I've discovered after 44 years of trying to please my folks, that they don't think very highly of me. My dad even went as far as telling my best friend that he was sure my new husband would be good to me, he just wasn't sure I could be good to him... It hurt at first, but now I just want to put it all behind me. Unfortunately, I just moved 300 miles to be closer to them as they have become older and might need my help. Now it seems as if we are separated by a great gulf! Any suggestions?
2007-06-25 14:36:08 · 4 answers · asked by Laurie G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I've been waiting to see if they will make a move after I emailed them with my feelings. It hasn't happened in almost two weeks. Do I try to reach out? This is really tearing me apart and my new husband hates to see me hurt. I won't beg for their affection and attention, but it's ridiculous to ignore the fact that I'm right here now and they don't even call.
2007-06-25 15:02:41 · update #1
I would feel hurt as well, but I would recognize that I don't need no one to validate my decisions in life. Remember that you may never agree on every decision you've ever made, and so this is why they think of you the way they do- simply because your decisions were different from what they would have liked you to do.
There is always a time in the life of an adult when parents are no longer perfect creatures, but people just like you and me. Sometimes they want the best for their children, but many times don't know how their behavior (like making comments to our closest friends) impact us.
If you want, you could approach them and let them know how their negative comments to others about their own daughter makes them look and makes you feel. Ask them if they thought their comments would make you and them feel closer to each other. It doesn't sound pretty at all to be badmouthing your daughter with her friends, especially when your daughter is 44 years old and has come to keep an eye on you. Tell them this and wait for their reaction.
You're obviously a darn good daughter, otherwise, you wouldn't have moved 300 miles to be closer to them. What else do you need to know that would support the idea in your mind that you are not what your parents think of you? You are a fine person even when they don't think so all the time. Hence, once you understand that you are a fine person, you'll be able to move on after anyone disappoints you because you'll learn to believe in yourself first.
2007-06-25 15:33:04 · answer #1 · answered by MG 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch, I would tell them in general conversation, that you have spent your whole life trying to please them. Ask them if they could pick the moment in your life that made them the proudest what would it be? As with most parents, they won't be able to pick just one and will probably spend some time bragging to you, about how proud they are of you. Lots of times we feel we are not good enough for our parents, even though they believe we are. Let them stroke your ego a little bit, and you will realize a lot of the feelings that you think they have might be different from what they really are.
2007-06-25 21:48:26 · answer #2 · answered by ofsoundmind 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to grow up a little. There the parents, you're not there's. You need to live your life and not be hurt by there foolish banter. If you feel good about yourself that's all that matters. At 44 you no longer need there approval , you're an adult and you do not need to please them. It's nice that you care about them but you have a life too. I think I'd just ignore there remarks. No need to make a big deal out of it. it's time to take care of you. Peace
2007-06-25 22:21:34 · answer #3 · answered by PARVFAN 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baby you got to live your life for you. your parents will always love you and they may not show it the way you exspect, but you've got to know who you are. It makes everything so much easier.
Good luck
2007-06-25 21:41:12 · answer #4 · answered by sadiebabe81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋