am i a bad mother?

Question

i had a son when i was 15 and my mother always took care of him. he was never a problem for me to go out or do anything i wanted. i was also able to go to school. my mother did not really let me act like a mother. my stepfather is in the army and had to move to germany then romania where he is originally from, so they decided to move and wanted to take my son, i said yes because i did not want to go and i did not know with whom i was going to stay here. i did not want my son to be moving from one place to another and wanted him to be in a stable place until i was able to get a place and be able to care for him without anyones help. i've been talking to him to see if he wants to come back to america he does not want. am i a bad mother for letting my mother do whatever she wants with him?

Answer 1

Sometimes being a good mother is knowing to let go! You were 15 sweety..and by letting him go to a stable home is showing LOVE and that you did the best you could do...I respect you!

Answer 2

First all I give you props for having him....and not aborting him. You are his mother and if you are ready to raise him and want him to come back then he doesnt have a say. You are his mother and he needs to know that. Yea he may not like you at first for making him leave but you know what eventually he will get over it once he gets to know you and gets used to his life now. Just because he does not want to be with you does not mean you have to just let him or your parents do whatever with him. If you are stable and able to raise him then he is yours to take. Even though you were 15 when you had him I feel you rmother should have let you done some work as his mother....maybe things would be a little easier now and he would not be so "attached" to your mom. But ultamately the decision is yours....your mother can not keep you from your child no matter how many years she has been raising him.

Answer 3

Things like this happen. He probably doesnt identify you as being his mother since he already has another "mother figure". Your mom may have also told your son that he shouldnt go live with mommy because mommy doesnt want him because she let him go. I dont know what your mom's like but she may have brainwashed your kid into thinking you arent really his mom or you dont really want him.
You werent a bad mother. A bad mother would have moved on, never giving a second thought to how her kid was or anything. You were only 15. What was there for you to do except for what you did? I dont think youre a bad mother. You made a bad choice by having a kid so young but mistakes are mistakes and you can only learn from them.
Ask your son for a trial period. A few months with you in america to see if he likes it. If not, he can go back to romania.

Good luck!

Answer 4

No I think that youdid what you was the best thing for your child and in reality it really was if they are more stable and could better support your child. Just because he is not ready to come back to you don't feel all down about the idea he will come around its just hard to come back around when your grand parents are showing you the time of your life in Germany. Think of it as your son is on a vacation and when he is comfortable and ready for his mommy he will let you know be patient and don't be hard on yourself I think you made a wise but hard decison and that shows that your are not selfish and you are a great mother for wanting the best for your child and you know that you weren't able to provide that.

Answer 5

Being a good mother is ensuring that your child is well taken care of and is receiving the love and guidance to make the right decisions in their life... (I think you have a better appreciation about decision making...) You are lucky in a sense that a family member is willing to step in and take on this responsibility... Some people do not have this luxury and look to adoption agencies.... If you are looking for absolution from people on this site, you are looking in the wrong place... You need to look inside yourself for only you know if your child is in a better position with your parents than yourself... The question should be about your son's well being and not whether you feel guilty...

Answer 6

Your mother raised your child because you were too immature or irresponsible to do so. How fair do you think it is for you to take your son away from the only mother he's ever known? For all intents and purposes, your mother is the child's mother. You gave up the right to motherhood when you blew off your responsibility at the time of the child's birth. You're not a "bad mother" because you're not really his mother at all.

Answer 7

No your not bad mother but you just made bad mistakes in your life. It takes strong courage and straight that keep your son at young age your life. it only show how much you love your son and by providing stable living consider to live in. Your son is possiblity angry at you right due you left with your parents. You need to explain to your son the sitution when you were born. Later his life he will forgive your mistake but make sure in contract your son right now and with your parents.

Answer 8

You were too young to think properly what's best for your kid. I don't think u r a bad mother, but you should have be more careful while having sex. The child grew without you, and now it is normal he doesn't want to see or live with u. As far as he's concerned u abandoned him, and unless u explain to him everything, the relationship is not becoming much better. I hope I helped _

Answer 9

I wouldn't say you are a bad mother. You were young and naive, none of us are perfect. I have a hard time and I am 27 with my first.

I would say that your relationship with your son is going to need some nurturing now that you are older. He might resent you somewhat. I would let him stay where he wants to be but try to develop a stronger bond. Why don't you go out to Romania and see him? I know it might be expensive but you could save for your son.

I truly don't think a bad mom would even bother to ask if she were a bad mother.

Answer 10

It depends, at 15 you weren't really ready to mother a child. It is a lot of responsibility, and it isn't expected for a 15 year old to be that mature. However it doesn't give you the excuse to hok your baby off on your parents. Your mother enabled your frisky behavior however by allowing you to do what you wanted all the time, and not making you take responsibility for your actions.

In my opinion, if your parents had to move, and you were unable to provide for your child alone, you should have gone with them, and done your best to be a mother your child.

You allowing him to be away is prolonging your desire to learn how to be a mother. You wont learn by yourself, you need him here with you.

Answer 11

first of all, no mom is perfect... but i think it would have been better if you were a part of his childhood at least... and taken a more active roll in his life... he prolly feels abandoned and worthless because you never really spent time w/him in the first place... he is your own flesh and blood and i think you should try to get to know him better... maybe when you were young, you shouldn't have gone out as much and spent more time w/your son...you should have taken more responsibility.... but you can't go back in time so the best thing to do now is try and be close to your son and say sorry for the times you were never really there for him... just try to look at it from his point of view sometimes...


hey you should consider watching this movie i watched...
Too Young to Be a Dad.... its really good and its kinda like your situation... please consider it...

i wish you the best of luck w/your son...