living together pt II?

Question

Hi, it's me again, I know my question was resolved, but now that my bf and I are gonna live together I was thinking that maybe we could live in an apartment with 2 bedrooms, so he can have his privacy and I can have mine, not that we're not gonna sleep together, but I think it's better to respect eachother space, besides I've heard of a lot of couples that do that and their relationships are better and they don't argue as much as couples who have just one room for both. I mean, whenever we feel like being alone, or maybe I have work to do and he wants to watch tv or viceversa, instead of taking turns or even arguing, we can have our own privacy, I think that way the relationship will be better, I told my bf and he thinks it's a good idea. What do you think?

Answer 1

I 100% agree with having two bedrooms. I am in the same position as you are right now - my bf wants us to move in together but I'm not totally sure about it yet. (I know he's "the one" but am not quite ready to move in yet.) When we do, we want to get a 2-bedroom apartment.

This is NOT so we can each have our own bedroom, but so that we can have more space. One bedroom will be where we sleep and where our clothes are, and the second bedroom will be used as an office/sitting room. It'll probably have a bed for guests but we won't use it. It'll also have a comfy lazy-boy type chair, a small tv and our computers. If one of us is in the living room watching tv and the other wants a bit of quiet, there are more options than just the bedroom.

Also, at least where I live, the cost difference between a 1-bedroom and a 2-bedroom in any given building is usually about $100-$200 - very inconsequential, so paying the extra bit of money each is not a big deal. (At least to us.)

I say go for it. For me, a second bedroom would save my sanity! If you can afford the extra bit of money, why not? It's just another place where you can go to relax. (And I don't know about you guys, but my bf and I have very different tastes in tv shows! Sometimes I feel like watching MTV fluff and he wants to watch sci-fi and we just can't agree - the extra room means an easy out!) ;o)

EDIT: My grandparents had their own bedrooms (rarely slept in the same bed) for many, many years! This worked for them. It wasn't a religious thing but a SNORING thing! So a second bedroom can in some cases save a relationship (they would have divorced over my grandfather's snoring had they not decided to have separate bedrooms).

Answer 2

Think of it more as having an office rather than having two separate bedrooms. That way there is the quiet room which is where you can put your desk, computer, book cases, and a big comfy chair. The other room would be your typical bedroom: bed, bureaus, closet, etc. And of course, you'll have the living room where you can snuggle on the couch and watch t.v.

I think having that extra room is really nice. The living room is great for when you want to be together and enjoy each others' company (and have people over), but there will be days when you just want to be by yourself, in your own space, enjoying a good book, or getting work done. This is when you'll really appreciate the office. Plus, you won't feel so cramped this way. My fiance and I started off in a one bedroom, and we are SO ready for a two bedroom. We outgrew it very quickly.

It's tough adjusting to living with someone, and I think you do yourself AND your relationship a favor by giving the two of you the extra space to expand and grow with!

Good luck!

Answer 3

I think that is a great idea and a very mature decision for both of you to make. Most couples need time away from each other and dont always want to go to the bedroom. Having a 2nd bedroom set up maybe as an office with a loveseat and a television in it for comfort would be a good idea. Plus having the extra closet space the 2nd bedroom will provide is an added plus for storage.

Answer 4

I think your totally nuts for living together. You're never going to have a good long-term relationship because of it! And, the fact that you are considering 2 bedrooms indicates that you don't really get along that well to begin with. Having 2 bedrooms will not make your relationship any better than if you have 1 or 3 or 10 bedrooms.

Answer 5

I think having an extra bedroom is always a good idea, for space for stuff, for friends staying over or for your own space, i have lived with my boyf for over a year now, we have a 3 bedroom house, you will be surprised at the amount of time you get to spend together, very little, because when you are both working, getting in at different times, going out with friends on different evenings, visiting family, going to the gym or whatever, the amount of time you get to spend with each other alone is actually quite minimal, you will be glad to spend some time together, if you keep yourselves busy in life, then it wont matter if you have an extra room to have SPACE, if it is going to last, an extra room wont be the deciding factor, dont listen to others when it comes to deciding what is best for your relationship, everyone has a different opinion, do what the both of you think works.

Answer 6

I think it's a little weird. the truth is that it will probably cause more fighting... How would you feel if he's in there all day with the door closed? Are you going to be ok, with him having his own space?
How about him?

Don't get me wrong, i agree that couples should have their own space but i don't think that includes having different rooms.

I think that bedtime is a time that you could use to make up after a fight. I am a strong believer in not going to sleep angry. if you both lock yourselves in different rooms you won't have the opportunity to make up.

i also think that too much alone time is not healthy for a relationship. You grow closer by spending time together, not the other way around.

if you both think it's a good idea, go for it. it is your life and your decision.... although, i think the best thing would be to live separate until you get married.

Answer 7

You gotta do what works for your relationship.

Personally, I would NEVER do that. You can still have your space by doing what you need to do in whatever room is appropriate... one in the lving room, one in the kitchen or the yard... or wherever. I think when you start doing too much separately, you start creating a wedge between you, rather than solidifying that bond and finding things to do together.

Growing up, we had a TV in every bedroom, TV in the living room... I think we had more TV's than people. We all spent our evenings in different rooms doing different things, eating dinner at different times, etc. Well, their marriage didn't last and my family is sooo disjointed. I sometimes feel very alone. Everyone just does their own thing. It's soooo easy to fall into that trap.

I live with my fiance. When it comes to TV watching, we just agree to watch the same things. If he wants to watch something that I don't, sometimes I go into the next room and get on my computer. Or if he isn't into the show I want to watch, he'll go play a video game.

We don't concentrate on each having our own "space". If we each want/need to do something separate, we just do it.

In the end, we are very close and have NEVER ever had a major fight. We disagree at times and can speak respectfully about our different points of view, and reach compromises. I think this comes from spending time together and really knowing each other.

I hope you find the balance that works for you. Just don't concentrate on your "own space" too much. Otherwise you might find too much space between you and the next thing you know, you are living separate lives with a stranger in the house.

Answer 8

Well, as a landlord, i see stuff like ALL the time and yes privacy and space are well and good as long as you can afford it. Finding a place that suits you both- that has a good location to your jobs- and that is in your household budget is very important and will save on alot of fights.

Having two bedrooms or one bedroom wont stop a fight from happening, they just may increase the financial burden on one person if the other skips out due to problems.

My advice, dont rent somewhere where either of you cannot afford to live on your own.

Answer 9

As a couple, you will need the extra space, but don't look at it as the "escape" room. Living together is about working things out and communicating. You don't want to create a situation where it's ok to walk away from your problems. Starting to live together with this mindset will get you nowhere in your relationship.

My fiance and I live together in a two bedroom apt and right now we are renting out the extra bedroom for wedding money and when it's not rented it's his office and my sewing room. And when we have a kid it will be the baby's room. So look at the extra room as shared space.

Answer 10

My husband and I have 2 bedrooms. Only one has a bed in it. This is also the one where my closet and clothes are. The other room contains her clothes and closet as well as a TV, DVD player, my make-up vanity so I don't wake him in the morning and somewhere to sit.

I think you could arrange something like this. Even putting your desk and computer in that room would be a good idea I would think. This way there is separation but not so separate that its too separate-if you know what I mean.