lately she has hardly been eating unless I brought her something well, Thursday she rear ended a car because she really shouldn't be driving anymore but, they get stubborn when they get old and she called me from the emergency room to come up and visit her. I went up there and it turns out she had no way to contact her son (at least this is what she said) (but later I heard her say that her son told her not to give his number out to anyone)so I sat with her for 6 hours then took her home and made sure she was ok till the morning but made her call her son when we got her home. The next day I went over there (I forgot to tell you her house is trashed like a bag ladies--one of those hoarder's houses you would see on t.v.) and her daughter in law was there and I assumed her son would be too so I lit into them and said that I was just amazed that they could let her live like that ....now I am public enemy #1 for her son and daughter in law and now she is ticked off at me too. Your thoughts?
2007-06-25 12:32:05 · 13 answers · asked by Midge 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Okay, Honey, the rest of the guys may be right in that you shouldn't have laid into the son and daughter-in-law--but I'm here to tell you that I WOULD HAVE DONE THE EXACT SAME THING. If the son cannot get Mother to let him help her, clean up the house, or do anything for her, all he had to do was to make one phone call to Social Services/DHS. They would have stepped in and done what she wouldn't allow him to do. They're trained to work with the elderly, and would have been able to convince her to let them help. This is one of the things that is wrong with our country...no one wants to get involved. So many people live years next door to others, and never know anything past maybe their names. The sweet little soul will get past her anger with you when there is no one else around. I don't know what your decision will be, but I have a feeling that you are like me and will continue to do anything you can to help her. Please, don't be upset with yourself because of what you did!! Contrary to what anyone else says, I think you did the right thing! So go easy on yourself. Okay?
I'll whisper a prayer for all of you and Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Keep us posted.
2007-06-25 12:54:25 · answer #1 · answered by MAGGIE MAE 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We all usually get a little defensive when our faults are brought into the open. This is probably the case with her son and daughter-in-law. And most mothers will always side with their children. You should apologize, even though you aren't wrong. Tell them that you were just worried and you overstepped your boundaries.
If her real family won't help her, her church family should. Talk to your pastor and see if you can get a group of women from the church to volunteer to get together on a Saturday and clean her house. Then, you could all take turns visiting with her and making sure that she is safe and she has everything that she needs -- checking the expiration dates on her food, making sure she's keeping up with her medication, etc. On top of this, you should post a list of church members' numbers and work schedules beside her phone so that she always has someone she can call if she needs a ride somewhere.
If she isn't recieving the financial support she needs, then yes ... you should talk to someone at social services. But if she just needs help keeping her house clean and getting around, certainly her fellow church members can help her with this.
2007-06-25 12:58:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
People that age get confused very easily and she is sure to side with her son no matter how much you are doing to help. This sort of thing requires a lot of diplomacy for the sake of the elderly woman.
If you go to the same church, see if you can get people there involved. Perhaps you can organize a group of volunteers to go clean up her house. Perhaps if the priest/pastor talked with her he could help her see that you are trying to help.
But you really want to be careful getting into it with family members. That’s just not a good idea and is sure to get you alienated fast.
2007-06-25 12:44:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are very sweet and it's wonderful you would help out so much. But, you shouldn't never bring yourself between a family. They can hate each other to pieces, but they will turn on you in an instant if you bad mouth one of thier own. Theres nothing you can really do; check up on her, ask if she needs help etc. Just little kind acts. As for the family...who knows.
2007-06-25 12:36:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't blame them all for being upset with you as you blamed them for her situation.
My mother was in a much worse situation and she REFUSED our help. It is far more difficult than you realize. I cannot put it into words.
HOWEVER-she cannot continue to live like this as she is in danger. Call Adult Protective Services and the Mental Health Department for the Elderly. We called them ourself on our own mother! They help a lot, in a loving and non-judgemental way. There is soooooo much we don't know! You will NOT be getting anyone in trouble by doing this-only helping-I promise.
2007-06-25 12:39:14 · answer #5 · answered by moondrop000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, that is really sad. I know a lady who is also in this situation, but she abused her kids when they were little and now they won't have anything to do with her. You would have thought the kids would have buried the hatchet, but I guess their hurt runs really deep, Anyway, you are to be commended for helping out. You did and said what you had to do. Have you called adult protective services???Good luck.
2007-06-25 12:37:15 · answer #6 · answered by Amy K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's living like a hoarder, then she has mental/emotional issues that you, as a non-professional, may not be trained or equipped to handle. Get social services involved. And TAKE AWAY HER CAR KEYS!
2007-06-25 12:36:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you probably shouldn't have gone off like that. For all you know they have tried to do something for her, but maybe not. I know it would be hard, but probably the best thing you could have done is hold your tongue, tell your minister, and let him talk with the son. They're trained in situations like that.
2007-06-25 12:36:48 · answer #8 · answered by Purdey EP 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to report all this to social services so they can provide her with the help she needs. She should be in an aged care facility.
2007-06-25 12:36:02 · answer #9 · answered by Puss in Boots 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My neighbor was a bag lady, too. They tidied her house up with a bulldozer.
2007-06-25 12:36:30 · answer #10 · answered by Joe L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋