my bride to be has her dream wedding planned, and her parents willing to pay, but their ideas are different, with the response usually being, well, we are paying for it, so we get the last decision..........its not the issue of cost, my gf wants a simpler wedding, they are picking the colors, flowers,cakes..........ect,ect.........we give our idea, then they tell the people what we want......is this right?
2007-06-26 03:49:59 · 62 answers · asked by ed h 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
They are paying for it after all. Beggars can't be choosers.
2007-06-26 03:54:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 5⤋
Boy does this bring back memories. When I got married I wanted a simple wedding very low cost. I had it all planned but then my mom decided that she and her friend would make all the flower arrangements and corsages bouts etc. ok that save like $50 when it came down to it. Then I had an old friend of the family who is a professional seamstress that was going to make my dress as a wedding present but noooo my mom decided that she would make the dress. She had never sewn anything with satin and lace before and omg it was a nightmare. By the time it was done it looked like I was 6 months pregnant which I wasnt at all. The sleeves were 6 inches too long. But in the end my husband and I have been married for over 27 years, the wedding is just a small part of the marriage. I think if I was to do it again I would have eloped. Maybe if the bride told them that if she didn't get things the way she wants, since she isn't being unreasonable about things, that they would elope that would open their eyes. Either way good luck! and Congrats to the couple!
2007-06-26 03:59:42 · answer #2 · answered by rainy_54 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No it is not right. If the parents are willing to pay for the wedding but wants complete control of how to have the wedding, then I suggest you both tell the parents forget about paying the wedding were eloping. Parents sometimes forget although there paying for the wedding its not there wedding. Yes they do have a say of how much there willing to spend, but they do not have the right to decide anything else. ONLY the bride & groom. Its time you both speak up now.
2007-06-26 03:56:11 · answer #3 · answered by beliz 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its hard to deal with bride's parents when they think what's best for the wedding is best for the bride. Most people now pay for their own wedding's so they don't have someone sitting there saying they are going to plan out the wedding for you and do it they way they want it. Your bride should tell the parents that if they don't like her idea's than maybe you guys should hold off, and pay for the wedding themselves. As the parents probably see it their little girl is getting married and they want it to be the best wedding ever. Its bad luck, but remember if they are paying for it let them have a few decisions but tell them your not ready for them to do it all.
2007-06-26 03:55:57 · answer #4 · answered by Tommy's_Sweet_Girl 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you guys should have a lot of the say in how your wedding is going to be planned, since it is your wedding.
It is a great excuse to say since they are paying that they should make all the decisions, but they should be aware that it is not there wedding. Sometimes parents want to be involved even if they are not paying for it.
Maybe you could talk to them about what you guys are having issues with and let them be part of some of the wedding planning, but express to them that you would like to make the final decisions on things. It is all about balance and maybe things are unbalenced right now.
If you give them a role in the wedding somehow, where it doesn't interfere much with your ideas, they can still feel included.
2007-06-26 04:02:20 · answer #5 · answered by chi girl 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If they control the wedding then they'll control you're life. Tell them you want a simple wedding and they can plan a big reception for everyone. They're just showing off. Some parents offer the money they save on a wedding as a gift to the bride and groom for new life together.
2007-06-27 00:30:33 · answer #6 · answered by solotrovo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they are paying for it they can set a budget and tell her if she goes over budge the two of you will have to pay for it, but the details should be left up to the two of you. It is your wedding not theirs. Your fiancee needs to have a serious talk to them about it. Tell them you posted a question here and tell them what the responses are. I see this almost every day on here where someone is always interfering in the decisions. It is perfectly okay to make suggestions, but they should not expect the suggestion to be used and they certainly shouldnt be making all the decision. Geez do you two have a say in anything? Sounds to me like they are planning there 2nd wedding. They need to be stopped now. If they get away with this they are going to think they can interfere in your lives with all major decisions. I know it can be hard to stand up to parents, but afterall if you're old enough to get married(I'm not saying you're not) then you both have to be the mature ones (the parents are being immature) and stand up to them and put a stop to it. You both want a day that you planned. Your fiancee will regret it if she doesnt have the wedding she planned. She needs to put it to them it that way. That she would like to look back on her wedding day and have fond memories of the things she did to plan it, not to look at pictures and it seem as if she were a guest at her own wedding.
2007-06-26 08:04:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no, it's not right. the paying party should give limits on what they are willing to afford and that's it. they might request a thing or two, but definitely, they should not have this kind of control you are talking about.
it's your and your bride's special ceremony. you will always look back at this event and if there are regrets you'll never enjoy the memories, the regret will always be there.
the ceremony needs to reflect who you and your bride are, not who her parents are.
if you don't want the parents to have that much control, then decide that you should have your own wedding and celebrate it how you want.
having your own wedding is a great way to start your life together and establish independence together. there are many ways to have a nice wedding without spending a lot of money. my husband and I got married for under $2000 and we loved it and our guests loved it too.
if you allow the parents to control this event you'll never forgive them and it'll ruin your relationship with them, which will only cause conflict and chaos between you and your wife. Imagine if they're like this for the wedding, how they'll be for the children you have.!!!!!
2007-06-26 04:06:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, yes and no.
Unfortunately, this winds up under the golden rule: he who has the gold makes the rules.
You can tell them what you want. Most parents footing the bills are willing to at least work with the bride and groom on a lot of things, and many are happy to simply take orders and write the checks to cover it all...but in the longrun, they're the ones paying for it and if they decide not to listen, there's not that much you can do about it.
It sounds in this case like her parents are throwing either the wedding they wanted or the wedding they think their friends want. They're not listening to you two about anything at all.
So, since it's clear they are not going to listen about anything - even the color scheme! - you have two choices: you and your lady can accept that you're going to have a wedding you hate, or you can put an end to these plans and tell her parents you'll get married when you and she can finance the wedding you'd like to have.
The first will make you miserable and resentful. The second will make her parents the miserable and resentful ones...unless the unlikely happens and they come to their senses and realize that they're making their daughter unhappy and that's a horrible way to start her marriage. Don't count on that. More likely you'll get a lot of choruses of 'ungrateful' and such. In short, this is going to make someone unhappy. Who's it going to be?
Sit down with your lady and have a long talk. You're both going to need to be in clear, full agreement on which path you choose.
Best of luck to you.
2007-06-26 04:24:14 · answer #9 · answered by gileswench 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The way I see this, is that the bride and groom should be doing all of the planning.
If the parents do not like the way it is planned, they need to deal with it.
Just because they are contributing to the wedding IMO does not mean that they pull the strings.
What you should do is say "if we cannot have our wedding OUR way, take your money back and WE will pay for and plan our OWN wedding".
YOU two get to choose how you want your wedding to be.
Do you want to look back on your wedding day and go "i wish we did *this* instead of *that*"? Or "man, I hated the look of that, I wish we did it our way"?
So say thank but no thanks to her parents, save up, and spend your money on your own wedding.
2007-06-26 06:58:45 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK OK OK end all of this by - Eloping.
And eloping means just the bride and groom - no family, no friends, no fuss, no muss.
OR - the other option is:
The Bride and Groom pay for everything.
Yes, that means perhaps a smaller, simpler wedding - without all the gee-gaws and trappings of the BIG day - but it's also without all the feathers flying either.
Oh - bonus time here - by paying for it yourselves, YOU get to control the guest list.
so either pay for a simple wedding by yourselves and be happy with that - or elope - and save even more money.
2007-06-26 04:11:47 · answer #11 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋