I need some help...what would you do if you were in this situation...from his POV and Mine.?

Question

On may 25th, I attempted suicide and REALLY hurt my best friend. I care about him so much, and it is so hard to know that I hurt him. He told me that for now he doesnt have what it takes to love me...he said things may be different in the Fall when he comes back to school, but that a lot of that will depend on me. I don't want to go all summer without talking to him, but I dont want to push him either. Before all this we were best friends and could talk about literally anything. He was always there for me nomatter what...and always told me that I could trust him because he would always be there. I messed up betrayed his trust...I dont want to make things worse so what can I do besides get better for myself? I am in counseling and learning that I have a lot to live for. It takes him a long time to heal, but is there anything I can do to help the situation? We live five hours apart

Answer 1

like you said dont pressure, let it be known that you are better, you didnt mean to hurt him. what made you decide that was the only way out? im glad your better and that your will didnt suceed! now use this for Gods glory and spread your testimony with those that are heading down that path! sorry i changed subject on you. if you are truly best friends he'll come around, dont worry!

Answer 2

Well, lets stop for a minute and remember something: you say you were best friends "and could talk about literally anything."

What is making your friend so upset is that, if you felt you could talk about anything, why couldn't you talk to them about what was going on in your life that was making you thinking of (and eventually acting upon) suicide?

As for him not loving you, it is more accurate to say that, right now, he can't bear the feeling of loving you, and almost losing you. Also, he can't accept the idea that, despite his love and friendship for you, that it wasn't enough to keep you from doing that to yourself. In other words, he feels like a let-down and a failure.

First things first: whatever stresses caused you to attempt suicide will not go away if you add more to them. In other words, take care of yourself right now and worry about repairing the damage with your friend later. If you are feeling overwhelmed (and suicide is usually a response to such) then adding more to your plate won't help you any. Take this time to figure out what is going on in your life FOR REAL, and then you will be able to reconnect with your friend.

Also, try writing a very small note to your friend. It shouldn't be more than a page (neither of you are ready, right now, to go into details) but simply use it to say that you are sorry for what you have put them through, there are alot of problems in your life that you are having a REAL difficult time dealing with, thank him for his friendship and hope that he will be there for you when you are ready to tell him the things a friend needs to know about another friend, especially one in pain.

The letter maintains the distance between you and him, he can read it whenever he feels ready to read it, you have kept up your end and let him know what is going on with your life, and you have also kept up the connection that you and him share. An apology letter, especially a small one that's straight to the point, shows the person that you have really thought about the affect of what you have done, and have taken their feelings into consideration, which is part of why your friend is so hurt by your actions.

Friends want to believe that their lives have meaning and importance in the lives of their friends. A friend who committs (or attempts) suicide can make one feel that one's friendship wasn't important enough to the other. Acknowledge your own feelings, and his, and both of you will be that much closer to getting back to where you both want to be. A friendship that can be healed, after it has been broken, is also a test of what makes two people friends.

Answer 3

This may sound harsh - but have you apologized for putting him through this? I know that you were the one hurting, but the best way to heal a hurt is to take responsibility for doing the hurting. I am so glad to hear that you are in counseling - you DO have a lot to live for - God has great plans for your life. Once you apologize for hurting him, it is up to him to forgive you - but know this - God has forgiven you and will be there for you if you will just cling to Christ.

There is a verse that says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" - you are a very strong person with a wonderful life ahead. Stay focused, stay in counseling, stay in school and you will be amazed at what your life will bring.

God's Blessing on you!

Answer 4

Awwww kiddo....

One of my daughters, had a guy friend, she had literally grown up around. They became friends in kindergarten and were 'best buddies' into high school. He could tell her anything and know that his secrets and thoughts would never be repeated. I always take carloads of our kids & their friends to the beach during the summer break. This time, several years ago, he could not go with us. He did not explain why he could not go, just told her to have a good time and he would tell her all about it when she got back. Several days later, we got a call, to tell us that my daughter's friend had committed suicide.

My daughter cried herself sick. She was emotionally and physically devestated by it. Worse, she blamed herself in part for it. She said, "I knew something was bugging him, and I went to see him several times before we left for the beach. He would not tell me what it was. He just told me it was not REALLY important and he did not want to ruin my beach trip and he would talk to me about it when I got back."

It took almost a year for her to finally accept & come to the realization that she was NOT in ANY WAY to blame for it. She had been the best of friends to him and would, no doubt about it, have opted to stay home to help him through what was hurting him, if she had only known.

You, thankfully were not successful. And I thank God for that.

I can tell you the VERY best thing you can do for yourself and for your lifelong friend is to heal. Sincerely heal yourself. It will take time, prayer, and love from family to see you to complete healing, but you will be a better person for yourself, after you have accomplished it.

And seeing you whole, healed, and happy will go a LONG way into soothing the devestating fear, hurt, unwarranted guilt, and pain your buddy is suffering right now.

Answer 5

I just wanted to say, I am really glad you didn't do it. Yeah, Earth is full of assholes, but you know what? There is a lot to live for and be thankful for everyday.

Think about this next time you are feeling blue:

A chick in Saudi Arabia is sweating in an abaya and vitamin D deficient in one of the sunniest countries on Earth. You obviously live in the west, and have plenty of freedom and opportunity. Someone ALWAYS has it worse.

Answer 6

How can you hurt anyone by committing suicide???
And Why do you want to stay connected to someone who clearly have shown that he doesn't love you??
If he loved you ( means her: were your friend) he would accept whatever you do. Acceptance, tolerance and love comes together.
Continue your coaching and maybe start looking at life from a Buddhist point. Thich Nhat Hanh has written many books also containing exercises that will help you create a happy life.

Answer 7

Wow, you blew his belief system! He felt like a failure as a friend! What's important for you now is not to let this failed friendship to bring you down. Take t/ high road! Find a purpose, everyone has one. I picked mine up at t/ store, yesterday! You could tell him about t/ good things you 2 have been thru! The good things he has done as a friend! Encourage him, discreetly!

Answer 8

TRANSFORM urself

A man goes to a shop, picks up a beautiful cup and says "my god this cup is so beautiful" and suddenly the cup starts talking to the man. The cup starts saying "O man, I am beautiful right now, but what was the state of my being before the pot-maker made me a beautiful pot?

Before I was sheer mud and the pot-maker pulled me out of the mud from the mother earth and I felt why that pot-maker is so cruel, he has separated me from mother earth. I felt a tremendous pain. And the pot-maker said, "Just wait." Then he put me and churned me, when I was churned I felt so giddy, so painful, so stressful, I asked the pot-maker "Why are you so cruel?" the pot-maker said, "Just wait." Then he put me into a oven and heated me up, I felt completely burnt. There was tremendous pain and I asked the pot-maker "Why are you so cruel?" and the pot-maker said, "Just wait."

Then he poured hot paint on me and I felt the fume and the pain, I again asked the pot-maker "Why are you so cruel?" and the pot-maker said, "Just wait." Then again he put me into an oven and heated it to make me more strong, I felt life is so painful hence pleaded the pot-maker and the pot-maker said, "Just wait." And after that the pot-maker took me to the mirror and said, "Now look at yourself". And surprisingly I found myself so beautiful.

When god gives us lot of trouble, it appears god is very cruel but we need patience and we have to wait. When bad things happen to good people, they become better and not bitter.

So all difficulties are part of a cosmic design to make us really beautiful. We need patience, we need understanding, we need the commitment to go through in a very calm and wise way. So all difficulties are not to tumble us but to humble us.

With this understanding, let us not be against difficulty. Understand difficulty is a part of a purifying process. A purifying process at present which we cannot understand and hence we need faith and we need trust.

Let us understand how to handle stress with this background. You can be affected by stress from two angles. There is an internal stress and there is an external stress. Nobody can avoid stress; one has to only manage stress. Managing stress can be internal and also external.

The internal stress is; your thoughts can create stress, your values can create stress, and your beliefs can create stress, meaning thereby your stress is coming from your mind more from the outer world. Many people suffer not from heart attack - they suffer from thought-attack.

For example, when somebody says you are an idiot, we get so hurt, we get so victimised. My boss has called me an idiot and I am feeling tremendous pain. Now where does this stress come from? If my boss has called me an idiot, I have to ask myself "am I an idiot"?

If I am an idiot nothing to be upset about; and if I am not an idiot, then also nothing to be upset about! It is the perception of the boss. But why do we suffer from that stress? I suffer not because my boss has called me an idiot but because of the thought-attack.

I may say the boss has called me an idiot; therefore I am suffering? It is true that the words are unpleasant. But what hurts is the interpretation of the unpleasant word. The thought in me interprets. That is pain and therefore it becomes pain. Much of our stress is our mind interpreting it as pain. So we suffer from thought-attack more than heart attack.

Answer 9

WHY WOULD YO WANT TO KILL YOUR SELF? IF YOU ARE TRUELY GODS GIRL FOR REAL THAN YOU SHOULD BY ALL MEANS KNOW HIS LOVE HE HAS FOR YOU ... DID SOME WHERE YOU LOOSE FAITH IN HIM? PRAY TO GOD AND TELL HIM YOU NEED TO BE WHOLE AND GIVE YOUR PAIN AND ALL THAT KEEPS YOU FROM HIS LOVE HE FEELS YOUR SPIRIT HE KNOWS WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH HE WANTS TO BE IN YOUR LIFE TRUST HIM HE WILL HELP YOU AND YOUR FRIEND HEAL AND TO FORGIVE YOU GOD BLESS YOU SISTER MAY HE TOUCH YOUR HEART AND HEAL YOUR BROKEN SPIRIT AND MAKE YOU WHOLE AND COMPLETE... PRAISE HIM FOR HE IS WORTHY OF YOUR PRAISE....

Answer 10

I think you need to wait and maybe pray for him..