I need advice on my mother-in-law, please help.......?

Question

My mother-in law is very controlling and always wants her way. She has been at my house now going on 3 weeks. I told my husband it's time to take her home. She is a very hard headed, Italian lady, who argues and argues and yells and points her finger in your face if she disagrees with any conversation she has. I have hives all over my body from the stress, this happens all the time, usually around the third week shes here. What do I do? My husband dosen't see this is causing big problems against us and her. Do I put my foot down and assist he take her home now? please give me advice, I'm at the end of my rope. My friends mother-in-laws only stay 3 to 4 days then go home. It keeps things more calm. My mother-in-law only lives 2 hours away.

Answer 1

It is time for her to go home. If your husband won't tell her to limit her visits to a few days then it is up to you to sit them both down and let them know what these long visits are doing to your health. Just tell them both you need to talk to them, sit them down and begin talking, using only "I" statements. Such as "I love having you here for the children and I am happy you live close by. I would like for the visits to be limited to 3-6 days at a time as I feel like I am not able to be my own person and a mother to my children when grandma is here as much or even more then I am. I need time alone with my family so that we are a family unit. I am sorry if this hurts your feelings but it is time I spoke up and said what was on my mind as my body is reacting with hives and itching because I have been too afraid to tell the truth because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. My resentment has been growing with each long visit and the hives get worse every time. I'm sorry I haven't said anything sooner."

I don't think you can be attacked when you use "I" statements to tell them both the truth. Sit down and write out your feelings and ask God to help you be honest and to help you say it in a non-offensive manner.

Good luck. Time to be brave and speak up.

Answer 2

First off, trying to understand WHY someone is the way they are will help you feel better because there's always a reason. Try to find out about her from your hub. Was she always like this? Hopefully you haven't been doing this for a while because if you change anything now, it will cause problems. However, it's NOT too late! My MIL is hungarian and a bit more mellow since she's been in the states for a while. But she still follows traditonal ways. Don't complain to your hub, just try and talk about how you feel and get him to see from your point of view if he doesn't already. If all else fails, just make an excuse or something of why she must go home. Believe me, if you are blunt it will backfire on you. Mine did, also she claims to be understanding ALL the time. Make the little times you do get together very happy and loving environment. She may get loud but inside she may know she is being unfair. You know now so be careful in the future. Distance is a wonderful tool when it comes to maintaining some kind of healthy relationship with parents and inlaws. At least in MY family, not all.

Answer 3

Oh for Pete's sake drive that woman home. Your husband doesn't see a problem because this is his mother and that's what he's used to. In essence she has dominated you into allowing this. Get your act together and put her in her place. Pack for her if she won't pack herself, put her stuff in the car, tell her to get in the car and take her home. Tell her that you will tell her when and if she can come back. This is YOUR house and YOU make the rules. Frankly, I'm betting she's got everyone running scared of her and its going to take someone meaner and stronger than she is to control her. Make sure you tell her that you love her, but she is not ever allowed to speak to you this way again. Then leave her.

There will be some flurry for a while, but take it from someone who has a dominant personality, we respect the ones who don't let us walk all over us. Good luck and don't back down.

Answer 4

Well I would start off by saying you need to stand your ground that is your home not hers...Sit down with your husband and let him know how you feel, bring it to your mother-n-laws attention. I had a similar problem where my mother-n-law was always into the business of my house as far wanting to control our money kids everything....but I put my foot down I told my husband if his mother can't come into our home and show me respect then i didn't want her around and if she came I would leave. I didn't want to cause a problem but it showed him how upset everything was making me...it took a little time for him to finally see what was going on and now me and my mother-n-law have a semi decent relationship....good luck to you

Answer 5

I did not discover a query however loved studying it besides. It is well recommendation and despite the fact that no one requested you, thank you for writing it. As a MIL I might like so as to add a practical MYOB MIL. Translated method Mind Your Own Business Mother In Law. Not to the above author, she's cool. But please ... MIL's .. do not provide recommendation whilst you're no longer requested and do not inform someone tips on how to do whatever. You is also very skilled at being a mom, grandmother....and many others. however matters difference every now and then and household to household. So, if all of us MOurOB everybody is completely happy. It's difficult to not inform a DIL she is hanging the diaper at the mistaken finish of the youngster however she'll discover out quickly sufficient.

Answer 6

Time for her to go home and if your husband really loved you he could understand this. If she only lives 2 hours away tell your husband to go and stay with her for a couple of days! Sometimes when you are use to things being calm and someone comes into your house and turns it upside down it will make you crazy! I say tell him how you feel and if that does not work then tell him when she comes to visit you will go stay with a freind or a motel....It is not your fault..She is so different than you and that is why it makes you this way

Answer 7

Sorry to say when you marry a person you marry there family as well! Tell your husband that you are going away for a few days go get a hotel and stay for about three days, tell you have to get away and since he won't take her home you'll leave so that you won't say the wrong thing to her! He will see that its either his wife or is mom , ( Make sure you don't say that) and he will either take her home or give you the money for the hotel either way you'll have a few days of peace!

Answer 8

I feel your pain, my MIL is the same, I cringe at the thought of her being in my house because I hear from my sister in law, ohh you hung your curtains to high or she didnt like this or that. Put your foot down and tell your husband this is our home, she has one of her own, its time for her to go back. If he wants her around then tell him he can go stay at her house then but she has over stayed her welcome.

Most times the boys keep their mouths shut because they dont want to have to deal with upsetting their mom, not that they dont feel the same as you they just rather not deal with it. So by you telling him, look I have had enough, either you tell her or I will might make him step up, if not, you do it. Who cares what she thinks or says, you'll have your sanity back right.

Answer 9

your husband grew up with this lady and more than likely feels that there's nothing wrong. does he know that you didn't grow up this way? does he not understand that you're getting hives when this lady is in your home? and too, the next time this lady stands up and puts her finger in your face? tell her, Lady, if you want to come back with a nubbin for a finger just keep it in my face, that's rude and I wont put up with it anymore. Stand your ground girl! This hot tempered Italian woman has you over a barrel and she's making the decisions........I thought it was YOUR home?

Answer 10

My heart goes out to you.I am a step mother and would never act that way.It sounds like she has always controlled the ones she loves.Have a heart to heart talk with your husband.Three weeks is a longtime to visit.And by no means quarrel back with her.That is what she lives for.Make sure your husband knows what is going on with your health.Even if a doctor has to just write a note for you.