Dating a man who points out every flaw I have: Is it going to hurt my self esteem?

Question

Things were fine, until we moved in with each other 6 months ago.

I buy 90% of the food, do most of the cleaning, and yet this guy is cranky all the time and get mads if I am feeling depressed.
He points out every flaw I have to the point where lately I've been feeling so useless that I've contemplated ending my life.

He's not physically abusive. I would not even say he's verbally abusive. But is this a more subtle form of control/abuse?

Answer 1

Are you serious? OF COURSE IT WILL HURT YOUR SELF ESTEEM!
Kick his nit picky, non contributing a** to the curb.

Answer 2

Yes this would be affecting your self esteem.

My partner is exactly the same, he pays the mortage but I buy all the food and pay all the bills. I spend ALL day cleaning this house, just so when he comes home from work he can say I'm a lazy ***** who gets to sit around all day, despite the fact that our baby is due in two weeks.

Yes pointing out all your flaws is a subtle form of abuse, I even get critized for putting make up on.

I suggest leaving him, I'm considering leaving this ****, especially if you are feeling like commiting suicide.

Answer 3

This type of abuse sends people crazy.
It like a ghost u do not see/ feel it until certain times.
It can hides well, when no one is there it comes out. So when u speak about it many do not believe because they do not see/ hear it.
Some people do it in front of others to mk u feel small.
It causes u to second guess urself a lot.
No one has the right to use ur short comings to kill u with it.
U descibe it well SUBTLE FORM OF CONTROL/ ABUSE.
Due to the fact that u recognized it as ur flaw u keep trying and trying to please.
Note: Certain things about us makes us unique, and some people wants to change them, but even if u do, these people ask for more changes.
Tell him if he can not accept u as u r forget it.
Show ur strength!

Answer 4

You have answered your own question!!!!
Pack your bags and leave before he destroys your life,self-esteem and a chance to find someone who can accept you and respect you.

Fine,may be hes not physically or verbally abusive NOW but how do you know he will stay this way???? If he makes you want to end your life within 6months of being together can you imagine what you may actually do if you stay longer.

It looks like hes trying to make a scape goat of you, bumming of your money and treating you like a slave. Relationships are partnerships where both go 50-50.

If you want to give this relationship another go....move out....tell him why your doing so.....get to know him better and then decide. But the best way to find out what a person actually is, is by living with the person and you have done that!!!!!

Leave now before you get so used to be treated like ****!!!!

Good luck!!!

Answer 5

He sounds just like my ex-husband (who did eventually become physically abusive, by the way).
You should get out as soon as you can. A man who behaves that way doesn't love you, doesn't know how to have a healthy relationship, and will not change. Trust me.
If you're sucidal, then it's even more urgent that you GET OUT as soon as you can! Don't end up like I did...having a child with someone who treated me that way (now I'm tied to him for life, to a certain degree).
I can't say it strongly enough. Being alone is SO much better than being in a relationship like that ... and it's actually possible to find a man who is loving and supportive, too, but you have to get away from this creep first!

Answer 6

it is abuse because he is verbally breinging down your self esteem.i don't want to say i know what it's like coz i have never been in such a relationship but what i can say is that you deserve so much better than what you are getting right now. any guy that does not respect you, does not deserve you. he might not be physically abusive but he is controlling and this might turn to abuse. i would suggest you get out of the relationship now before it's too late or get someone you trust and talk to them about this because i can imagine that this is emotionally draining for you. GOD bless you

Answer 7

hes obviously going through something. and it doesn't really matter what. if his conduct is making you feel this way then the relationship is not worth it.
i know in my marriage, there are times when things get bad and my husband cant do anything right in my eyes and i get on his case a lot. the difference being that i recognize when i do this, and we talk about it and i make sure he knows that just because I'm grumpy and taking it out on him at the moment, that he is a wonderful man and i love him more than anything. then i make an effort to not conduct myself in that way anymore. no ones perfect, and we can all get mean sometimes, especially when you live together. but there has to be a recognition of those times and a healthy balance with positive times as well.
so you have a choice, you try to talk to him about it and see if it improves, or you decide that your happiness is more important than his unhappiness and you move on with your life. spiritually and physically.

Answer 8

It seems like moving in together wasn't such a good idea. If you find that you're doing everything for him and he gives you nothing but grief in return, it means it's time to break up with him. He's no good for you, you'd be better off without him. He may not be physically abusive but he is mentally abusing you and that's just as damaging. By him pointing out your flaws shows that he's insecure within himself and he's trying to make you feel as bad as he is. He's not worth your time or energy and certainly not worth contemplating suicide over honey. You sound like a wonderful person who could do so much better without him in your life. It's time to take out the trash. Do it now before it gets any worse. You owe yourself that much. Good Luck I hope you have a great future without him in it. :) Hugs

Answer 9

No one is worth ending your life over. I think you should think about what is important to you and where you want to be in a relationship. Relationships are two-sided. You should be able to lift each other up in the bad times and celebrate the good times. If you do not see this in this relationship than you should end it before you both get stuck and can't be happy. have you asked him why he is in the mood he is in? Everyone has flaws that is what makes each of unique. I hope you realize that you and he both deserve to be happy, maybe not with each other. Communication is a big factor in any relationship. I hope things work out for you and him. but NOONE is worth taking your life. You would miss out on a lot of special events in your life.

Answer 10

Dump the creep and run like the wind. There is no reason to live with an abusive person. Oh and yes it will crush your self esteem.It already is working or you would not be asking!Don't think of ending your life. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.Move on ,get away from this person.Run don't walk!!!!

Answer 11

Girl!!!
You need to get out NOW. This man is not physicaly abusive but he is abusing you non the less the differance is just when he hits you the scars and blue marks dissapear but these scares you have wont go away will they? I sometimes think when i hear things like this it would be better to be beaten up rater than get what this man is giving you.Ask yourself:
Am i prepared to take this for the rest of my life? Darlin no matter what you do you will never be enough for this man no one can be. He has the problem not you. Give yourself some credit you are stronger than this situation. This guy doesnt deserve you he needs a maid and a hooker but you see he doesnt want to pay for it. Sounds bad i know and it hurts when you get your heart broken but collect what is left of your self esteem and get the hell out. Some one is out there waiting to love you like you deserve to be loved.
My heart bleeds for you but you need to get out of there NOW.

Much luck