I'm am a 23 year old female who has been in a serious relationship for almost 3 years now. I am totally and completely in love with my boyfriend who has become a soulmate to me. He in turn feels the same way about me and makes that known. However, there is one serious, heart crushing issue with us. My boyfriend is completely scared to make love to me. We've tried once and he panicked and almost had an anxiety attack. Needless to say, we never tried again out of fear that he would make a nightmare out of the situation once again. The confusing part is: we are able to get intimate in other ways, he constantly wants to get intimate, and he is not a religious person, so this is not against his "religion." Plus, in his previous relationship he did have sex with his ex, twice and openly admits that to me. I just want to know if ANY female out there has encountered this heart breaking issue? I am currently in counseling because of this. Has any FEMALE dealt with this????
2007-06-25 22:40:51 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
*He is also in counseling. I am currently in counseling to speak with someone about this to help myself get through this horrific feeling. We can do EVERY other sexual act BUT sex...He also been to a therapist before about this, but the man did NOT help him and so we are now going to start couples counseling as a last resort. I have BEGGED him to have sex but he just says "I can't" or "I don't know why I can't." It is hell. Complete and utter hell.
2007-06-25 23:03:12 · update #1
*Also, I HAVE asked him OVER AND OVER for a reason. He just says, "I wish I knew..." It just makes me wonder how in gods name he had sex with another woman before....
2007-06-25 23:05:46 · update #2
i have not dealt with this problem but i have been told twice that there is fear about making love/having sex with me for the simple reason that i may be disappointed with them performance-wise in bed. ego of most individuals are quite sensitive especially when it comes to sex and making love. if this guy loves you too much, it is possible that he is afraid that whatever inconsistencies he has in the bedroom might affect your relationship as a whole. another possible reason is that he might have had a bad experience when it comes to sex before. i have talked to some victims of abuse and they always find it hard to have sex and needs longer time for foreplay as well as complete trust with the person before they can do it. another possibility is if he has some penile problems like peyronie's disease (google it to have a better understanding). or suffered from penile fracture before. the best way you can deal with this is to have a very open conversation with him about it without prejudice. by knowing the cause, you will be able to deal with the problem. if needed, consult a physician's help. tip, a good lubricant can be quite helpful as well. hope this helps.
2007-06-25 23:05:18 · answer #1 · answered by blah blah 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah! I've dealt with that sad situation but the only reason why I did deal with that situation was because my f*cking boyfriend was CHEATING ON ME!!! But he might have a fobia or he might be CHEATING ON YOU!!! But he might not be CHEATING ON YOU!!! I also have this friend that has a boyfriend that had the same problem and he got over it. My friends boyfriend had an ex-girlfriend and she actually got very sick from having sex because she got a disease that was passed on from him sadly. I have this feeling that that fobia that your boyfriend has or whatever it is stops or gets better so you'll be able to "make love" once again.
There could be many reasons why he has a ANXIETY ATTACK every time you try to "make love" and it might be a good idea to ask him what could be causing that to happen or maybe ask him if he had previous girlfriends that got sick or he is just nervous. Talk to him and try your ideas too. Or he could just be so in love with you that he can't bare seeing you naked or something with no clothing on because he thinks you might catch a cold!!! I hope this problem stops or gets better.
Good luck!!!!
2007-06-25 23:02:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I havent experienced this but i would suggest that you both need to talk about it, it sounds like you have a very open realtionship and you are able to talk intimately. Try to get him to explain the way he feels just before he gets to the panicky stage - is he relaxed or uptight? and how does it compare to the way he felt when he made love to this other woman. It sounds like this wont be resolved by talking alone, it may be worth you both going to counseling to get some help because this cant be helping you either. Best of luck.
2007-06-25 22:47:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I haven't. It's good that you are in counseling but HE needs the counseling. Apparently he has major issues with this and it might be something that he isn't even aware of. Get him to go to a medical dr and then to the counselor.
2007-06-25 22:45:49 · answer #4 · answered by DOT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, if he was abstaining for self preservation or religious reasons it wouldnt seem a problem...but just plain scared?
thats a problem and would worry the hell out of me! dont know what to tell ya..maybe he should see a doctor? why are you in counseling??
2007-06-25 22:51:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be the aggressor, and gently get him into bed with you. Try a couple of glasses of wine and a shower together. Then give him a nice massage. Tell him that it is his turn. You can handle it from there.
2007-06-25 22:47:55 · answer #6 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no i cant say i have, have you spoken to him about it properly? ask him what it is that makes him so nervous and dont automatically think that its you fault hun, he has obviously got some confidence issues. did his last patner cheat on him or do something bad to really hurt him?
try asking him to see a councillor, he might find it easier to speak to a complete stranger and get it all off his chest.
2007-06-25 22:45:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOT ACTUALLY
But i'd like to advice u that the best solution acc. to me is communication
u must talk to him if there is some personal problem with him,help.
talk out the solution!
have a good day
2007-06-25 22:47:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you, sweetheart?
And are you really a girl (don't take offense, I'm just checking)?
**No, fortunately this has never happened to me. However, if I were you, I would just constantly reassure him.. what else can you do?
I think you're wasting your money on the therapy.
And if it keeps on, you have to let him go. I'm sorry.**
How weird.
2007-06-25 22:47:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there's surely not anything to be embarrassed approximately. it is all ordinary. you had plenty of fluid considering you have been absolutely aroused and he used to be in a position to supply you delight. do not act shy or distinct round him considering of this. for those who simply play it cool and take delivery of that that is ordinary the whole thing will probably be best.
2016-09-05 08:27:23 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋