What if I can't afford a gift?

Question

I'm going to a wedding in two weeks where my bf is bestman. Unfortunately, although I have a good job, money is very tight lately. My bf and I are going abroad just after the wedding. We just had our anniversary so bought him a gift for that, plus Father's Day and Mother's Day gifts as well as birthday presents for 4 family birthdays in July and August. On top of this, I've just found out that my car needs some major repairs totalling over $1,000... plus rent, insurance, student loans, etc etc...

I have no money to spend on a wedding gift. Even $50 will be a stretch for me right now. I feel awful! Should I just bite the bullet and put $50 in with my bf's gift? (They want cash.) Or is there something else I can do instead? My bf said it's okay if I don't put any money in with his (he would still sign both our names on the card) and I know a gift isn't mandatory, but they're good friends and I feel really bad not giving something...

Any suggestions or opinions are appreciated!

I should add that I'm not my bf's "guest" to the wedding. These are good friends to both of us, hence why I'd like to put some money towards the gift as well.

BasketCase - We asked if they'd rather have a gift from their registry or cash. (They own their own home and have lived there for 6 years.) They said they'd prefer cash. I don't normally give cash either, but this is what they want...

Answer 1

Repeat this mantra: gifts are optional and just because they want cash doesn't mean that's what I have to give them.

Now, of course you do want to give your friends something, and you want them to like it. Remember these are good friends. That means you know what they enjoy that isn't cash.

Perhaps you can give them homemade gift certificates. Print them up on your computer and make them little experiences and small treats that can be done over time and for little money. You might make one say, to provide the pizza and beer one night when they're too tired to cook, or one where you'll agree to sitting through that favorite movie of theirs that you don't like without complaining. Use your imagination, and you'll no doubt come up with a dozen or so things that they'd love that won't cost you fifty dollars now when you don't have it, but will be priceless to your friends.

Or you could put together a gift basket of small indulgences. If you go to the right places and shop wisely, you can put together a fairly decadent bath basket or coffee time basket for less than twenty-five dollars. Most of us like little treats that make us feel petted.

With a little imagination, it's not that hard to come up with a lovely gift on a tight budget. And don't worry; your friends will understand. True friends aren't worried about the price of the gift, but the worth of the giver.

Answer 2

I think it's a mistake to ask someone if they would rather cash or a gift. However what's done is done-so make the best of it and just put a little bit on top of your boyfriends amount and have him sign the card with both your names. That is totally acceptable. Besides-as your pals own their own home for six years it sounds like they are financially better off than you and so don't feel too bad. Good friends wouldn't want to stress you out financially-I'm sure they would feel bad if they knew what this was doing to you. The important thing to them is that you share in their happiness on that day and not what they're going to get from you. Most people-given the choice would say 'cash' or 'gift certificate' only because that prevents duplicate gifts or gifts they can't use or they even think it makes it easier on the person not to have to go shopping and spend a lot of money.

Answer 3

You can get creative and make stuff. I'm making my gf a small water fountain that will have fish(real living fish) in it. It's probably around $20 to make, is easy, and looks great. Who doesn't love looking at those things in the stores. You can also make art. If you don't have the resources to paint or draw you can make collage art and just cut and paste imagery that appeals toward the person and frame it. From magazines old newspaper anything. They can look really good if you do it right. You can write poems. Go to a second hand thrift store. But, materialism shouldn't matter. People should appreciate people for who they are not expectations of gifts. Words and kind gestures can go a lot farther than gifts. If they are good people they will understand.

Answer 4

A gift is totally optional, I hope everyone comes to my wedding WITHOUT gifts, we have everything we need and have said to anyone that has asked that we just want them there to enjoy the day. If you feel you must give something, then add a small amount of cash to the card with your boyfriend's gift, but don't leave yourself short, if these people are good friends they will understand and know that you are not made of money.

Answer 5

You shouldn't feel bad here. Life happens, if your friends are more concerned with the amount of $$ in their cards, than in the presense of their friends on their special day, then they're the ones who should feel badly here.

Also, my rule of thumb is (and I don't know how you found out they wanted cash) I never give straight cash for a wedding gift. At the very least, I will give a gift card. I'm giving them a wedding gift, something to help them start their new lives together, not giving them cash to help them pay their bills--or pay for the wedding. At least, that's how I see it.

Answer 6

Your boyfriends gift? If he's already got a gift, just sign your name on the card and pretend you put in some money too. I'm sure your boyfriend will understand your problem and the couple won't even have to know. Don't feel bad! A lot of people are in the same position.

Answer 7

Well if he is giving a gift and signing both names then don't worry about it because it will be viewed as being from both of you guys. If your really worried about it then write a note in the card and say that you want to get them something neat when you are away and to expect a gift later. But I would just go with him signing your name to the card he's giving and call it good.

Answer 8

If they are as close to you as you say, then they would not want you to spend money that you can ill afford. Let your bf put your name on the card, and when they get their first home or some other milestone-type event in the future, get them a nice housewarming, baby, etc. gift.

Answer 9

A gift is optional and if your finances make it difficult, don't give. That said, you might want to write them a personalized note and just give a card right now or even give a gift down the road when your finances are more stable.

Answer 10

See if you can take him and his wife out to dinner after the wedding and when you come home. Still send a card and make like a coupon inside with an invitation to dinner after things settle down. Hope this helps.