my partners child is overweight, he gets upset when i mention it. Do i have a say in this?

Question

she is 10 yrs old and is twice the size of what she should be. He has her every other wkend and feeds her rubbish along with mansized meals, when i say something im told to keep out if it. Is this fair? Im only looking out for the wellbeing of this child and dont want her to turn into an overweight teenager. Iv suggested that he speaks to the childs mother about what kind or food is she feeding her but he refuses too. Its frustrating to sit and watch her eat like a horse and not have a say in it all.We never speak about it in front of her. What do i do?

Answer 1

You drop it now because it really isn't anything to do with you and you've been asked to shut up, but you remember the lack of respect your boyfriend has shown you in NOT asking for your opinion and count it against him later if needs be.

I like all three answers above mine...this is a combination of all three really.

The first answer below mine could be titled "How to engineer a break-up in 10 seconds flat".

Answer 2

Parents these days don't care about children health. They feed them with process and junk food and sit them at the couch and let them watch T.V. all day. I'm not sure how american culture influence them. I guess the parents are tired of trying to make the kids eat healthy or they just don't care at all. Schools don't even care. I'm not sure if it is where I live but the way school serve these kids food. It's all junk ugly food and barely if none vegetables. But there are some culture families that stick with there food diet from there home country like myself so these people are most likely heathly. So when I see the child overweight I usually either blame the parents or the kid itself if he or she is old enough to understand whats good or bad. I understand about the person is depress for certain reasons though but how overweight people are these days. It is just terrible.

Answer 3

I think that the time that people spend away from their spouse for anything other than work, kids or necessity, is time that should be spent for their partner. I think that porn is OK, I am a guy though. But porn is used for our pleasure at our house. If your husband is looking at something else or for something else, then he is missing out on time that he should be using spending time with you. You need to find the balance of his time to spend relaxing and venting to the time that you need him. I hope you realize that porn is not the culprit, but that you have some communication isuues in your relationship. The time spend online is only a symptom of a real problem. If he is acting like a child then her should not be upset when he is called one. If there is a problem that needs to get resolved, the problem will not go away until you are both willing to deal with it like adults. What ever the main issue is, figure it out and take care of it. My feeling is that you are dealing with what many people have dealt with and that is that your relationship is changing. You have kids, the fun is on hold, life is more challenging than fun, you do not like your job, he does not like his job, you do not have enough money, etc... I can go on forever, but the fact is that you must both change with life if you want to stay together. Ask him what is really bothering him. If that is too difficult, have him write it down. The you give him some time to explain his feelings openly. If he writes it down and gives you time to think about it, you will not react. Instead you must take it in, think about what he is trying to say, then let him talk while you listen. Tell him that you want to do the same thing and you expect the same response. The follow through. When he does it, react politely and respectfully. Then hopefully, he will do the same thing in return. I found that in many relationships that I have talked about with friends, many married people lose the appreciation. It only takes a simple "thank you" or "you look really nice today" to boost the mood and attitude of the other person. When you get married, you just have to figure out how the other person is changing, express the way you feel, compromise or accept. Then the key is "both of you need to get over it and move on"! Looking at other woman, avoiding conflict, not spending as much time with you are not always driven from disliking you. It may be he has an issue that you are not understanding or you have an issue that you are not either dealing with or he is afraid to tell you about. Moral of the story: Figure out how to fight fair!!! Figure out how to talk and compromise fair!!! Both parties win and before you know it, you are the sexiest woman on earth. Hope this helps.

Answer 4

(Can I start out by saying... to those people being rude... If you're being cruel... Didn't your mother teach you manners... The woman is asking for help with a child she dearly cares about. Not critiscism from you all)
I just wanted to praise you for your effort. It'd be a waste of time to tell you try to change the meals ya'll are eating. Because every seems to have already told you that.
The gentleman was right when he said children of divorce suffer from both parents not wanting to be the bad guy.
You love her don't you??? For your sake, and your spouse, intervene, it's wiith love and best intentions. There are ways to go about it nicely. Your man and his ex-wife will thank you one day, and so will your future step-daughter. They're right children are cruel. ANd is there's any way you can help, do so. Spend time with her help her feel good about herself. Go walk, (if you have a dog) Then make it as a way to try and get to know her.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Don't listen to the nay-sayers! I wish you the best of luck in your venture. Take your time.
You and your spouse will find a way to look back on this one day and he WILL thank you.
If you EVER need anything email me. I admire your concern. I wish there were more stepmothers like you!
Much love and Blessings,
Brittney and Miracle Benny!

Answer 5

You are very smart not to talk about this in front of her. She is probably enduring enough teasing from her peers as it is.

The best thing you can do is give your partnet as much information as possibly on childhood obesity. If he chooses to ignore it, then take matters into your own hands.

Empty your cabinets of junk food and replace it with healthy food. If he asks you why, simply tell him you want to start eating healthy because it makes you feel good.

When his daughter comes to visit do outside activities together. Go for walks, play basketball, do something.

Her parents may want to turn a blind eye. But it is okay for you to begin sharing information with his daughter about the benefits of healthy eating. If you can get her to understand that she only has one body for like, you can do something good.

Answer 6

You've done what you can. Obviously he doesn't care much about her wellbeing, not only physically but emotionally. Children, I don't care what country you are in, can be extremely cruel, especially in the later years of school. The next time, just ask if he really wants to give her insulin shots because that's right where she's headed. I suppose you can try taking her on walks/hikes, to the playground/park, etc. to try to get her out of the house and doing something. It won't necessarily keep her skinny but, it will get her blood flowing.

It's a terrible position to not be in any type of power with a partner who refuses to see what is happening to his own daughter.

Answer 7

These things are very difficult if you are not the mother and neither parent nor the child has asked for you input. I suggest you bide your time and if the child ever expresses frustration to you about her weight, listen with empathy and then ask her if she would like you to speak with her father about the issue. Then, with her "on your side" maybe Dad will see that he should do something different.

Another thought and a more subtle approach would be to plan family meals together, you cook them, and serve something healthy. This way, you have influence in a more subtle way.

Answer 8

I think Chickey_Soup is right on. She's hit the nail on the head. You're in a relationship with this guy and you have every right to express your concern over the welfare of his child. We're not all living under rocks..the epidemic of childhood obesity is well-documented. By allowing his daughter to eat like that he's just guaranteeing her teen years will be miserable and plagued with low self-esteem and unhappiness. And what do most unhappy people do when they feel down and worthless? They eat even more. I would personally keep pushing the issue. You can do it in private and have a calm talk about it some evening..don't get in his face about it. Be prepared for him to be defensive..this is his child after all. Stick to your guns though. I hate seeing lazy parents allow their kids to become obese.

Answer 9

Wow. What a difficult situation. I would handle it like this. I would say something one final time to him, nicely and without putting him on defensive. If you live together, make sure you only keep the fridge and cabinets stocked with healthy foods. That way, he'll have to go out and buy the junk. Ask yourself, would you feel out of place if you spoke to the child's mother? If not, approach her with concern and without putting her on the defensive. You could also offer to prepare her meals instead. When she is around, go work out together, even if its just for a walk, that way, at least she is getting exercise. You could also tell your partner that unhealthy food should be a reward, not a way of life, like she can have McD's once a month for good grades or something like that. Please continue to work on this, as there are two many overweight children who are at serious risk for such diseases as diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, etc.

Answer 10

Maybe on the weekends that he has her, you could suggest that you all do some outdoor activity - a hike, bike ride, something like that to get her MOVING! Maybe you could be a help to the situation by not mentioning anything about her weight, or why you are suggesting the activities, just DO them. It might rub off on the 10-year-old enough for her to want to do more of that kind of stuff! Otherwise - leave it alone. You've told him how you feel, he doesn't want to hear it, don't say anymore.

Answer 11

Try a different approach. Get some really healthy foods that taste good and plan out your meals before she gets there. She is only 10, she wont know if its good for her or not. Dont say anything about it, just feed it to her. And educate her, like for example, if you are eating carrots you could say, you know, carrots are really good for your eyesight, or put bananas in her cereal and say, I read somewhere that bananas help your immune system. Dont say anything about weight. Hopefully she will pick up on the fact that she is eating healthy and decide that she always wants to eat that way.