moms are difficult?

Question

I havent talked to my mother about a month and now she's talking to me. i understand she's my mother..see what happened was that my brother got married..and she doesnt like his wife or her family.. I stood up for my sister in law..and told my mother that she has to deal with it now...theres nothing she can do... So she stopped talking to me. But now she is talking to me and pretending that nothing happened.. she wants me to come over her house this weekend...but i donthink im ready... should i go..?? it sucks cuz she was never really there when iw as a kid so now she wants to be mommy

Answer 1

Mothers are not perfect. Mothers do the best they can and the best they know how to do. My mom was not perfect and as a mother now I am not perfect. Life is to short to hold grudges and stop speaking to each other. My mother passed away last year. I thought back on all the moments I "missed" out being with her because of the grudges and not talking to her. I missed out on a lot of time I could have spent with her. I miss her every day and I wish I had her back with me. You still have your mother. So what if she is acting like nothing ever happened. She is trying and you should try to. Trust me, life is short. You never know what tomorrow holds. Spend every moment you can with your mother. You don't know if the last time you talk to her will be your last. The day before my mom passed away, she wanted me to come over to take her to the store. I never did make it. Now she is gone. Think about this honey. Don't let stubbornness keep you from a relationship with your mother. Love her, like I said Mothers are not perfect.

Answer 2

This is a hard question. I personally had lots of problems with my family and could not deal with any of them now they are ether dead (so they are not here) or I will not talk to them any way...... This worked for me but it is a difficult decision that took years to decide.....

I don't think anyone but you can decide if you are ready to spend time with your family - but I do think there were some good points made by the others here, counseling would be a very good idea for you no matter what you decide... it's for you to feel more in cont role and get some tools to deal with the people who give you grief. Also, I would say that if you do see your mom I would make it a place that is out of the house - If you are on her ground she will have more control and manipulate the situation...and you will feel cornered. So meet for coffee or something. She has no more footing then you do and you can leave when you want....she also can't make much of a show of it.

It sounds like you come from a dysfunctional family. I do to....most families are to a smaller extent but but there are a few that go overboard........counseling will help you feel better about you and gives you another outlet. Good luck to you and take care..... smile when you can.

Answer 3

Oh you have other issues than what's going on with your sister in law, even if that's what set things off.

Tell your mom how you feel. Let her explain why she wasn't there. A kid's perception is not always clear, however not all women should reproduce. Just because you give birth doesn't mean you know how to be a mother.

Oh and break that cycle of bad mothering with your own children, you can, I did.

Ignore the stuff with your brother and sister in law, its not your issue, let your brother handle your mom how he wants to.

You get to decide what kind of relationship if any you have with mom, just be prepared and understand the consequences. If you can accept that, then don't make nice if she doesn't deserve it. Mom's are not difficult, your mother is difficult.

Answer 4

It is not that moms are difficult, now that I am a mom, it is difficult being a mom. You can not recover the lost time she was not in your life, but you can make the most of what you have together. Like it or not, she is your mom and she probably made her mistakes, she probably has her reasons as to why she does not like her daughter in law, but if she makes her son happy, then yes she has to learn to respect his decision. I would say have a long open talk with her, nothing is better than communication. Tell her how you feel and how you see she has been with you, without over reacting or trying to talk over each other.
It is always good to have a mom, there are many kids that would love to have one, but don't. You have a mom, and you do not take advantage of letting her love you and making things better. It is up to you...

Answer 5

Its tough when you get into arguments with family, especially when its your mother. It sounds like your mother got over upset for no reason. I think you are totally right in telling her that there is nothing she can do about your brother's new family. She might be upset that she has "lost" one of her kids and that her son needs someone else (his new wife) more than he needs his mother. I think you should go over to your mothers house and talk to her. It will be better when you get everything out in the open. If she is calling you to come over than it sounds like she is ready to talk. Be the bigger person and squash the whole beef. Good luck. You guys will be fine. Tell your bro congrats!

Answer 6

If she wants you to come to her house and you don't have other plans - then go. You were right to stick up for your sister in law - your brother obviously made a decision and you respect his decision. Even if your mother doesn't like her daughter in law, she should love her son enough to show his wife respect.

She's extending an olive branch to you. Forgive her and go have a mature conversation with her. She's the only mother you'll ever have.

Answer 7

How old are you now? I would suggest that you go to therapy to deal with the hurt and anger you still are carrying around with you from your childhood. I imagine watching your mom reject her new daughter-in-law brought up some old feelings and all the pain came back to the surface. You then spoke up for your new SIL but, I think, in reality, you may have been speaking up for yourself. Please deal with these feelings now so that your relationship(s) with your children will be healthier.

Tell your mom you have to work through some things right now and will spend time with her when you are feeling better. Tell her you love her. When you are in therapy, you will learn techniques on how to deal with her and will set up some healthy boundaries.

Good luck. You deserve a good life and the first step is dealing with the past so you can let it go.

Answer 8

In my case, one can never discount the fact that she is still your mother. But I agree with the above posts, tell her the truth that you are not ready. As a mother, am sure she will understand that. Good luck and hope it ends well!

Answer 9

I think you need to let it go. She is the ONLY mother you are ever going to have. Life is way to short to hold a grudge. She is trying to make up make the best of it and go see her. The only thing you have to lose is a little bit of time.

Answer 10

It is far more difficult to do the right thing.
Forgiveness is the key to bitter ends.
you wouldnt be less of a person, nor would you think that you didnt stand your ground. Its a win win situation if you make your mom aware of what you feel.
atleast she is trying.