Whose decision will prevail at the wedding ceremony?

Question

My fiancee and I wanted to get married soon, but her mom said, that they (the parents of my fiancee) will not attend the wedding and will not give their blessings if we will not have a Catholic rite...we are Protestants (I and my fiancee) so, how do we deal with my intruding future mother-in-law?

of course my fiancee is annoyed with her mom...but we are just agitated coz she can make a "scandal" out of it...i love my gf though, despite that.

she ---im referring to the mother

Answer 1

Professional advice ----

To be married as a catholic you must be catholic. You would have to go through a tedious course that has absolutely nothing to do with marriage. No catholic priest will marry you since you claim to be protestants.

Your MIL needs to understand that the marriage and wedding is not about your religious beliefs. It's about the love you two share for each other. Your not celebrating your religion, your celebrating your love.

She has no right to shove her religious beliefs onto you. She needs to realize that this is where you differ. You wont be pressured to do something that you believe is wrong and agasint yoru own religous beliefs.

Talk to the priest of her church and explain to him your situation. Tell him that you would like to make her happy but you will not have a catholic wedding. That you simply want the blessings of the church so that she will give her blessings and come to the wedding.

I recenlt had a client go through this. The priest was more than happy to help them with the situation and even talked to his mother.

Answer 2

If Mandela's suggestion would work, and you will only need to have a priest in attendance then do that. If not and there is actually a ritual involved that neither of you want then you and your fiance need to stand up to them and tell them it is your wedding and the two of you only will make the decisions. Then your fiancee needs to tell them how much they will be hurting her if they are not in attendance and ask if that is what they want as they can never change it. Ask them if some religious ritual which is not even your religion is more important to them than breaking their daughter's hear on the most important day of her life. If they still refuse to attend then dont cave. They are being immature and are bullying you. If you give in to this you'll be giving in for a lot more in your future. Stand your ground and let them do as they will, they will regret it far more than the two of you. I really do hope you can solve this problem mutually and wish you good luck. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage.

Answer 3

It is definitely the decision of you and your fiancee to do what you feel is right for you and not what is being pressed upon you. I have attended a wedding where a Catholic priest was in attendance to oversee and bless the rite of marriage between the couple in order to please the parents of the groom. He was not involved in the ceremony but just sat in the audience and observed. If your fiancee would be devastated without her parents in attendance that could be an option.

Answer 4

The decision that will prevail is the one that you and your fiancee' decide on. You are adult enough to get married, you are adult enough to make your own choice.

Your future MIL is waaay out of line. She had to right to express an opinion, but once the decision is made, she needed to sit down and shut up. I don't know if she has strong religious views or is just a controlling b***h trying to exert control over her daughter. You know best on that.

Your fiancee' (and you, it's nice to back each other up on these matters) need to let her mother know what your decision is, and let her know that she is wanted and welcome at the wedding, but that you understand that if it goes against her principles, you would not want her to compromise herself.

My bet is that she'll come around eventually -- good grief, it's her daughter, here! -- but she's just upset because she had a vision in her head how her daughter would marry, and it's just not working out that way.

Good luck -- and stand firm. Otherwise, this woman will try to run your life.

Answer 5

For a few purpose those who keep the handbag strings suppose they keep the correct to make the selections. We ought to educate a category referred to as, Giving one zero one; while you provide a present, that's precisely what it will have to be, no strings hooked up. Now moms are a complete 'nuther tale, whether or not they are giving cash or now not. Mother is happy and has regularly dreamed of the way her little lady's marriage ceremony could someday be. So attempt to appreciate. Decide what's REALLY foremost to YOU & you FIANCE`, and paintings from there. You desire a cake; prefer what you wish however permit mother prefer the sheet muffins you are going to be utilising (it is less expensive this manner). If you wish to stroll the aisle to a targeted tune, stand organization. But if you do not care what pre-marriage ceremony track is performed, permit her prefer it. You will ought to provide Mom detailed jobs to do. Tell her you respect her involvement on your marriage ceremony, however that earlier than she buys whatever YOU have the FINAL determination. It could also be difficult to mention, but it surely demands to be stated. Otherwise you are going to be very disillusioned & dissatisfied come Wedding Day.

Answer 6

Since the wedding and therefore the marriage is between you and your girlfriend the two of you need to decide what you want to do in light of her mother's demand. If you decide to go ahead with the wedding as you two want it then she should realize that her mother may not come (remember a threat like that is often used to ensure compliance but not always carried out - it's a control thing). Once you two decide how you want to proceed it's your finacee's responsibility to tell her mother (since it's her mother) what has been decided and that it is her wedding and marriage and her mother can either come and support your marriage and the two of you or can stay home but she is committed to you and your love and that's that. You really shouldn't allow someone else's religious beliefs to interfere with your wedding (for one thing you won't have the cherished memories that you should have doing something that is being done solely for "effect"). Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 7

Since your future MIL is Catholic, she should know that if you're protestant, you can't just have a Catholic ceremony because someone wants you to be Catholic. If you or your fiance were previously Catholic, but have converted to Protestantism, then there isn't much she can do about it. You would have to convert back to Catholocism all over again, then go through the required pre-marital counceling, etc. It could take over a year before you're even allowed to marry in a Catholic church. That's just ridiculous. Sit her down and explain the reality of what she's asking from the two of you. It isn't just about what kind of ceremony is held. Its about her asking you to change your whole belief system. If that's what she expects of you in order to give her blessing, then you may just have to go without her blessing and elope. I think if you spell it out for her honestly, with respect, but while being as firm as possible, she may think twice about missing out on her daughter's wedding just so she can get her way. Especially if she knows that threatening not to attend isn't going to change your mind. If you give in to behavior like that now, she'll know she can get away with it for the rest of your marriage. I'm not suggesting you start an all out war with your MIL, but you can't let her walk all over you either. If she can't sit down and discuss it with the two of you like an adult, you've got bigger issues than what religion your ceremony will follow. Good luck.

Answer 8

You say you are protestant, then you should be having a protestant ceremony.

Tell your future mother in law that you respect her personal beliefs, and trust that she will respect yours as well. Tell her, also, that it would be very sad for her to miss the wedding, but if she feels that strongly about it that it might be better for her to stay home. DO NOT under any circumstances say "oh, you'll ruin the wedding for Jane" or in any way show her that her presence or absence will make a difference to your joy. that's what she wants.

Either way, prepare yourself for future mother in law hell and for the next 50 or so years, remember to smile and be courteous.

It's really too bad that this woman doesn't respect her own child's religious beliefs.

God bless.

Answer 9

I believe you can't have a Catholic ceremony if neither of you are Catholic, in fact, the way I understand, you can't have a mass with it unless you are both Catholic.

You have a decision to make. Either it's your way or hers. You have to draw your line in the sand. Hopefully she will just come around. Maybe you could make a compromise and have a priest there to bless the ceremony or something. Maybe that would appease her.

Otherwise you may have to deal with the fact that she's going to be a stick-in-the-mud.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

As long as your fiancee supports this decision, have her tell her parents to go jump off a bridge. They have no right to dictate to you guys how you will get married, especially when it's a religious issue. I would also have your fiancee ask them the infamous question, "What would Jesus do?"

I'm sorry they're behaving this way. Please don't let them cast a pall on your wedding. And be supportive of your bride, because their decision will hurt her very much. Be prepared for tears on your wedding day as well. Best of luck to both of you!