Those married between 10 and 15 years, How has your feelings changed about your spouse?

Question

I have been married 12 years. I am 34 she is 33. Three kids. Our relationship has definitely suffered over the past few years. We do not fight much, we do not agree on much, and really we do not talk all that much anymore. I work she stays at home and from 5:30pm to 11pm our worlds cross but certainly do not join. Our relationship has become more of a business agreement centered around raising kids than a personal relationship between two adults. Each of us have the obligatory things we do for each other to keep the peace and the illusion that things have not changed. We do not dislike each other or wish harm or bad things for each other; it is more like there is just a huge void of emotion there. Sex is ok, our money situation is ok, I guess everything is ok. I daydream/fantasy about a relationship where things are new and that “buzz” you get by just being around someone. I AM NOT THINKING OF CHEATING just missing that filling. Any thought or advice?

Answer 1

been together 10 yrs, married for 3, 3 kids. life pretty much like yours. hoping as the kids get older more indepent we will conect more. i stay home and by the end of the day emotionally i'm drained and don't have much left to give, physically i'm exdhausted not much to giver. mentally exhausted not much to give. enjoy the good days, be a good friend to your wife, never cheat, remember things could be worse. pray for a wonderful happy renewed realationship with your wife as these years pass, keep comunication open.
good luck.

Answer 2

i know exactly what you are saying and you are saying it very well. i commend you for saying you are not thinking of cheating. because thats usually the 1st thought in a persons mind when they feel this way. the only advise i have is to hang in there and hope that things change. circumstances change all the time. And if after a 40 or so year marriage it didnt ever change back to the "buzz" feeling you had before, at least you had the opportunity to grow old with a good friend.

Answer 3

I would suggest that you try to spark up your romance again. There are many ways of doing this. Find yourself a sitter and take her out on a romantic date to a nice resturaunt. Maybe you could just send her flowers or leave her a nice love note someplace you know that she will find it. Maybe try talking about this issue with her, communication is very important in a relationship. I went through the same thing that you are going through, only I was the wife....Little gestures go a very long way. Tell her that after so many years together, she is still the most beautiful woman that you have ever known, or just give her a big kiss for no reason at all. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

I'm not married but have been around those like you have had or having problems
it seems like you have got stuck in a rut and you live together but just don't seem happy at all if you imagining and daydreaming then things def need some attention if you still love each other its time to wake up and talk to each other have some counseling or spice things up in the bedroom there loads you can do like pretending you have met for the first time have that first date again ,get a babysitter and go out make time for each other
there's also kinky underwear well you no what i mean
if this is a relationship worth saving then talk to her
if your both not happy and can't work it out then you both should not stay in a loveless relationship not even for the kids as you will hurt them in the long run

Answer 5

You need to reconnect to each other. Sounds like the love is still there but lost in the matters of the world. Find time to get to know each other again. Find a babysitter and make dates with each other. If you can afford it go to a movie or dinner or even a walk in a park. Just somewhere to be alone with each other. You both need to become more attuned to the others happenings of the day. Ask how was your day, and then earnestly listen and take true interest. This has to be a two way street, you both need to just talk to each other. This is the advice from someone who has been married for 33 years and very much still in love with each other. We raised two children and at times had to just put the world away for a while and focus only on each other. Good Luck and remember to always say each day I Love You and mean it.

Answer 6

Take her on a honeymoon and remember the days when you started as a couple... Both of you should rekindle those moments and repeat them to eachother so that you can remember what brought you two together. Buy her a gift certificate at a trendy beauty salon for a makeover so that she can have a change of image and also feel sexy again. What did you two do together when you met (besides sex)? Do those same things. What did she do that made you fall in love with her? Ask her to do those same things...

Good luck and peace to both of you. I hope you can work things out.

Answer 7

You have gotten to a point where your relationship is a routine rather than a marriage and both of you are taking each other for granted. Odds are she feels the same way that you do. You need to find a way to add a little spice/excitement to your relationship (and it doesn't have to be sexual). Children tend to make life routine. My suggestion is that the two of you need to find time to spend together (without children) on a regular basis. Use the time to rekindle the relationship. Get to know each other again.

Answer 8

I think this is completely normal. You hear ppl talk about the "7 year itch" but we had problems around 12 years. We are at 15 now....I know exactly what you are saying. We got married at 21 and have 3 boys. We were just kind of hanging in there, as it sounds like you guys are, then we went on a few day vacation with no kids and bam we kind of re-discovered each other. It was not like we just met but we realized all the things we like about each other are still there, we just got too busy to look. I would suggest that you guys go out on a weekly date nite and if possible go for a long weekend (somewhere nearby even a hotel in your town), just get away from it all and see what happens. I know this sounds like lame advice you get from anywhere but it worked for us. We were kind of forced to go on our "little kid free vacation", we would have never gone on our own (we wouldn't have wanted to be alone together that long...what would we talk about! LOL!). Anyway try it, it can't hurt! Good Luck, I hope you guys find your way back.

Answer 9

that's normal, maybe you and your wife should try and spend some quality time together. go out for a meal or something.

Answer 10

17 years married and happy married...2 kids and my wife also home,your problem (probably)is that your wife is at home...just imagine your self staying home all day..is boring.Just try to get your wife out and let her choose where to go..maybe this will help, try also to ask your wife what she love to do in your free time..I wish you a good luck and god bless you..(sorry my English)