2007-06-25 22:08:28 · 20 answers · asked by Peripatetic 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
the advice that i would give could make me an accomplice in crime, i'm sorry
you do have me wondering how you found out 27 years down the road...
2007-06-25 22:11:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would personally consider the feelings of the child first. If they are old enough to understand the truth, particularily even if they are, do you want them to know this. It could hurt them. Decide whether or not to tell the child and stick by your guns. Don't treat them any differently even if they do end up knowing or finding out. That could only lead to the child thinking that they're not good enough or even more pent up hard feelings.
After this, consider your other children. Make sure that if they find out they're ok too.
Next, worry about you. Decide for yourself if you want to stay, go, forgive, deal, etc. Make a plan and stick to it, NO MATTER what. Just because you were married for 27 years doesn't mean it doesn't hurt you. She's obviously had time to get over it, while you are just starting. Take time and separate if necessary. Make sure YOU deal with it and don't let it go gently if you feel strongly about it.
Don't make her pay for it. What's done is done. It's the present and future that you are now having to deal with. You have a child that loves you and thinks you're their father, and you are, even if not biologically. You raised this baby, so it is your child in heart. Make sure you put the children first in the marriage, whether you decide to break up or stay. Don't stop seeing this child, spending time with them or loving them.
2007-06-26 06:18:24 · answer #2 · answered by Momma Gaga 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
27 yrs is a lot of water under the bridge. Too late to do anything now. But I would find out who the father was and bust him in the mouth (and possibly the wife).
2007-06-26 07:38:26 · answer #3 · answered by Larry F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my a hard one. Do you love your spouse- forget it. Did you raise the child as one of your own- then you actually are the father. Just because you was not physically there during conception don't mean you are not the father in sense of raising, loving, nuturing the child. Takes alot more to a be father then just being a sperm donor.
2007-06-26 05:15:14 · answer #4 · answered by doris655 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow that is so sad. Why so much time? How do you feel about the kid? It is just as hard for the kid and you've both been lied to. I don't know why women do these things. My mother kinda did the same thing to me only I was like 14 when she told me. I went from being one race, to a whole complete other. Talk about blowing your mind. I still have anger towards her after 15 years for different reasons but I'm working on my anger because it will not help.
2007-06-26 05:17:28 · answer #5 · answered by marie s 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ouch! That's gotta hurt, especially if you loved and raised that child as your own. Go real gentle with the child because they will hurt just as much when they find out the truth. I leave it up to you what you would say to your spouse but not in front of the child.
2007-06-26 05:13:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is talk to her, naturally you are going to feel deceived as you have been living part of a lie for 27 years. You will need to decide whether you tell the children the truth and whether or not you want to stay with your partner. These are all things I recommend giving time before making a final decision - because sometimes decisions made in haste can do a lot of damage. You are not only talking about one life here - your talking about several.
2007-06-26 05:15:45 · answer #7 · answered by Monkey007 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you have been together 27 years. yes your wife cheated. but 27 years is a long time of love to throw away. you spent 27 years loving that child as your own... no matter what you will always be the father of that child in your heart... i am wondering does the child know..
2007-06-26 05:12:30 · answer #8 · answered by vault 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean what should you do to your spouse? You shouldn't DO anything to her. Talking about it and perhaps getting a paternity test are the first steps. Next talk about what to tell your child, if anything. Then seek counseling if you want to preserve the marriage. You would also go right on loving the child, assuming that you do. Stay sane and healthy about this.
2007-06-26 05:14:18 · answer #9 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I feel very sorry for you but you lived with this woman for the last 27 years so that suggests to me that there must be something between you two.You didn't say how you found out,but I suspect your good lady told you this.Is it time to unburden herself of the guilt that the lady feels with the man she loves?Step forward my friend and don't let this wreck your life.Talk to your wife as the friend that she needs at this time and you two can resolve this
2007-06-26 06:19:58 · answer #10 · answered by Charlotte's Dad 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First in my opinion go and seek professional counseling before you make any rash decisions.Do not no anything to your wife of 27 years,except to fine a way forward together. Best of wishes to you both in this difficult time.
2007-06-26 05:14:45 · answer #11 · answered by 121aloraphotos 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋