Is my writing good?

Question

I am a gay 16 year old, I really want to be a writer. This is one of my most personal writings; tell me your opinion be honest.


I want a boy.

A boy with long hair and long eyelashes and long legs and a small nose.

A boy with a big heart and a big soul and a brain that will never compare to mine.

I want a boy who can lead and follow; A boy who can love but will never have to hate.

I want a boy made for heaven and living on earth.

I want a boy who will run away with me forever.

Someone once said that they find solace in realzing things don’t always go as planned.
Ovbiously, this is someone who has had a dream come true.
My whole long life I have been dreaming and hoping and thiking. and praying.
I have given and taken.

I want to forget that.
Good things have happened to me. Good people have kept me going.

Great people have loved me. And I have loved them.

But I want to forget them.
I want to forget home and my suffering and war and peace and justice.

Answer 1

Makes me think Michael Jackson.... Should I find the nearest grown up and yell for help? Why do you want a BOY? That's just creepy.. and why is this in the religion & spirituallity section?

Answer 2

I would say that your writing in general is very good. However, your poem actually seemed to me to be two or even three separate pieces. I was kind of thrown off as the flow changed, somewhat dramatically, after the line "I want a boy who will run away with me forever." I feel that would have been a good line to end on. Also, I think you could use a little more symbolism. It is often more powerful for the reader when they can surmise your meaning from somewhat vague language rather than when you just tell them exactly what you are thinking and/or feeling. Overall though, you have talent. Keep writing and refine it.

Answer 3

honestly? in terms of poetic quality, it's not that great. it has a nice message overall, but it's jumbled. you jump around from too many things. you jump from this idea of the perfect guy to analyzing like bad crap and then jump back to saying but it's ok because there is some good, but then say you want to forget these people and then throw in random concepts like war and justice. a poem is a very short piece of work, you should try to stick to one main message throughout rather than trying to cram everything in.

also your style could use some fine-tuning. your message is too straight-forward. there's no real thought involved. where's the metaphor, etc? think about what it is that makes poetry poetry and go from there. anyone can put a bunch of words onto paper, but that doesn't immediately make it poetry.

i think you have the right mindset for writing great things, you're obviously very passionate, and i think with practice you'll definitely get there. don't let criticism get you down. every great writer has been criticized thousands of times. the key is to take it to heart, learn from it, and apply it.

also, in case you didn't know the line "a brain that will never compare to mine" makes it sound like you want your boyfriend to be an idiot. lol.

Answer 4

Good start. Wrong place to post it.

Get a book on clichés. Read it. Learn as many as you can and avoid them like the plague (that last is a cliché, a phrase used over and over by writers that is boring and common).

Read. EVERYTHING! But mostly award winning writing. Type it into a computer to get used to the shape. Read it aloud to get used to the sound. Listen to it to get used to the flavor. Mix it into your mind and let your senses be stretched to their limit, then bleed it onto the page.

A poetic way to put it, but hey, that's what you want, right?

Keep writing. Keep speaking up. Repost the question in the right area.

Answer 5

Um, "Do I write well?" If that was the title of your question, you'd have a shot. You didn't get that part right, so I'd say you have some work to do. Don't give up though. Write because you love to write, don't do it for other people. Also, you need some punctuation, and why would you want to forget justice??

Answer 6

Pumpkin, that's great! one thing to keep in mind is that writers write. Don't stop writing b/c of what any one person - be that some anonomous person on yahoo, or a close friend or a family member, whatever - just believe in yourself and don't be an editor - be a writer. Write!!

Good luck, you're sensitive, smart and adorable
Any boy will be lucky to have ya hun.

Answer 7

I think it was really nice, and there are some people who are gonna have bad things to say about it but don't listen to them. Always follow your dreams. And FYI, don't post you work on the Internet all willy nilly, it might get stolen.

Answer 8

Pretty good writing for a 16 year old. Work on your spelling.

Did you realize that you put this in the R&S section?

Answer 9

It's R&S because of:
"I want a boy made for heaven and living on earth"?
( Not too bad, IMUO but Sorry, I'd try another section. )

Answer 10

I'm sorry, but the spelling/grammar was off and it was kind of redundant, but if you use the repetitiveness as some sort of literary device, it isn't working for you. . .