my sister is a drug addict and lives with my 72 year old mom. how can i tell my mom to do tough love?

Question

if my mom enables my drug addict sister i guess that is up to her since it has been going on for years and years. I just don't want to hear anymore bad stuff about this situation. My mom calls everyday and tells me how horrible her life is with my sister but as soon as i start telling her to do tough love she gets very anger and even hangs up on me What should i do?

Answer 1

Quit answering her calls or when she starts in just say you dont want to hear it because she can do something about it and wont.
Another thing is when she calls and starts talking about it is just say you dont want to hear it anymore and you prefer to talk about more pleasant things. If she cant do that then just dont answer the phone.
Your mother could be helping your sister but she loves her safety zone more than the daughter. What a shame.

Answer 2

It sounds like tought love isn't an option here since your mom doesn't want to hear it, because afterall that is her child. If you fear for your mom safety you could make a phone call to the adult protective services and inform them of situation. They could take over matters and remove your sister from the home and maybe get her some help. They could probably even get your mother someone to talk to or even a support group where other parents have been in situations like hers. Its a very delicate issue and requires a lot of thought as to what is in the best interest of your mom and your sister. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

I think you should visit your mom, and talk to her face to face. Be loving and supportive. If she calls you everyday she obviously needs something from you. Find out what that it is, but make it clear that you will not bre part of enabling your sister.

Your sister is the one who really needs to be confronted. Tell her that she is putting your mom through hell, and she needs to clean up her act. Your mom is too old for this!! Tell your sister that she is really hurting your mom, and that if she can't get clean and help to care for your mother, and attempt to do positive things, then go ruin her own life somewhewre else. And of course you cannot MAKE an addict get clean unless they want, no matter how much you love them. But it does sound like the two of them living together is no good. I think you need to stand up to your sister, no matter what it takes you, for your mom's sake. (If you have other siblings, it's time to call them and demand thier involment, they have a responsibility to your mother also.) She is really too old to be dealing with this, especially alone. Best of luck.

Answer 4

Sounds like there is nothing you can do unless your sister physically hurts your mother or your mother does the tough love thing and kicks her out. Unfortunately people in their late 60's early 70's do not want advise they just want someone to listen. They think that what they are doing is best and you can not tell them any different or they get mad. I have a 73 year old uncle-in-law who will still not stop drinking and driving-- insists he is ok to drive. among a lot of other things I tell him better ways of doing things but he will not listen and gets mad. Unfortunately we are to listen, not give advise and just be there for them even though their problems are self inflicted. Good luck and lots of patience. Just keep letting mom know you are there and you love her.

Answer 5

We had the same problem with my brother & I can just tell you in our situation, I found nothing worked. My parents would not kick him out because they were afraid of him and thought he would come back and break in the house (and frankly, I was also afraid of that).
We tried to call adult protection, but when they visited my parents, my parents told them that everything was fine and they didn't understand why someone called them.
Unfortunately, unless your mom is willing to do the deed and kick your sister out, there isn't much you can do.
The best thing to do is keep in touch with your mom just to be sure she is OK.

Good luck

Answer 6

not much you can do. odds are, your rmom knows it's a bad situation and what needs to be done but maybe she doesn't have the strength to do it. maybe she feels it's easier this way. we all know it isn't. she's 72. i'll bet she thought she wouldn't have to be doing this at this time in her life. maybe you could convince her to talk to someone who knows about being the parent of a drug addicted child. some kind of support group maybe. your local hospital should be able to direct you. once she sees things in a different light she may be able to put her foot down about it. good luck to all of you.

Answer 7

My mother never sees all the bad my sister does. When I point it out she gets very aggressive with me. Calls me a liar(even when there is proof). I just told my mother i don't care about my sister. They if she can't call with out talking about her. Then don't call. After 39 years of it. I'm tried of listening about it.

Answer 8

let your mom learn the hard way when something badddd happens 2 ur sis.