About the clingy part. . . you have to teach him to play on his own. Get him involved in an activity, start off by playing with him and slowly move away. Read a book or magazine and stay in the same room. Start off by giving him 5-10 min of play time by himself. While you read your magazine, be sure he knows you are still there by involving yourself in his play. For example, if it's legos, "wow, that's a nice building" If he asks you to play just tell him you are reading your magazine and will join him in a few minutes. Each week increase the time by a minute or two. Eventually he will feel comfortable playing by himself. Just be paitient and consistant!

Answer 3

My son is going to be 5 in August and he has the same type of attitude when he was 4 so we just stopped buying him so much and he changed around a little know he always says that the toys he don't play with he wants to give to the little kids that don't have any toys. We explained to him that he should be happy and feel very lucky that he has so much and some kids don't have anything and that is why he wants to give aways his old toys he even gives away his old clothes. I let him take it with me to drop it off to the kids who are less fortunite. I also donated allot of his old books to the hospital and I let him go with me. I think it made a very big diffrence in his attitude. Hope this helps

Answer 4

You have to stop buying him stuff, stop cold turkey. I know you love him, I am sure everyone does. But, he don't need everything he sees. He sounds to me like has more than enough. I think you both his Dad and You are still trying to make up for the fact, that his mother left him. Maybe not consciencely but subconsciencely. He needs to now learn what the meaning of NO is. No, you are not getting that toy and show him you really do mean it this time. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Simple.Just show him that the value of a dollar doesn't always go as far as it used to.You can avoid the toy asiles for awhile,even if he's kicking and screaming that he wants this or that.Ignore it.You as parents should already know by now,everyone doesn't always get what we want,unless we work to earn it.Simply explain the word "NO" to him,and he'll eventually get the picture.If this doesn't work for you,then have just one parent go out to do the shopping,while the other stays to watch over JR.After awhile of not being able to go out to where you get him whatever he wants,then he'll start looking at the things he already has.As soon as he starts to outgrow these toys,then you can pick him up something new once in awhile as your money seems to fit that budget.But don't overdo it.Otherwise he'll go into the same "Wanting things"routine.Good Luck.

Answer 6

I know what you're going through. I had it with my son, whose 4yrs old. His room was a disaster and we sent him upstairs to clean it. He refused. He wasn't allowed tocome out until it was clean and do you know what he did? He tore his Spiderman border off the wall. It runs in the middle of the wall. All of it! I took all of his toys and put them in the spare room. Every single thing. All he had left in his room was his bed and his dresser. Do you know what he said to me that night? "I like my room like this Mommy." It was clean and clutter free. He liked it like that. His punishment was not to have the stuff for a week, but he's a week and a half down and hasn't asked for anything back. Kids don't need everything in the world to be happy, they just want us. I'm going to go through all of his things and keep just a few and give the rest away on freecycle. I suggest you do the same thing. Maybe get him involved. Tell him that since he doesn't play with these things anymore, someone else will enjoy them. Since my son has so much stuff, all of his things are like new. Good luck!

Answer 7

When he is away, go to his room and pick up all the toys and put them away where he can't see them. Have him earn them back by being given responsibilities around the house.

If he is needy for your attention, drop everything and give it to him. He sounds like he is stuck in an earlier developmental stage, one where he was perhaps overlooked or emotionally neglected.

Instead of buying him toys from now on, you might try buying fun kid games that you all can play together...

BTW, my kids are napping right now...how I can get online...and I spoil them mercilessly with my attention. :)

Answer 8

I would maybe help him go through the things he has and make a donation pile to give to the kids who don't have anything. He needs to see how much he has.
Then I would start giving him time and attention rather than stuff and more stuff. Don't take him to the store with you for awhile, instead go to the park, or the pool! Teach him to play with what he has, and find some friends for him, their are many places and ways to get play dates with other kids his age.

Answer 9

There are two basic reasons. His previous unstable relation with his mother makes him insecure and demanding with his present relationship (in this case with you). Secondly, this is their age to be demanding to grab every thing. As a toddler, they don't know any thing except to play and to have every thing for them. They will not say enough even if you buy them the whole toy's store until they reach six and seven. Then, they understand how you feel about them. They will start to understand when you are happy, when you are hurt and what you feel about them. But at this age don't expect any thing from them other than playing and demanding "buy me this and buy me that..."

Answer 10

Slow down on the toys. As he gets older the toys will cost much more. Keep showing him your support and never turn him away. All too soon he will want to be without you around. Enjoy it while it lasts. It is short lived.