What should I have said?What would you have said??

Question

I was eating dinner at the table with hubby's family when his aunt (whom I'd never met before )says to me,"You know,you're very pretty!"..I smiled and said "thank you"..She then says"Are you mixed with something?".I was so taken a back by this silly b*tch that I didn't say anything.My closet racist mother in law then replies"Yes,she's an eighth Indian,Isn't that right?"............I lost my apetite I was so pissed and speechless I just sat and sipped my soda the rest of the meal! I do NOT look mixed I have dark brown skin and thick lips! What should I have said?

They are white..I'm black.

Answer 1

Keep in mind that older generations have a different way of saying things. We live in a very politically correct society now and someone saying that is considered offensive.

However, that may not have been the case here. Give her the benefit of the doubt. It sounds like you are a beautiful woman so take comfort in that.

Just about everyone has a little of something else in them these days.

Answer 2

Darlin, I guess I'm part of that "older generation" that has been mentioned. Sometimes, you just have to consider the source. However, I'm with you! What I wonder, and can't understand is why your hubby didn't speak up in your defense. I KNOW what I would have done and my mother-in-law would probably never bother me again! You see, I refuse to "go quietly into that good night" when I'm hacked off. You're pretty, yes, a thank you. "Mixed with something"...whoa!! The gloves come off. In your sweetest, gentlest, and calm tone, you should have replied, "No more so than anyone else at this table." ANYONE who knows their history would understand that answer!!!!! Bottom line, I'm so sorry that you were offended like that and even more so, I'm angry with your hubby for not coming to your defense!
(I had a sperm-donor like that once upon a time. He's gone on to his reward--his reward is not having to live with me!)

Answer 3

Ignorance, when will people in the world ever begin to realize that people are people no matter what race they are? Firstly, I am so sorry that this happened to you! After reading your question, I'm highly oftended by your in-law's ignorance. I do feel as though your husband should have defended your honor. As your husband, it is his job to keep his family respectful of you. I wish that people would understand that we are all of mixed races and no race dominates another. God made us all different for a reason.

The only thing that you can do in this situation is try to educate them that their questions, remarks and behavior are not appropriate and are highly offensive to you. This will not be an easy conversation by any means, but your husband should be there supporting you and assisting you with your explanation of why this is so offensive.

I understand why you decided to remain silent when it happened, however, in order to correct the problem, I really think that you have to help educate them with a new way of thinking. You have to remember that they are from the old school so to speak where this was most likely learned behavior past down generation to generation from their parents. This does not make what they said right by any means, but it does show the generation gap and the definite need for change.

Good luck to you!

Answer 4

I honestly don't understand the problem...Is it her wording? If she'd said, "What's your heritage?", would that have been better? It does seem an odd way to ask, but it sounds like she was just trying to give you a compliment and find out more about you. Why isn't she allowed to ask? I asked my friend's cousin the other day if he was part Irish; he didn't get offended. I'm not suggesting your feelings were incorrect; I really don't think you can control a gut reaction like that, but I think perhaps you misinterpreted her intent, or maybe her intent just isn't coming through in your question. I, after all, don't know what her tone was. I'm sorry that you didn't get to enjoy your dinner, though :)

In response to your actual question, if you are indeed an eighth Indian, perhaps just say, "Yes, I am...my mother's paternal grandmother was Indian." Or whatever the heritage is :)

Also, she's going to be related to your kids (if you and hubby don't have them already), and it's natural for her to be interested in *their* heritage.

Answer 5

damn...just listening to this is got mad... lol sorry...but end the end (being a lady) you did the right thing...(now if you really wanted to take it to the streets lol) you could have went off but at what cost? you would have made your hubby uncomfortable, the aunt speechless, and the mother ( who may or may not like you) feel like she was right about you all along. i think you did the right thing by being silent....you were a lady ...a dignified one. i wonder what your hubby had to say about that incident....gosh that makes me upset...how come a person just can't be beautiful......i think the aunt may have meant nothing by it but the mother in law clearly was trying to stir up trouble.....she should have let it go because it was obvoius that if you didn't say anything you didn't want to talk about it........no...you did the right thing.....

Answer 6

I would have said, "No more mixed than you are." After all, she's probably a little of this and a little of that, just like most white people (I'm German, Norwegian, Irish and Native American myself).

I'm sorry that you were insulted by family, though. That's completely rude.

Answer 7

Yes it wasn't a nice dinner remark. I see beautiful people "mixed" and I often wonder where their families are from and I don't mean anything racist by my thought. You can't do anything about their ignorance. Stand proud, expect the worst from them and don't get caught up in their insulting questions or remarks. Didn't you know they were this way before you married your husband?

Answer 8

You should have said yes I'm proud to say that I'm part Indian thank you for asking so what are you?...Part b*tch? That's what I would have said. But I don't always say the right things.

Answer 9

IDK, they were WAAAAYYY out of line! If someone white had 1/8 Indian in them, would they consider THEM MIXED?! I doubt it.

What did your hubby say or do. I would say that he should have stepped in at that moment, or at least spoken to his mother and aunt later about it.

They were totally out of line.

Heh heh - I just thought of something. You could research their family lineage and find where they are related to white people. That would drive your mom-in-law nuts! LOL Most African Americans do have some Caucasian lineage somewhere. :) Start at www.familysearch.org.

Good luck! :)

Answer 10

I would tell him to get real. That makes no sense for a married couple. Why would he even say that to me? Why would he be afraid of making love? Or afraid of change? Or "always wanted to hold you..." what?