I'm in a living situation with my mom who is disabled. She is divorced and I am single, never married. Until one of us has a life change we live together because we enjoy one another and I help her. I am intelligent, cute, outgoing, fun and have many great qualities, no trouble getting men interested in me. Problem is that my mom is extremely conservative about men & women- she doesn't think that two people who make a date from the internet should even meet for drinks together (b/c that's drinking with a stranger, very bad according to her). It seems like drinks is the common way people first meet up from the internet--you know who forbid me meeting for dinner with someone (a stranger)- In her book that equals major romance- well not in today's world and she doesn't get it that it dinner is a common first date!
She says that she won't live with someone who does internet dating. I'm stuck, because if I do it, it will bring an all out war and she will cut me out of her life. Advice ?
2007-06-26 01:44:02 · 17 answers · asked by tiger1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I dissagree with the above answer. As long as you live in your mom's home, you are her responsibilty and you must mind. If you don't want to mind then find your own place. Regardless of how old or how mature you happen to be. It is your mom's job to look out for you.
And I agree with that meeting someone from the internet is a bad idea. You don't know if this person is for real or not. All you really know is what he has told you. Do you not watch tv? Do you never hear of kids being kidnapped or killed or stalked by someone they meet on the internet? Ever heard of predators?
Well, that's my advice. You say you have no trouble attracting men so why then are you on the internet?
Sorry but I'm on your mom's side in this.
2007-06-26 01:48:03 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs J 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
That's a tough situation for you. As a mom and grandma myself, I understand her point of view. She loves you and is a afraid something bad might happen to you, and she is right to be cautious, although with a little common sense, you know that you can protect yourself. Something just as bad could happen with a guy you met at the library or grocery store! Can you compromise a little? Engage in a few activities that interest you other than the Internet. Physical fitness is a great activity for meeting people. Swim, bike, take a class and you might meet someone with a similar interest. What else do you like? Reading? Visit the library, and bigger book stores that might be crowded. See someone interesting looking? Ask him if he has a favorite book to recommend. Go out to lunch by yourself and people watch. Might be someone there doing the same thing and you might catch his eye. Go to concerts and shows. Go to the park on a sunny afternoon and draw, write a letter, or make your to-do list for the week. There's a million ways to meet people other than the internet. Maybe mom will be happier if you're meeting people in a few other ways. Those ways are probably no safer than what you're doing, but from her perspective they might be more acceptable.
I found myself single about 5 years ago and tried internet dating and found that the people I met outside of the computer were usually better dates. In fact, I ended up marrying a man my daughter and her best friend introduced me to, so don't pass up sources other than the computer for meeting people!
2007-06-26 02:00:44 · answer #2 · answered by leslie b 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Would you go to a strange city and walk down the dark alleys looking for a boy friend? Who knows, you might meet a nice guy there. Then again you might meet most any type of creep, criminal or pervert. It is like pot luck or Russian roulette.
The Internet is a predator's paradise. He or she can tell anyone anything about themselves and make it up as they go along. They can arrange a meeting and pretend to be too good to be true.
Most of them are con artists and have done a lot of checking on you and know a good bit about you. They use this information to gain your confidence and obtain access to whatever liquid assets you may have such as bank accounts or credit cards. Then one morning poof! They are gone and your liquid assets have been cleaned out.
You report your loss to the police and they take a report, all the while knowing that when they investigate the name and where the person is supposed to be from they will find nothing. After a few days they will gently inform you they could find nothing about this person and that it happens all the time.
My advice to you is stay out of the dark alley. For every prince charming there are 10 black knights. They will strike and be gone before you know what's happening.
Listen to your mother. There are plenty of guys around in your area if you take the trouble to get out and meet them.
You will at least know that these guys are who they say they are and have a bit of knowledge about their background.
2007-06-26 02:21:54 · answer #3 · answered by don n 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't mention your age or hers. If she's over fifty... and has little or no experience with the Internet... she may NOT realize the commonality of Internet Dating. It's harder for people to meet nowadays; few people live in the same place all their lives, attend the same church if they attend at all, and City livers are caught up in making a living. It's common knowledge that it's not smart to become involved with a co-worker. Without being defensive about it it, ASK her for her suggestions about meeting quality men. She is RIGHT about meeting for a DRINK. Alcohol is a lousy medium for getting acquainted with another human being! It masks the true qualities of each person and that can be very dangerous indeed! Alcohol with a dinner is equally dangerous! When I tried computer dates... I always met for breakfast in an area AWAY from my home. It worked WELL! Am still friends with two of the guys I met that way...one is happily married to a friend of mine for five years now! I wish you and her the very best! Hugs, Gina C.
2007-06-26 02:09:49 · answer #4 · answered by Gina C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say how old you are, but you sound over 18. You need to ask her to back off. Ask if she thinks she made some major mistakes raising you, that she thinks you have no judgment and can't take care of yourself? Things change, it is perfectly acceptable to meet people though the internet (with common sense being used!). I think coffee at a busy coffee shop is a better and more usual first meeting than a drink and/or dinner. Maybe she's a little jealous and afraid of losing you?
2007-06-26 02:21:27 · answer #5 · answered by marie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say ok Mom you're right.
Find an internet guy you like, make a date.
When you're going out don't tell her that's where you met.
Lying sucks but if you mom is so close-minded that she won't grow with the times, it's impossible to satisfy her. Don't change your life around because she is unwilling to compromise.
EDIT:
In response to the answer above warning you about predators- I met my boyfriend on the internet, and he is the most amazing person in my life. He is honest and sincere and I'm thankful that I met him offline. Exercise caution and I'm sure you won't be 'fooled' by some fake. I think you are intelligent enough to see through the facade some put up.
2007-06-26 01:52:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
you need to make your own decisions about whats best for you. Your a grown adult and your mother needs to understand that. I met my fiance who i will be marrying in 2 months through the internet. We met up for coffee at a starbucks though, not drinks at a bar. Whatever works best for you! Just be super careful who you are meeting up with and always tell a friend and have good safety, you never know what kind of wierdo's you can run into! Good luck to you and your mother.
2007-06-26 01:51:10 · answer #7 · answered by Angelina A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, the only reason your Mom should have any say whatsoever over your dating habits is if you are under 18 and living under her roof. If that is not the case, then you are old enough to make your own decisions about whom you date, and should not even discuss such things with your Mom. Nothing against her giving you her opinion, but if you are over 18, you should stand on your own two feet and do what you feel is right for you. Good Luck.
2007-06-26 01:49:58 · answer #8 · answered by JeffyB 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, there is nothing wrong with internet dating. It is quite a common place these days. If she wants to disown you because of it, you have two choices. Either explain that things have changed since she grew up or hide your internet chats. It is unlikely she could check up on your internet habits and if she sees you online, have another window open that is different from chat sites and she won't know what you are doing.
2007-06-26 01:51:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think if you're an adult you have to make your own decisions. It's hard, but this is as much about control as anything.
If it means a rift with your mom, then I think you have to make it as small a rift as possible, but you can't give in and keep your adult status.
Just make it as easy as you can, and start looking for apartments before you tell her in case it does become necessary.
2007-06-26 01:49:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋