Corresponded with a great guy for several months and totally fell for him. I am a big girl and was up front with him about my weight. He told me he was overweight, too, and wanted to lose about 25lbs before we met. He fell hard for me, too, and came to town to interview for a job here, about 8 hours drive from his home. We were both expecting great things, but when I opened the hotel room door, I thought I had the wrong room. He was about 100lbs overweight. I had told him I like men with a little belly and love handles, but DAMN, that was not what I was expecting. I now feel like a superficial creep because I have NO interest in him physically and don't want to pursue the relationship. He knows we didn't 'click' but doesn't know why. Do I need to let him know or save his feelings and just tell him there was no chemistry?
2007-06-25 21:58:55 · 19 answers · asked by Gr8estluv 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He knows that he wasn't up-front. He is being disingenuous if he is pretending that he doesn't know why.
Since when did a girl ever give the true reason for not wanting to go out with somebody? Say whatever you think will work (the chemistry thing sounds fine) and move on.
If he decides to lose 100lb and try again, he just better hope that you are still available. Guys know what the score is.
2007-06-25 22:04:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm surprised you didn't see a photo of him first.. But either way he should have told you and been honest with you..
But you should remember that you can't judge a book by it's cover.. he may be big but so are you.. and I know it might be hard, but both of you can loose weight for each other..
At the same time his appearance might not be the real reason you didn't click.. When meeting someone in person you get a chance to read their body language and personality traits, which you can't do via the Internet or chatting...
The easiest thing to do is tell him that you like him as a friend.. You enjoy talking to him and maybe even flirting with him, but that you don't want to go farther then what if is right now.... Just friends..
2007-06-26 05:07:19 · answer #2 · answered by LokoLobo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're being way too picky and shallow. You said you are overweight yourself, plus, you said both of you really fell for each other while getting to know him online. So how is his personality any different in person than it is online? He's the same person inside.
If the situation was reversed, how would you feel? If he was smaller than you, and all of a sudden, he saw that you were bigger than him, and he didn't like you, how would that make you feel? you wouldn't like it very much, now would you?
And if you really did fall for each other, that means accepting each other for who you are, and everything about you.
And if you're trying to spare his feelings, by thinking he doesn't know, well, I'm sure he knows now. He probably does come on yahoo.
2007-06-26 05:26:23 · answer #3 · answered by d33pebbles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is the best! He should had told you that he was that much overweight. You was honest with him. If you really like this guy his weight should not be an issue its what is inside that counts. I think that if you persued the relationship then I would totally encourage him to go on a diet.
Good Luck - Chattyokie
2007-06-26 05:03:44 · answer #4 · answered by chattyokie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing to do with weight but trust and open-ness. What he should have done was build up a relationship with you irrespective of weight but made sure that you knew about him and he knew about you before you met. You would have then had the option of meeting him or not but if you had met you would have at least gone in with your eyes open-tough on him and you I'm afraid-I'd tell him so that he doesn't make the same mistake next time.
2007-06-26 05:06:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the virtual world and the real world ignites different feelings in you about someone.So its normal to have a lack of chemistry when you meet and since he seemed like a great guy and all,you should tell him there's no chemistry like you thought there was while you were chatting because it is the truth.Just dont hurt his feelings about it...i think its better to just say there's no chemistry or smtg.
2007-06-26 05:06:31 · answer #6 · answered by chryshal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow....well first off that kind of happened with me i met a great guy on line....i saw a picture of him but it had to be at least 2 years old...hes not fat but not my taste in guys....but even though there was no attraction i decided to give it a try...worked out....not in a relationship but we are really good friends i hide nothing from him and hes my support when i need it.....if i were you even though there is no physical attraction try it out..tell him nothing serious but just try it... if it works tell him you will diet and exercises with him...that way you both will feel better and be able to be with the one you love
2007-06-26 05:10:29 · answer #7 · answered by desirable poet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let him know there was no chemistry. He has to know deep down - he didn't even want to meet you til he lost 25 lbs. Don't feel bad, you were honest and you expected the same. That is not shallow. Good luck!
2007-06-26 05:03:05 · answer #8 · answered by so Fresh 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not to be mean but its online dating. sont expect to hit any homeruns on it. but along the lines with the guy i honstly dont think that if you tell him the truth about not wanting to pursue the relationship because of physical attractiveness that it will be good. because im sure he has to deal with the abuse enough from other people and getting it from you, someone he has talked to for awhile and has come to trust, he doesnt need more abuse. you could really hurt him emotionally if you do. i say just stop all contact. dont return emails or calls. i know its kinda of abrupt but i think it would be easier then for both of you to move on
2007-06-26 05:05:33 · answer #9 · answered by _ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no matter what you say he's going to feel hurt. he should know the truth or he will just keep going through the same thing over and over. try to let him know gently and let him know there is no physical attraction. also you should know he was wrong from the start , he should have told you in the beginning , sounds like he may have been trying to hide it, hoping you might still accept him. good luck.
2007-06-26 05:21:15 · answer #10 · answered by skip3800 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋