Do you have close friends from your church?

Question

Here's my family's problem: we go to a church with an average attendance on Sunday of 125 people. My wife and I are both plugged in as servants. I coordinate Wee Worship for the kids, serve as a Deacon, etc. My wife gets involved where needed. The problem for us is that we do not have any close friends from church despite our best efforts. We have invited people over for dinner and had other people's kids over for playdates with our two children. However, the offers never get reciprocated. We have never been invited over to anyone's house for anything. The only time we seem to hear from anyone is if they have a need for themselves or something at church. We are considering leaving this church to find one where we can truly bond with other couples. Is this a reasonable expectation for us to have or should we just be content as is? We have no issues whatsoever with the minister or the theology of the church.

Answer 1

John

Sadly you are victim to what has happened in many churches across the country. Relationships built in the church is one of the furthest things from peoples minds because they are so wrapped up in what they want to do. When someone has a servants heart such as yourself you feel that need to connect. The majority of people period want to connect with someone. If you are a member and are well planted in the church and people will not connect with you then it is probably the same with people wanting to visit your church as well.

Pray about it. But also I would talk with your pastor and tell him the situation. Maybe he knows a couple that would be great for you to connect with. And maybe it is something he needs to realize as a problem with the congregation also. You defiantly need that and if you can't find look for another option, possibly being another church. But don't jump out of God's will, you'll be miserable no matter where you go.

The other possibility could be maybe God wants you to be open and connect with someone outside of your church to possibly bring them in.

The main point is God wants you to connect.

Hope this helps

Answer 2

I have read your question and thought about it really hard. I have seen you mentioned areas where you have been useful to the church. You have also mentioned that you have gone to the extent of inviting people over to your house and that persons only seem to need you when they need something. Having said all this, here's my take on the issue;

First of all it seem to me that you do not have a very sociable church. Do the members spend time with each other outside of church settings; going on outings together, having retreats, fun Days, or even more closer to home, fellowship days.

Furthermore some people might find you and your position to be intimidating.I know you have tried to break the ice by inviting people over among other things but you have to consider the reverence which goes with your position. Why not try to invite them to an outing like a game, at a store etc where they feel like they are on common grounds and do nt have to be overly careful.

I do not believe that people are tryign to use you to get what they want. I believe however that since you have allowed them to send their kid over Etc., they feel that its something you love to do. So they take advantage of this.

What you could do is use the opportunities that you have to fi nd out about what people think of you and your wife. When you get the chance to have a one on o ne with a person ask questions like "How is it most do not relate to like you do to Paul", "Do you find us intimidating" or simply pick a topic and find out their points on things. Preferably one that will not emphasize your position.

At my church we have felloship sundays. We hug, pray with and compliment each other and we even interview a member each time so that the congregation can get to know this person better.

Furthermore, you might want to watch your manner of speech. Do not come off as being condescending because this could push people away. Even the poorest person within you church is rich beyond measure, treat them as your equal.
and smile a lot, this could do far more than you can ever imagin.

IT works for the deacons at my church and make them so much more approachable.

Do not leave your church, you could hurt a lot of people by doing this. You could also speak to your pastor concerning this and also ask the Lord to give you such frieds that you seek.

God Bless

Answer 3

I think you should try another church. You should feel loved, wanted, and accepted in your church because it is the body of Christ. What area are you looking in. Maybe someone can suggest a church for you. For instance if you are in the Greenville, SC area I could give you the names of a few Churches that would love to love your family.

Answer 4

the church is the body of christ. if you as the body cannot function, maybe try another chuch one sunday a month till you find one with people who you click with

Answer 5

Wow! Hmmm... The majority of my friends are from Church.